


A Jump to the Left

by SandrC



Series: Balance My Deeds With My Misdeeds [23]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Jossed to hell and back, M/M, No spoilers in the tags, actually not taako tuesday shit, have fun guessing whats up!, i really love time travel okay?, im not even mad, self-indulgent af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 45,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9393578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandrC/pseuds/SandrC
Summary: It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes it's toll.(Aka: Angus fucks up a magic lesson with Taako and they both get flung across timespace. Taako meets a cute bard and Angus meets a little scrappy elf. They try their best not to fuck shit up.)(Actually, Taako doesn't give two shits. Angus tries to not fuck shit up.)





	1. It's Astounding

**Author's Note:**

> So...I just...I really fucking love Angus and Taako and Kraviotz as a family unit. I also love time travel. More than life itself.
> 
> So I'm doing both.
> 
> Enjoy.

Angus wrung his hands. "Are you _sure_ I'm ready? I mean, this _is_ an advanced spell, I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle the complex mechanisms of a transmutation spell of this caliber. And what if I mess up? What if I get stuck?! A-and _what if_ —"

Taako waved a hand at him, a roundabout gesture that Angus knew was Taako Nonverbal for ' _pshaw_ '. "Kiddo, firstly: you're my protégé. I wouldn't pick just any twig-holder off the street to carry on the great legacy of Taako and his fucking baller magic. I am Taako Taaco, the goddamn best wizard on the moon and I don't mess around. And B: if shit goes tits up, I can always call the vertebae to assist. He _owes_ me." He gave Angus a flirty wink and the young detective recoiled a bit.

" _Ew_."

"Quite the _opposite_ , pumpkin." Taako smiled dreamily and then waved his hand again as if he were dismissing the daydream. "Any _who_ : let's cut to brass shit. Blink. What components and focus do you need for the casting?"

Angus stood erect; _this_ was something he could do with little thought. Recitation was easy when you memorized entire books of knowledge. "The components are somatic and verbal, requiring a flourish of the wrist as if tearing a hole in the fabric of the planes and for you to speak the ancient Word for 'tear'. You need to concentrate on the etherial plane, just outside of the material plan, and feel yourself slide into it like through water."

He finished and looked at Taako expectantly, clutching his wand. Taako nodded gently and his face lit up. "Good job, applesauce. Now let's see if you can put that smart shit to practice?" He grabbed the end of the umbra staff, previously leaning against the coat rack where his millions of wizard hats hung, and snapped it level with Angus' nose. "Have at it!"

Taking a deep breath, Angus closed his eyes and focused. He tried to remember what he knew about the etherial plane, it's feel and qualities. The way it looked (to others) and what it felt like to move in it (secondhand accounts of course). He reached deep within himself and drew on the magic that resided deep within him. It sang within his veins and filled him with buzzing energy that made his skin itch. He pulled and tugged at it, shaping it to his whim.

Using his wand as a catalyst, he made the movement and said, " _Zīmä_!" Then he panicked.

_That wasn't the right Word. That wasn't the right Word at all! Why did I use that Word?! What's gonna happen?! Taako's gonna hate me and I'm gonna wind up somewhere dangerous and Kravitz will have to rescue me and I'll die and and and—!!!_

But, regardless of whether he had said the wrong Word or not, a tear opened in the fabric of...something. It pulled at the two of them, tugging them closer and closer to the center of whatever weird magical shit was going on. Taako instinctively grabbed onto Angus and tried to Blink out of the grasp of the rift but his magic was simply swallowed up by it. He started panicking as well.

 _Fuck_ , he thought bitterly as his grasp on Angus slipped. _I sure hope Krav can find us...wherever the shit we land._

All Angus could think about was how _disappointed_ Taako had to be. He had fucked up royally. There really was no recovery from a boner of this proportions.

The two were devoured by the rift and it closed behind them, leaving no trace that any sort of magical cockamamie had gone on a few moments before.

Blackness swallowed them as well.

Istus shifted uneasily as she had to frog an entire line of her scarf.

They awoke alone.


	2. Time is Fleeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus cries like a big boy and totally doesn't step on his glasses accidentally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyyy! I was inspired by the reception to this story and churned out another chapter! Consider this a gift for TAZ week.
> 
> (Thursday looms closer and I'm just...*clenches fist* so worried for the bois...)

Angus opened his eyes, groaning and rubbing his head. He whimpered as a lance of pain shot through his head and rolled over so that he was curled in the fetal position. "I'm sorry...," he keened, " _I'm sorry_. Please stop. I'm so, so sorry...I _promise_ I'll wear them. Just let me out..."

It took quite some time before the last waves of panic left him and he could find the energy to stand up and look at his surroundings. His whole body ached, his veins feeling somehow empty, but he managed to support himself by grabbing onto a nearby building. The brickwork cut into the pads of his fingers and he hissed in pain. Still, the bite of lacerations drew his awareness back into the now. His vision, blurry because— _oh no! Where are my glasses?! Where are they?! I can't see without them! Where did they go?!!_

He patted the ground beneath him, frantically searching for his glasses. It wasn't until there was a small, tinny crunch that he found them. Under his foot. He had stepped on them.

"Ohhhhh _nooooooo_..." Tears welled up in his eyes. Whether or not he tried to be mature, he still was just a little kid and the sudden crushing weight of the magic he had messed up, being separated from Taako, being unsure of where he was, and his glasses getting broken just crashed on top of him at once. His breathing picked up and his heart rate raced. Even though his vision was blurry, it swam, nausea catching in his throat. He couldn't— _he couldn't_ —!

"Jeeze creezy. You're just makin' a whole lotta' somethin' outa' nothin', aren'tcha?" A reedy voice, somewhat familiar and yet not, trilled from somewhere above Angus' prone form. Sniffling, Angus dragged the back of his sleeve across his nose and set his dusty, broken spectacles back on his face. Through the reddish dirt and fractals, he could make out a small, bony child with a wild mop of sandy hair. His skin glittered with a map of constellations that stood out against his soft, green skin. " _Woof_. That's a face only a mom would love."

Angus let out a long snerking sound as he tried to suck the snot back in his nose. " _Wh_ —that's not very nice!"

"I'm not very nice," the elven child stated.

"Hh—?" Angus started a question and then bit it off. Then he tried again, "Wh—?"

"So what're you doin' in my alley?" The kid bent down to investigate Angus closer. Their eyes were a stunning purple with golden flecks, lashes long and thick. Angus realized that he couldn't tell whether this kid was a boy or a girl, but he knew that they had to be mentally younger than him. Not _physically_ , because elven aging and so on, but they talked and walked and acted like a child of about seven.

"Your—?" Angus heaved himself up and dusted off his pants. "I-I'm sorry, but, _where_ am I?"

The kid eyed him warily. "What do _I_ get outa' this?"

"Uh...," he patted himself down, searching for some form of payment, only to remember that he didn't really carry money on him when he was hanging out on the base. "Well...," he started turning out his pockets, looking for something to give the kid. When his wand fell out of his pocket, the kid's eyes lit up like he had just seen an aarakocra play the flute.

"You do _magic_?!!" Angus had to snatch the wand up before the kid dragged it away.

"A...a bit." He kept a wary eye on the kid, making sure that they didn't try and yank it away. "Would you like to learn?"

"I've only wanted to do magic for for _ever_!" The kid was supremely excited now, bouncing on the balls of their feet and holding their hands close to their chest. Until that point, they had been gesticulating wildly, as if they were used to translating what they said into CSL.

"Then h-how about this?" Angus took a deep breath, trying to justify bribing this child to get information, "You be my guide and I'll teach you some magic. I only really know transmutation spells up to level three but you probably could get a handle on some of the cantrips."

There was no hesitation whatsoever. The elven child bounded forward and shook Angus' hand vigorously. "Deal!" They drew back and spun on their toes so that they were facing away from Angus. "What's your handle?"

"Huh?" It took him a moment to recognize what he was asking. "Oh, Angus McDonald! You?"

"Usually Little Shit, Knife-ear, or Hey! Stop Running So I Can Hit You but the name that was given to me by my birthgivers is Taako." The elf, Taako, looked over his shoulder to smirk at Angus. "Now c' _mon_ Angus! I got some magicin' to learn!"

"A—ah...okay!" Angus trotted after Taako, little, baby Taako, with dread weighing down in his chest.

Well this was indeed quite a boner.

_I wonder how Taako—adult Taako—is doing?_


	3. Madness Takes its Toll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako has no fucking clue where the shit he is, but it fucking sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to try and update this story every day this week and then once a week after this in celebration of TAZ week. Idk how good I'll be at that but I'll do my best.
> 
> The song used here is "Ravens Roost" by [scribefindegil](http://archiveofourown.org/users/scribefindegil/pseuds/scribefindegil). You should deffo read their story.

Taako rolled over, his body aching in protest. "Fffff _fuck_ me..." He groggily pushed himself up and winced at the protest his muscles were giving him. With a small 'hup' he hopped to his feet and then staggered back and forth. His sense of balance was...off? As was his whole...schtick. Like the magic thing. He couldn't feel the constant hum of magic in his veins. He just felt...hollow.

"Well _tits_ then," he huffed. He dusted off his sweats and groaned when he realized he was outside, on Faerûn proper, in his casual wear. No hat, no class, just lazy day sweatpants and a cutoff shirt, his hair pulled back in a sloppy ponytail with a plain black band. The umbra staff seemed to have made the trip, however, and was pressed close to his feet. He could see the scuff marks where it dragged itself to him.

_Fucking weird._

He hooked his foot under the umbra staff and caught it mid air. Dex bonus loss or not, he was still a fucking flipwizard. He slapped it against his shoulders and took time to take in his surroundings.

He was in a dingy alley in a dingy town and the whole place smelled like sex and trash. His ears perked up and rotated, taking in the ambient noise. Loud feet against cobblestones, yelling and shopkeepers calling, idle chatter, and the subtle sound of salacious deals being made. Normal shitty city stuff. He languidly stretched, not unlike a cat, and cracked his neck. Then, with a long yawn, he hobbled out of the alley.

It was just as busy and just as disgusting as he expected. The whole damn area was just completely swamped with all the peasants that one could ever need and on almost every corner, there was a busker of one sort or another. Back-alley salesmen pitched their wares to unsuspecting rubes. Clever cutpurses slipped valuables off of their target's person. Absolutely normal and boring.

_Why the shit did that botched spell dump me here? Where in the hellish fuck is here?_

_Also: where in the fresh hell is Angus?!_

Using his keen perception skills, Taako surveyed the surrounding area. He tried to figure out where 'here' was. It wasn't the moon, that was for sure. It also wasn't Neverwinter, Hogsbottom, Refuge, Phandalin ( _ha_!), Rockport, or Brandybuck. Nowhere Taako had ever been, that he could tell.

In fact, the whole damn place seemed just... _archaic._ Not too much though, just...it inspired a sense of nostalgia in him.

Taako felt someone bump into him and noticed the lightness in his pocket. He zeroed in on the young thief and used Mage Hand to yoink his money pouch back and pants them. Upon retrieving his purse, he lazily strode in the opposite direction of the confused thief.

Wherever he was, it was certainly full of...interesting people. There was a homeless Orc, unconscious and reeking of booze, leaning against a wall. And the buskers were varying as well. Some of them played dulcimer and sang. Some of them played fiddle. One of them was a one man band. Just...variety all around.

Then he heard a soft, off-key voice and the gentle strum of a lyre. " _But hunters, my darling, are cowards. Of this I can easily attest. They came under cover of darkness and toppled the ravens' tall nest._ "

Taako keyed in on that voice. The song he kinda recognized, something about a town that was burned down or someshit, but it was the voice singing it that really caught his attention. He knew that voice. He knew that voice.

He locked eyes with the bard playing that song and felt his breath catch in his chest. Oh fuck.

" _Kravitz?_ "


	4. But Listen Closely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus gets hit on—not really—and subsequently gets hired by a brothel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WRITING IS SUFFERING!!! NO BETAS, WE DIE LIKE MEN!!!!
> 
> Ngl, I really love flower language and color theory and all that fun stuff. Knowing why people like certain things is probably the best thing ever. So expect to see a lot of that.
> 
> Also, say hello to our first named OC: Auntie! I took some time coming up with what and who she was but her voice was immediately in my head. Taako needs a good mother figure anyway.
> 
> HUGE S/O TO [thedesciple](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thedisciple/pseuds/thedisciple)FOR MAKING FANART!!! CHECK [THEM](http://galpalspaceship.tumblr.com/post/156984302179/kidtaako-from-a-jump-to-the) [OUT](http://galpalspaceship.tumblr.com/post/156999207939/bardkravitz-from-a-jump-to-the-left)!!!!
> 
> I'm just so happy :,)
> 
> (Also, when I posted this, Griffo hadn't posted the new chapter and we're all dying.)

Angus was, for lack of better words, _absolutely terrified_. If this was Taako and he didn't recognize him and he was younger, that meant that wherever he was, was in the past! And that meant that his actions here could have terrible consequences on future events. And that meant that teaching Taako magic was not only a bad idea, it was a _really_ bad idea!

He was messing with the fundamental nature of time and space and fate! He could literally explode the universe, or worse!!!

So, to say that Angus McDonald was having a minor freak-out would be a _severe_ understatement. He was only standing upright because of a small elven child that was tugging him across the town.

"So this place is Aventry. S'pretty small town but it's nice enough. People don't yell too loud and no one farms so that's good." Taako looked up— _!!!_ —at Angus with stars in his eyes. "Where're you from?" It seemed that, as soon as Taako found out Angus was a wizard, he immediately opened up. Or, he did the Taako-equivalent of opening up, which was to talk a whole lot without saying anything at all.

"Ph- _Goldcliff_...," Angus tried to lie but he just couldn't. Not to Taako. Not to his teacher— _student now?????_

"Oh wow! I hear that's where the Trust is gonna be built! They're storing a lotta gold there! Your family must be _rich_!" He grinned and Angus' heart melted when he saw how some of his teeth were missing and the ones that weren't were slightly sharp. It always seemed like an odd evolutionary trait for elves to have, sharp teeth, when they mainly subsisted off of plant matter.

"Yeah...they sent me off to f— _boarding_ school to get—my magical training together. We're on break now so I'm taking a quick trip around." That was a lie and it _hurt_ , every word tearing at his throat as he said it. He knew that if he wanted to minimalise the damage done to spacetime, he'd have to fudge a few details.

"That's real fucking neato!" Angus snorted. Hearing that word, that swear, come out of little Taako's mouth was just a bit too funny. Taako looked up at him, ears pinned against his head, "What's so funny?"

"N-nothing. I just remembered a joke I heard."

"Well cough it up! I like jokes!" Taako stopped moving and they drifted to the side of the cobblestone street. "Lay it on me!"

" _Ah_...so an elf, a goliath, and an orc walk into a bar. _Hah_! Th-their halfling companion just laughs and walks under it." That was the worst joke Angus had ever told but it was the only one he could come up with on the fly. _What's wrong with me?! That joke's not funny!!!_

"That is the... _best_ joke I've ever heard!!" Taako burst into a peal of laughter, his cheeks tinting a richer, warmer green as he howled with glee. "That was _hilarious_! You're _super_ funny!"

Angus had the slight feeling like Taako was patronizing him.

"So where do _you_ live?" He asked, casually stepping forward to follow him.

"Oh, here and there. Just, y'know, places!" Taako dismissively waved his hand, Angus trotting behind him as they took backstreet after backstreet.

"Any one place in particular?" Angus prodded.

"On the corner of _Nunya_ and _Beeswax_ ," Angus snorted again, tickled at how Taako that answer was. "What kinda spells d'you know?"

"Mostly transmutation. T-my teacher was trying to get me to learn more complicated ones but I botched it up pretty badly. Real boner on my part." His face burned with shame but he almost fell on his ass when he ran into Taako's back. He had stopped moving. He was silently shaking. "A-are you okay?! Taako?!!!"

Taako let out a shuddering breath and then inhaled deeply. "You _what_ now?!"

"Botched it up?" Angus repeated.

"No, the _other_ thing..."

"It was a boner on m—" he was interrupted by a howl of laughter. This time the laughter was ugly and snorting. Genuine. Taako was doubled over and just dying, practically, as he tried to process why that was funny. " _Ohh_...it's _not_ a dick joke!"

"Then what does it mean, fantasy Sherlock Holmes?" Taako wheezed.

"A _mistake_! It's _slang_!"

"It sure is!"

"What?!"

"A _mistake_!!! What era is that even from?!"

"Th-the sixties!"

"Then leave it there cause it's dead as _hell_!" He plopped to the ground and Angus felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes. The burning sensation that he knew preceded him crying built up in his heart and throat and nose and his face was darker than it was before. The kaleidoscopic images of Taako, doubled over, laughing at him, glittered and twinkled. He bit his lip to keep his feelings at bay, gently rocking on the heels of his feet.

"Well I like that word _thank you_!"

"So do I," and here, Taako winked cheekily.

Angus had to parse that for a moment, then blanched. "I think I'm a bit _old_ for you, aren't I?"

"Other way 'round."

" _Regardless_ —!"

"I'm just _goofin_ '! You're not much my type anyway." Taako waved his hands around as he talked and now Angus could definitely see the CSL in his movements. Someone he knew, someone he was close to, needed CSL to communicate so Taako had to learn. It had to be someone important to him too, if he was using it subconsciously like that. He rolled on his butt, using his momentum to get to his feet without using his knees too much. Then he gestured for Angus to continue following him. "C'mon! Auntie'll be pissed if I'm late."

Angus trotted after him, a sly reply boiling in his head. "So I suppose Auntie lives on the corner of _Nunya_ and _Beeswax_ then?"

Taako snorted. " _Ow_. Walked into that one."

"I have to thank you for setting me up with lodging. Seeing as...I don't really have any money on me, it's quite nice of you."

"Dango, darling, I do nothing for free. Pro bono is a no-no here in Taako station! Besides," his hands were waving errantly in the air again, "Magic lessons while you're here and Auntie gets another set of hands around the place. Win-win cause I don't gotta do as many chores!"

_Well at least he's always talked like this,_ Angus thought. Small comfort or not, having Taako nearby was good for his self-esteem. He couldn't fuck up again if Taako was here.

_Oh, that was a pun. Well damn._

Taako slowed and then stopped in front of a squat, narrow building with some Thieves' Cant scrawled on the side. From what Angus could pick up—as it was slightly different than the Thieves' Cant of his time—it said: " _Good time. Good girls. Good food. No pigs._ "

"Here we are! _Nunya_ and _Beeswax_." He gestured to the front of the building where a sign with peeling paint on it read ' _Auntie Winchester's Sweet Treats_ '. Beneath the writing was a soft, gray goose with its neck curled upward. The symbolism wasn't lost on Angus. "Home sweet home—most of the time."

"A bakery?" Angus gestured to the sign.

"Yeah, _kinda_ ," Taako smiled. "She has sweet treats for all of your preferences." He wiggled his eyebrows.

The innuendo wasn't lost on Angus, especially with the Thieves' Cant on the back of the 'bakery'. He blushed again and Taako chuckled.

"Now c'mon. We gotta' getcha situated before you can teach me magic! Besides, Auntie likes to know her help before she gives them board."

Anxiety settled in the pit of his stomach and Angus clutched his wand, letting the star on the end bite into his hand as an anchor. The two of them stepped forward into Auntie Winchester's and Angus was immediately hit with a wave of sweet smells and warmth. The inside of Auntie Winchester's was homey, almost like someone's grandma's dining room, with upholstered chairs in horrendous patterns and tables with intricate woodworking on them. The walls were a soft yellow with deep purple accents, paisley designs spiraling upward. Flowers sat in vases scattered across the room, strange bouquets of rose of sharon, violets, red, yellow, and striped carnations, datura, and hydrangea. Angus noted that the shopkeep handed each customer a flower with their purchase and some bouquets (very specific and carefully enchanted to last a long while) were in ornate vases on certain tables. It was keen and important.

There was a glass case that showed off intricately iced baked goods, from cakes and pastries to pies, cookies, and more difficult dishes. The sight of them made his mouth water. He had forgotten to eat before magic lessons and some of them reminded him of Taako's macarons.

_This must have been where he learned to bake,_ he realized.

" _Auntie! I'm back!_ " Taako hollered at the kitchen area. He nodded at the aarakocra manning the counter, a brightly-colored peacock who nodded back and clicked their beak in greeting.

" _Just a tick darlin'!_ " Auntie—because who else could it be?—replied. " _Just gotta' pull out these cin'mon rolls an' ice 'em_."

Whomever Auntie was, Angus liked her voice. It was low and sonorous, like a bow being drawn across a standing bass, with a honeyed edge and a rural twang. Just hearing her voice was enough to make Angus relax a bit, lulled by how calm and soothing it was.

Taako grinned widely, "Aw _yeah_!!! _Save me one to eat_!"

" _Pay for it, sweetpea,_ " Auntie chided.

"Pay _me_ ," he retorted.

When Auntie finally came out, Angus was taken aback by her appearance. From her voice alone, he had expected maybe a stout dwarf or a human even, not a half-orc. Not a half-orc woman who was twice his height and broad and bearded. Not a half-orc woman who was wearing a frilly pink apron and had an orc wedding bangle on her only remaining tusk. Not a half-orc woman wearing a monocle over her one good eye.

This is what Auntie was.

"Now who's _this_ lil' darlin'?" Auntie dusted her hands on her apron, already coated in flower and confectioners sugar, and offered one to Angus.

Angus tentatively took it, his own small hand completely swallowed by hers, and shook her hand. She smiled wider and Angus suddenly realized that her teeth weren't sharp. In fact, aside from her tusks, her teeth were more herbivorous in nature, flat and made for grinding.

_Odd_.

"So why'd ya' bring 'em here, hard-shell?" Auntie placed her hands on her hips and gave Taako a stern look.

"He needs a place t'stay and no money so I thought he'd be good here." Taako looked a bit sheepish. "I was planning to have him help you out as payment! 'Sides," he folded his arms and harrumphed, "he's gonna teach me _magic_!"

"Oh, is he?" Auntie quirked an eyebrow at Angus.

"Y- _yes_ ma'am. I'm going to teach him transmutation magic. It's my preference." Angus nodded fervently. Auntie looked pleased.

"A'ight kiddo, how good're you with people? Got good judgement? Can you cut through horseshit easy 'nuff?" She fixed her gaze on him and he tried to not wilt under her scrutiny.

_She's just like Killian and Brad. No different. Just talk to her like you would them._ "I pride myself as a detective, ma'am. I think my horseshit cutting skill is pretty high. As is my perception."

She laughed, a hoarse thing in comparison to her mellow voice. "A gumshoe that knows magic, _eh_? Not a bad skill t'have. You gonna snitch on my _legitimate_ business?" The stress on 'legitimate' didn't go unnoticed but it did go unmentioned.

"Whatever business you do here is _your_ business ma'am. I'm just here on a trip." He managed to keep his voice level and stammer-free.

"Good, cause those flowers ain't _just_ for dec'ration." She and Taako laughed as the aarakocra at the till handed a skinny dwarf a striped carnation and a violet with their muffin. "So long as you don't snitch and you don't make a pass at my workers, we're good, you an' I. I'll get you a key to one of th' lower rooms. Just know the walls ain't exactly thick down there so cast Silence or somethin' if it gets t'be too much for you."

Angus' eyes flitted back and forth between Auntie and Taako, watching their faces for tells. Finding none, he nodded. Sure, spending the night in a bakery-slash-brothel wasn't exactly his idea of good lodging but he couldn't argue with results. He'd just have to make sure that he kept to himself then.

"So...'bout that magic lesson you owe me," Taako said, drawing Angus back from the land of thoughts and clouds that he was in. "Let's do it to it!"

_What have I gotten myself into?_


	5. Not Much Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako does what Taako does best: lie, intimidate, and steal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW ABOUT THAT LATEST EPISODE YESTERDAY HUH?!!!! TT_TT
> 
> I LOVE YOU GRIFFIN BUT YOU LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE!!!!!
> 
> (And Merle the MVP is best dad! Pan bless the best dad.)
> 
> And if you want an idea of the shitty accent that Havlek is putting on, imagine the fucking most awful Indian accent done by a white dude in brownface and a culturally insensitive costume and you're about there. Now imagine they run an 'Indian Magic' themed hotel. Now imagine that they only hire white people. Multiply that by six. That's Havlek.

Taako was going to shit himself. Like, straight up drop a goddamn deuce right in his fucking pants. Ruin the best damn lazy pants he owns too. Fuck.

The man—who can't be Kravitz because A: Kravitz is hella dead and this dude has a pulse and B: he looks nothing like Kravitz—looked up and smiled kindly at him. "Oh, so you've heard of me." He almost sounded...sad.

_Oh fuck me running with a goddamn saguaro._

"Uh...yeah!" Taako gave Kravitz( _?!!!_ ) a crooked smile. "I mean, I just came to the area but I was told you were _the best!_ "

"They may have over-exaggerated a bit. I'm not _that_ great." Kravitz put his lyre in his lap and tilted his head. "I'm assuming you want me, right? I'm the only one on this street."

Confused, Taako scanned the street he was on and saw at least a half-dozen other bards plucking out tunes on their whatever the fucks. "I guess?"

"Well my rate is one an hour, five up front," Kravitz stood up and slipped the meager amount of coins he had in his hat into a ratty velvet purse, and slipped the ragged, ugly-ass Stetson back on his noggin.

Taako patted down his pants only to realize he didn't have anything in his pockets of value. Then he remembered that wherever he was—or _when_ ever because there obviously was some sort of time travel fuckery going on—he didn't bring his coin purse with him. Sure, he had his wallet, but that was purely cosmetic, with condoms and pictures and his fantasy insurance card. (Blue Cross, Blue Shield: the Paladin that Heals You!* _*for a price_ ) He sheepishly held up a finger and said, "Hold on bone dogg, one sec." Casting Blink, he slipped into the etherial plane and used this time to get behind one of the other buskers. He popped back into the material plane, jacked their cash, then Blinked again. Then he popped back in front of Kravitz and handed him five gold. "There ya go homie."

Kravitz ogled at Taako, completely gobsmacked at his amazing magic proficiency. Just completely ass-over-head. Amazing. "I, ah..."

" _Magic~!_ " Taako cast Prestidigitation, sending a small spurt of sparks out of his fingers while doing jazz hands.

"I'm...aware...," Kravitz sighed heavily and extended an arm, elbow first. "You have...lodgings, I would assume?" He was using his Work Voice(TM) and had been ever since Taako had first heard him. It was... _unnerving_. Especially when juxtaposed with his not-quite right looks and his sullen attitude.

"I have a place in the local inn. I'm working as a chef there," Taako lied. He was good at that. Lying, that is. "You'd like to go there?"

Kravitz nodded, his lips pursing. "Unless you'd rather have it done here?"

Now something deffo was tickling Taako's horseshit meter. _Krav—if this really is my Kravitz—is certainly using a very metered and specific set of words. A careful set of words. Words that are vague on purpose. I feel like something here ain't kosher._

He hooked his arm in Kravitz's and gestured to the closest inn—a slapdash place called the Illuminated Truth—and smiled. "I'll have to let the owner know I'm bringing in a friend. Brb my man!" Then he patted Kravitz on the head—carefully yanking his Stetson and placing it on his own head—and stepped into the inn.

The Illuminated Truth was _complete_ gobshit. Just a crooked tourist trap in a shitty town that was failing. Full of tacky nicknacks and 'original illuminated manuscripts' and 'magic' items at outrageous prices for fakes. The owner, a stout half-elf with unusually long ears, was decked out in a cheap velvet cloak with a genasai-inspired turban on his head and a large amount of gaudy costume jewelry.

 _Culturally appropriating asshole_ , Taako sniped internally.

" _Hello_ darling!" He said aloud, twirling the umbra staff on his wrist. "How are you today?"

"Quite well, fair traveler! Ant you?" His voice was accented with the goddamn _shittiest_ stereotypical Genesai accent _possible_. Taako hated him even more.

" _Excellent_ , so I am a chef of...shall we say, _impressive_ standing and have found myself in your fair town of—"

"Serix," he supplied as Taako drew out the word 'of'.

"—yes, _Serix_. I was just passing through Serix and I loved the whole... _look_ you have going on. Very _je ne sais quoi, mon cherie._ " The half-elf blushed.

"Tank you," he nodded in surprise, "my genasai bloot makes my contact wit de oter plains stronger." Taako's eyebrows disappeared under his bangs. "I like to make dis place similar to my ancestral home."

 _Okay fuck it, fuck this guy, and fuck his goddamn house of lies._ Taako casually leaned on the umbra staff and gave the half-elf a sneer disguised as a smile. "So you have two options, my friend. One: hire me, give me complimentary board, and watch your business skyrocket as I cook _amazing_ food for your clientele or—" he leaned in close to the half-elf and bared his pointed teeth in a grimace, "I waste a level five slot on burning you and your fake-ass business to ashes so fine that even _actual_ genesai couldn't give it form."

The half-elf paled and shuddered slightly. Taako faux cleaned his nails and gave him a half-lidded glance of disinterest. "Wh-what would you do?"

"You don't want to know, hun. Let's just say I'm responsible for the destruction of some _very_ powerful magic users and leave it at that, _yeah_?" He shot the innkeeper a soft smile—arsenic and garlic and chicken and choking—and the poor man swallowed heavily.

"W-welcome aboard, s-sir?"

"Call me Justin, dear. And what's your name?"

"H-Havlek. Havlek Sh-Shimari."

"Well Havlek, I'm going to take my key and then I'm going to take my friend to my room and you'll let us be. Pro bono, right?" Taako used the crook of the umbra staff to snag a set of keys to room 1-D and gave Havlek another cheeky wink.

"O-of course, Justin. I-when can I expect you for your shift?" He wrung his hands, accent lost in his fear.

"In the morning. _Bonne chance_!" Taako stuck his upper torso out of the door to the Illuminated Truth. "C'mon Kravitz. Let's boogie."

Kravitz trotted behind Taako, eyeing the merchandise and various sundries. His eyes met Havlek's but the half-elf didn't say a word, just worriedly played with one of his many cheap rings.

"Welcome to my room! Shitty but cozy!" Taako gestured to the small room and winked. "So shall we?"

Kravitz put down his lyre and started undoing his jacket, exposing his jutting collarbone and more of his deep purple skin. He shrugged it off and piled it next to his lyre then began working on his pants. Taako's heart sank as he realize exactly what it is he paid for.

_Holy fucking shit. I just paid for a prostitute._


	6. I've Got to Keep Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus tries to teach Taako Mage Hand—keyword 'tries'—and quickly learns that Taako doesn't do books. (Not that this is much of a surprise.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes! Sorry for how short this is but I hit a point that I thought was a good stop, even though I wanted to continue.
> 
> I'm not gonna lie: your comments keep me going. Were it not for that, I may not have had the motivation to keep this daily updates up.
> 
> Bonus points to anyone who was able to figure out the symbolism in the flowers from the last Angus chapter.
> 
> Also, the reception to Auntie was great but I have yet to hear anything about Havlek (though that may have to do with the reveal of Kravitz's intentions). Not that I need the validation, but it helps dammit! (I love my irredeemable racist half-elf. BTW: he's actually half-elf half-orc, hence the long ears, but he has more elf coloring.)
> 
> And to all of you who kudosed it, bookmarked it, subscribed to it, and commented on it: thank you so much. Y'all are the Zone of Truth to my shitty persuasion roll.

Angus took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. It was time. He had to do this. He had to teach Taako magic.

_Time travel is just completely nonsensical._

"Okay so Mage Hand is about as simple as it gets. You just have to focus the magic within you into the form of a hand, like your own, and manipulate it like your own limb." Angus cast one, a gentle blue Mage Hand—not invisible for a change—that gestured with him. "So you know how to find your magic, right? Elves are naturally in tune with the magical arts so it should be easy. For me, it's humming just beneath my skin, kinda like my blood. I can feel it if I look but it blends into the background like my heartbeat if I'm not paying attention."

Taako scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue. He seems to be paying a shitton of attention on trying to find his magic but after a bit, he huffed in frustration and opened his eyes. "I _can't_."

"You _didn't_ ," Angus corrected. "You _can_ because I believe in you, but you didn't do it _this_ time." He chewed on his lower lip as he thought about how to approach this problem.

_Taako isn't me. I work best with descriptions and diagrams and labeled ideas. Taako is more...flighty, I guess? He does best with his hands, with kinesthetic learning so how do I approach this???_

Angus bent down and exhaled out his nose. "Okay, so that was a wash. Let's try this," he formed Mage Hand and pushed it to Taako, gently curling the fingers so as not to snag his hair. "I want you to grab onto this. Just, kinda, feel it out. You work with your hands right?"

Taako nodded, "I mean I'm not the brightest candle on the bush but yeah, touch in' stuff makes it easier. Like I know if dough is right by the feel and rise, not because of the color or someshit."

It still startled him whenever little Taako cursed but he swallowed down his gut instinct to chide him and gestured again with his Mage Hand. "So get a feel for it. My magic is going to be different than yours—mainly because it's mine and yours is yours—but if you can feel mine and apply it to yours then we can get somewhere good. A starting point."

Taako's small hands explored the curves and supple quasi-realness of his Mage Hand, turning it over to trace the detailed life and love lines, running the pads of his fingers against the pads of his Hand's fingers. It was weird for Angus to feel something that wasn't really touching him but he tolerated it, despite it making his skin crawl. _This is for Taako. This is to help him._

Taako turned his Hand over and inspected the back, noticing that, for all intents and purposes, it was built like Angus' own hands. Even down to the whorl of his fingerprints. Completely identical and yet wholly magical.

"Y-you got it?" He stammered out, unsure if it was wise to break the strange concentration Taako had. Taako looked up at him, ears flattening against his head as he turned his focus inward, and nodded. "Alright. Let's try again. Feel that magic in you and try and pull it out. Think of it like controlling your breathing; you gotta flex those magic muscles and exhale the magic into a hand shape." He stopped talking when what he said registered as completely inane and dumb.

Taako continued to concentrate, his magic pooling around him in a way that was both quasi-tangible and wild and uncontrolled. It dribbled down his knees, across the floor, and avoided Angus by skirting around his own magical aura. Still, there was no form to it. Angus thought about what he was doing wrong; how he could help.

" _This is bunk_!" Taako threw himself flat on his back and kicked out his legs. "I can't do it!"

"You actually were giving off a good amount of magic, it just wasn't _controlled_ ," Angus assured him.

"I don't know why though! Like, control is my middle name!"

Angus quirked an eyebrow. "I was certain your middle name was ' _bullshit_ '."

"How _dare_!" Taako mock gasped but he was grinning wildly. "Anyway, I guess I'm just not built for magic shit."

"Nah, I just need to figure out what's your jam." Angus leaned back and rested his head against the brick front of ' _Auntie Winchester's Sweet Treats_ '. "Like, I did best with books and words but that isn't you."

"Yeah, reading's a chore. Plus words don't stay still and neither do the letters. They just kinda...," Taako blew a raspberry and gestured wildly with his hands, "yanno?"

_Okay, Taako's dyslexic. That's a thing I didn't know._ "I mean, not personally, but yeah, I understand."

"Yeah. Well...," Taako stated up at the faint blue sky of Aventry, "I mean, it's not like baking and cooking is hard. It's just ingredients and mixing them to make something delicious. Even icing and fondant is fun! Just... _making_ things, yanno?"

"Yeah...T-my teacher was teaching me how to cook. I made some macarons but the flavor was...lacking." Angus parsed what he had learned, trying to sift the proper way to teach Taako magic from the various detritus.

"Macarons are hard. I'm actually kinda surprised that the flavor was what you had issues with." Taako tilted his head back and raised his eyebrows. "The texture is the hardest part. Like, getting the cookie bit fluffy enough is hard but the texture of the bit in the center is just damn difficult. It always comes out grainy when I try."

"Chop the almonds really fine. Coarse almonds makes the whole thing chunky," Angus passed on his— _Taako's???_ —wisdom to Taako. (Time travel fucking sucked.)

"Ah..." He nodded.

Then it hit Angus. Like a fucking battlewagon. To the face.

_I know how to teach him. I figured it out!_


	7. Do You Remember Doing the Time Warp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako puts his foot in his mouth (but looks rad af doing it).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY I DIDN'T PUT THIS UP ON SUNDAY!!! GOMEN!  
> (technically didn't even get this up on Monday lmao)
> 
> HOW ABOUT THIS! Starting next week (as in this is my update for the week) I will update every Thursday. Mainly because I have that day off and also because TAZ on that day every other week. Sound good? Yeah okay then.
> 
> (also it's ass-o-clock here so sorry for any formatting errors.)

Taako nearly dropped dead right then and there. Here he was, in a a shitty motel in the past, with his bone buddy now stripping to the nude because he had hired him as a _prostitute_?! Error 404, Taako not found.

He shrieked and Mage Hand'ed his pants back up. " _Nope_! No thank you! Stop that at the goddamn station my man! Just end it now!"

Kravitz looked confused— _what the actual fuck is up with him why is he confused he wanted to be a conductor not a goddamn prostitute (not that there's anything wrong with being a prostitute, just...Krav?!)_ —and pulled his jacket back on. "You want it clothed? I mean, I'd rather _not_ , but if you insist."

"You misunderstand me!" Taako waved his hands in front of him vigorously, "I didn't give you that gold for sex—" _not that you aren't a fine specimen of the penis persuasion_  "—I was – I was under the impression that you were a _bard_!"

" _Oh_ ," Kravitz blinked slowly. His cheeks tinted darker and he brushed a few wiry strands of silvery hair out of his face. "Um...I didn't mean to _assume_. Most people," he shrugged and looked down at his feet, "tend to pay me for my _other_ talents, rather than my musical skills." He smiled softly, flashing pretty, pearly-white Drow fangs. "They usually do it to shut me up. I've been told I can't sing too well."

"Well your timbre could use some work but your playing is ex _quisite_." Taako was entranced with how similar-yet-different living Kravitz was than _his_ Kravitz. "But that is _far_ from the point. I paid you because I'd like the company. Not the sex—not that sex would be _unwanted_ ," he purred, "but I'm more in the market for your _personality_ rather than your body."

Kravitz wasn't meeting Taako's eyes. He felt a pang of pain pierce his chest. Fucking twenty HP worth of emotional damage. Shot to the heart, and you're to blame.

"Look, even if you don't just want to hang, keep the gold. You're free to leave whenever but I'll handily pay for both your food and the hours of company I receive." Taako was choking back his pain. He was a fucking goddamn stone cold asshole. He had a reputation to uphold. Taako, the insufferable thieving asshole™.

"I—" Kravitz began, clamping his mouth shut in the middle of the sentence, "if you wouldn't mind?"

"Dude. My _dearly_ departed dude," Kravitz's brow wrinkled in confusion but Taako ignored it and pressed ahead, "I _literally_ just said that I would pay whatever. You and me can head to the local dive, I'll buy you whatever poison you pick, we'll play a few hands of poker, then I can get you back home before you turn into a pumpkin, pumpkin."

"Well...," Kravitz stole a look at Taako and then turned his eyes back to the floor, "you said you were a chef, _right_?"

"Yeah man! Best one around! Pity that only Havlek would hire me." Taako rolled his eyes in mock disappointment, "but such is life."

"You...could you...cook for me? I mean," Kravitz played with his hair absently, "I've never really had...gourmet food before. Mostly the affordable kind." The cheap, shitty kind.

"Well this just _won't_ do!" Taako swallowed down a sea of nausea and hammed it up for Kravitz. _Play it cool. You didn't do it. It's not your fault. You won't kill him._ "What's your favorite thing?"

Kravitz thought about it. His face scrunched up, then he smiled, brightly. His grin lit up the room. Taako melted inside. (Outside he was still a stoic bastard.) "I've actually never had a chance to try stuffed mushrooms?"

"Then consider it done! I'll just get the shit from Havlek and then we'll get cookin', good lookin'!" Taako winked at Kravitz and swallowed his anxiety. He stepped down the stairs and sauntered into the main room. Havelk straightened up and looked visibly uncomfortable. "Hey, Holley!"

"Ah, y- _yes_?" He met Taako's eyes and swallowed heavily. He didn't take time to correct him either.

"You got a larder 'round here?"

"It's over there, just down that hall. The kitchen is in front of it and the dining hall to the left of that." Havlek tucked his head and immediately went back to pretending to do his taxes.

"Thanks!" He sauntered back upstairs and beckoned Kravitz down. "C'mon. You get the honor of watching me cook!"

Kravitz gave Taako a soft smile and padded after him. When they arrived in the kitchen, Taako immediately found the larder and started looting. Havlek's selection was...not good. That meant one of two things: either he had to go out and buy good ingredients with the money he didn't have _or_ he had to use magic to make the ingredients better. He didn't like the second option but the first required some more thievery and, despite his natural inclinations for stealing anything his gay little hands could carry, he _kinda_ didn't want to do that around the living Kravitz. It felt... _squicky_ cause he couldn't call him out on his bullshit.

_Look, worst come to worst, he dies. Then the Raven Queen recruits him and wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, time is on its way to being good._

_That's not a good thing!!!_ He screamed internally as he gathered sub-par food items. _Why the fuck do I think that's a good thing!!_

Burgeoning on a panic attack, Taako grabbed the umbra staff and transmuted the small mushrooms into large portobellos, the squishy tomatoes into riper ones, turning curdled milk into soft butter, and ham hocks into bacon. He swallowed his fear down and pulled the stems of the mushrooms out and set them aside. He was silent. He was so afraid that talking would jinx him that he was practically retreating into a meditative state to keep from being overwhelmed.

_Hungry faces turned to pain. Coughing blood and burning veins. Screams. Cries. The stench of garlic and baked chicken. Midnight blue berries taunting me. Pain. Fear. Run away. Murderer!_

" _Taako_?" Kravitz's soft question snatched him from his internal brooding.

"What's up buttercup?" Taako asked, pitching his voice to imitate cheer.

"Why did you put aside the bottom of the mushroom? Is it not edible?" He pointed one gaunt— _living_ —finger at the stems sitting on the side of the cutting board.

"Nah. You can eat it! I'm just gonna sauté this with some onions and tomatoes in butter and bacon fat to make the stuffing. Most people use finely diced meat but me? I like my veggies too much! Be _side_ s," he turned back to chopping the onions and tomatoes while the bacon cooked, "that much meat is too much umami for _this_ elf. I like my meals with more kick!"

" _Oh_!" Kravitz's eyes sparkled. "That's really neat."

"Wanna help?" Taako gestured with the knife in his hands at Kravitz then the cutting board.

"I don't think I have the skill to do that," he shook his head slowly and put his hands up in a sign of rejection.

"Look, everyone starts _some_ where and, quite frankly honey, you look like you're just bare bones. Learning to cook is learning to eat." _Plus,_ Taako thought, _it's less likely that you'll poison yourself than if I did it alone._ He knew he was being paranoid but dammit, old habits die hard! "I was _your_ size once."

Kravitz eyed Taako's portly figure and then nodded, slowly. "Alright then. If that's how you want to spend your time."

"Listen, clavicle—"

" _Kravitz_."

"—yeah, that's what I said. Anyway, I said this before and I'll say it again: I'm paying for your _company_ , not your _presence_ or your _compliance_. I'm not some person with a domestic kink. I just saw you and wanted you to be happier, ya dig?" He wrapped his arms around Kravitz— _fuck he was warm! This was a new sensation for sure_ —and guided his left hand to his knife. Kravitz looked confused.

"How'd you know I was a southpaw?"

"Your lyre," he lied, the liar.

"Ah."

"So you rock the knife like this, never picking the tip of it from the cutting board, and use your knuckles to gently keep the onion from running away. It's not cooked yet so it can still do that." Kravitz chuckled and Taako let a soft smile play across his lips. This wasn't so bad, was it? If he was stuck, he could at least keep his bone buddy alive as long as possible. Maybe even make him happy. Possibly domestic shit.

An image of Kravitz and him with three little orphan kids running around, plus Angus. He was in an old apron from the forties, with rollers in his hair. He was bouncing one of the smallest kids on his hip and was Mage Hand'ing a vacuum across the floor. It was a fantasy Dyson, the good kind that he couldn't afford when he was young. Kravitz was in a three-piece brown suit and a black tie. He kissed him on the cheek chastely and then waved as he left for his job. Taako took care of the kids, cooked, and cleaned. When Kravitz came home, he kissed everyone, ate dinner, and then went to bed in their separate beds.

_Never mind. Fuck domestics_.

(But maybe, when this was for, he could sneak a plate to Havlek for being accommodating, even if he is a bit of a dick.)


	8. Drinking Those Moments When

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus gets his shit together (except not really).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off: HAPPY TAZ DAY!! Who's ready to die?!!! Me for sure!!! Lmao.
> 
> Secondly: I am, in no way, able to speak Hatian Creole (the language I used for abyssal here) and so, since I've been using Google Translate for that shit, please excuse any garbage going on. I don't normally do that but I really wanted to make the language of infernal creatures something that was a blend of pleasing sounds and pigin tongue. Plus I love creole. It's pretty.
> 
> Say hello to another OC! I'm not gonna apologize for adding them in. I feel like Angus really needs some emotional support since he's literally out of time. This is my way of fixing this.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Angus stood in front of Taako with a group of ingredients on a small card table. He had asked Auntie for them and insisted that he would pay her back and then some. There was a large bowl of flour, a handful of eggs, a pitcher of milk, a mug with baking soda, a mug with baking powder, a small bag of granulated sugar, and a stick of butter. He gestured to them and smiled. "What do we have here?"

Taako gave him a pointed look that very obviously read as ' _what the fuck are you on about you blind dork?'_ "Ingredients for...ah...um...something."

"Cookies! Specifically: sugar cookies. Nice and easy, simple to make, and hard to mess up!" Angus adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose—note, study Mend to fix those as soon as possible—and nodded. "Casting Mage Hand is a lot like making sugar cookies!"

Taako stared.

"Look, hear me out, okay?" Angus moved forward and pointed to the flour, "Your magic is the flour. It's the base for any magic you cast but, since Mage Hand is nothing _but_ magic, it's the one thing you need the most of. Normally it's dry—inside you laying dormant—but by adding milk—which is you allowing your magic to activate—you make something you can shape." Angus's eyes flicked up to make sure that Taako was paying attention. Oddly enough, he _was_ , and Angus was filled with pride with the way he was carefully observing his gestures and demonstration. "Too little milk and you get a clumpy, powdery mess you can't do anything with. Too much milk and it's runny and difficult as well. You have to get the right amount." He poured what he assumed to be the right amount of milk into the flour. He knew he was doing it out of order but he needed to get his point across and Taako seemed to be grasping it well. "The baking powder and baking soda are like your concentration and will. Alone, they do very little, but together they cause your magic—or the cookies in this case—to rise the way it needs to." He dumped that in also. Taako seemed to be uncomfortable at the fact that he wasn't mixing it but again, he had to make a point. "Sugar is somatic—that is the gesture that you do in order to command your magic more finely—and butter is verbal. They, along with the eggs—representing your spell slots—bring the last bit of your magic together into a cohesive delicious spell."

Taako seemed to get it. He nodded rapidly and then shoved Angus over and hastily mixed everything together into a doughy mess, dropping small cookie lumps on a baking sheet. He looked relieved when the cookies held their shape. "Don't waste food, dude."

"My bad," he grinned sheepishly. "So do you think you have it?"

"Magic is like baking or cooking. You have ingredients and amounts and you mix 'em together to get a spell." He hoisted the pan of cookies on his hand and grabbed some of the dishes in his other. "And sometimes you run out of eggs," he adds.

"You wanna try Mage Hand again?" Angus asked, grabbing what was left and trotting after him.

"Yeah, just lemme get these baked before Auntie kills me for wasting shit." Taako nodded at the aarakocra at the counter and stepped into the kitchen.

"She'd more likely kill _me_ but I promised her I'd pay her back," Angus admitted.

" _Don't waste food_ ," he reiterated, harder this time. He almost sounded bitter.

As Angus washed dishes—something he actually was pretty good at, with his eye for detail and tenacious nature—Taako slipped the cookies into the oven and set a small egg timer. " _So_...," Angus started.

"You get magic 'n teaching 'n shit. I think that's real neat." Taako padded over to Angus and started drying the dishes. "But you just plain _suck_ at everything else."

"I haven't really lived alone for too long," he admitted.

" _Ah_ yeah, Trust kid, right." Taako nodded.

"I _do_ know how to function alone though. And you seem to have your shit together too." Angus's face twisted into a sort-of smile as he swallowed down embarrassment and guilt. "I think if I spend enough time around you, I should get it down to an art form."

"Functioning ain't _living_ ," he grunted.

"But it's _something_ , isn't it?"

"If you're an _idiot_."

"Well then call me the dumbest detective on the moon!" Angus smirked at Taako, then gasped and dropped the bowl he was scrubbing back into the soapy water. _Shit!_

Taako looked at him funny. "Alright. If that's your handle Alex."

" _Angus_ ," he corrected gently, "and it's not. It's just...it's a silly thing my... _friends_ call me."

"Well then _shit_ , moon-detective. I guess I'm gonna hafta start using it." Taako absently put the plate he had back in the cabinet above him. He stretched on his tippy-toes to exceed his small height of three-foot-six and Angus _still_ outclassed him. Sure, he had dragonborn blood in him, which afforded him some extra inches, but he was suddenly reminded of how tall he actually was.

Then what Taako said hit him full force and he blushed heavily. " _Oh_!"

"Now c' _mon_ moony-loony! I wanna get that Mage Hand shit _down_ and those cookies are 'bout done!" He beckoned Angus to the center of the room and sat down, legs crossed.

"You think you got it this time?"

"Does a beholder need glasses?" Angus frowned as he parsed the inanity of that statement. "The answer is _yes_ , moon-boy." Then he took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled it from his mouth.

Angus tapped the edge of his glasses and activated the True Sight spell placed on them. They were invaluable during his investigations but became even more useful when he started to learn magic himself. Knowing how magic moved and how to shape it to his will made everything much easier. With the spell activated, he could see the swirling eddies of Taako's vibrant purple energy gathering inward and then pulsing outward with his breaths. A small tendril slithered out from the rippling surface of his aura and began to braid itself with the magic that Taako was giving off and some of the ambient magic that was all around them. Gold and green and red and blue intertwined with Taako's shimmering purple but bit-by-bit a limb was forming.

Taako was murmuring under his breath. Angus caught some of the words, " _eggs, flour, butter, baking soda..._ " He was reciting ingredients. He was focusing on what he _knew_ and applying it to what he _didn't_.

Taako's Mage Hand finally branched out from an arm, to an arm with smaller arms attached. It still had no palm and the fingers only had one hinge joint, but it was taking shape and it was looking pretty solid. Taako continued to breathe calmly and it was all Angus could do to not let out a squeal of excitement. _He was so proud._

Then it happened.

The Mage Hand burst onto the physical plane, fully formed, and Taako opened his eyes. His face split with a wild grin and he flexed the fingers of his Hand experimentally. " _Wowee_! That is just—!"

" _You did it!_ " Angus let himself celebrate.

"I did it!"

"Congratulations Taako!"

"Holy shit, I did it!" Taako was bouncing around now, hopping from one foot to the other as he waved his Hand around excitedly. " _Look_ at this shit! I'm a fucking wizard now! _Suck on that Mackey_!"

"I'm _so proud_ dad!" Angus froze.

Taako froze.

Angus panicked.

Angus ran.

* * *

 

Angus had only been in the past for about six hours and he already missed the Bureau. He missed Lucretia, he missed Carey, he missed Killian, he missed Avi, he missed Johan, he missed Merle, he missed Magnus, and he missed Taako. His Taako. The one that was his mentor, who let him call him 'dad' without teasing him too much, who bought him nice clothes that he liked, who never said 'I love you' but showed it. He missed every last part of that shitty flipwizard.

_Fucking hell_ , he was pathetic.

_Big boys don't cry_ , he berated himself. _Big boys suck it up, bottle up their emotions, and create Molotov Cocktails with them. Big boys are fucking rubber and they bounce back._

He was not a big boy.

He certainly didn't _feel_ like one anyway.

He was in one of the back rooms in ' _Sweet Treats_ ', knees drawn tight against his chest, and was swallowing back sobs unsuccessfully. His breathing was ragged and staggered, broken with soft hiccups and choking noises. He was _so homesick_. He wanted _so badly_ to be on the moon again. He wanted to be on a moonbase that didn't exist yet with people who weren't around yet destroying Relics that hadn't been made yet.

He was horribly afraid.

For the first time in a while, he felt like a _child_.

There was a soft rapping on the door of the room he was cowering in. He lifted his head blearily and stared at it with watery vision.

"May I come in?" A sonorous voice asked. It didn't belong to Taako, nor Auntie, nor the aarakocra that had been manning the till. It was someone new and Angus simply tucked his head back into his arms, perched on his knees.

Whomever it was that was knocking, they could stuff it. He just wasn't feeling it right now.

There was a stretch of silence—or what passed for silence with Angus crying—and then the knocking came again. It was soft but insistent. Three staccato raps increasing in sharpness. The voice called out again, "I'm asking to be polite but you sound like you're not feeling up to snuff. Even if you don't answer, I'm coming in." There was a muffled rustle outside the door and then a small sigh. "I _know_ it's rude but I can't just ignore someone hurting like this."

Angus lifted his head in time to see the doorknob twist—surprising since he had locked it—and the door swing open to reveal a broad, black dragonborn. They were wearing a soft-looking shirt that draped below their waist and a pair of loose shorts. Perched on their snout was a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. Their beryl eyes widened when they saw Angus, knees drawn against his chest, tears streaming down his face. Then their whole visage softened.

"Do you want to talk about it?" They asked.

Angus just stared at them, unmoving aside from the small spasms that came from crying like he had been.

"I won't say a word, I'll just listen if you do," they added. They crossed their legs and sat down, their tail-stump flattening against the floor in what looked to be an uncomfortable position. "Want to talk," they clarified.

Angus remained silent but his observational skills kicked into overdrive. The dragonborn was unusual, that was for sure. Their eyes were a vibrant green with the traditional slit pupils, but their sclera were a deep black. Their tail was cropped short, a small stump that ended about a foot from their butt, and the end was heavily scarred. Unlike the average dragonborn, their horns weren't calcified spirals or spires that jutted from their head with little regard to the shape and flow of their face. Instead, they were soft bone that followed the swoop of their head and curved around like ram's horns. And the most unusual thing about them was the fact that they were staring, unblinking, at Angus.

Even dragonborn needed to blink. Or, as it were, lick their eyeballs.

"You're very pretty, you know." They commented. "You have soft eyes and pretty scales on your cheeks. I think you'd feel very nice to touch."

Angus tried to parse that. He failed. He was _super_ confused.

"And to top it off, you're smart, I'm sure." They continued, tapping their claws on the floor rhythmically. "The glasses are a dead giveaway. Though they're cracked. Would you like that fixed?"

Angus nodded slowly and flinched as the dragonborn reached out and touched his glasses with a single claw. He felt the soft wash of magic ripple over him and his glasses were whole again. His brows furrowed and he looked at the dragonborn in confusion.

" _Why_?" His voice cracked slightly.

"It ruins the whole aesthetic you have going. Broken glasses make you look like a _crazy_ smart person, not just a smart person. You looked unhinged like that. You don't seem like an unhinged kind of person. You read as very grounded to me." They waved a hand absently. " _Ou se yon nanm dou. Ou pa merite doulè nan w ap andire_."

Angus perked up. That was something he recognized. " _Ou gen dyabolik san?_ "

They smiled, " _Manman m 'te yon Ifrit ak papa m' te yon rpo dife gwo. Ou?_ "

" _Te Granpapa m 'fèt nan yon rpo dife gran anpil ak gwo grann mwen te moun. Papa mwen se te mwatye nan ki epi mwen menm mwen mwatye nan ke mwatye._ " Angus made a roundabout gesture with his hand.

" _Ou se pou kont yo. Ou pa poukont ou, sepandan, epi ou pa konnen ki jan yo santi yo. Mwen konprann. Santiman yo difisil._ " They gave Angus a soft smile. Angus nodded and they laughed. Unlike Auntie's laugh—a deep drumbeat that echoed and filled a room—or Taako's laugh—tittering and sharp snorts as he fought for breath—the dragonborn's laugh was like rain falling on a metal roof. Soft huffs and trilling noises escaped their mouth and they smiled even broader. "What is your name, _mwatye nan ke mwatye_? Mine is Spade."

"Angus," he replied, softly, hoarsely.

"Angus. One choice. A strange word." Spade hummed to themself. "Would you like to use my services Angus _nan chwa youn nan_?"

Angus flushed. " _Uh!_ " He looked away from Spade and tried to calm himself. "I...don't think I'm _old_ enough. Plus Auntie would _kill_ me if I didn't pay."

Spade laughed again. " _Ou se amizan,_ Angus _nan chwa youn nan_. My services are less of the _carnal_ nature and more of the _comforting_ type. Not all who come here look for copulation. Some look for someone to hold them. Touch-starving is a thing that is hard to avoid in a city this size. You can only love so much before you run dry." They met eyes with Angus and gave him a reassuring grin. "You are touch-starved. I can help. No payment. No reason to."

" _Would_...," Angus caught the words in his throat. He dragged them from his chest and forced them to be spoken. "Would you mind? Just...a _hug_ would be nice."

"Then I will hug you." Spade moved in toward Angus and opened their arms. "At your speed, at your time. Do not feel pressured."

Angus crawled forward and leaned heavily into Spade's arms. He sighed as they wrapped them up in a warm hug and the soft feeling of scales against skin chased his anxiety away.

" _Thank you_ ," he sighed.

"Your friend is looking for you," they replied. "And you have a job to do. Love is one of the few free things in life, another being affection. Not all of us deal in lust. Seek out help when you need it." They placed a small kiss on his head and nuzzled him gently. " _Fè Intrepid. Ou ap renmen anpil la_."

Angus stood up and stretched the kinks out of his back. A series of small pops emitted from his spine and then he sighed. Time to face the music. Time to fortify. He could do this.

(He still missed _his_ Taako though.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations for the 'abyssal' in this chapter (because I love y'all and Google Translate is horrible):
> 
> Ou se yon nanm dou. Ou pa merite doulè nan w ap andire. -- You are a gentle soul. You don't deserve the pain you will endure.
> 
> Ou gen dyabolik san? -- You have abyssal blood?
> 
> Manman m 'te yon Ifrit ak papa m' te yon rpo dife gwo. Ou? -- My mother was an Ifrit and my father was a dragon. You?
> 
> Te Granpapa m 'fèt nan yon rpo dife gran anpil ak gwo grann mwen te moun. Papa mwen se te mwatye nan ki epi mwen menm mwen mwatye nan ke mwatye. -- My grandfather was a dragonborn and my grandmother was human. My father was half of that and I am half of that half.
> 
> Ou se pou kont yo. Ou pa poukont ou, sepandan, epi ou pa konnen ki jan yo santi yo. Mwen konprann. Santiman yo difisil. -- You are alone. You are not alone, however, and you don't know how they feel. I understand. Feelings are difficult.
> 
> mwatye nan ke mwatye -- half of that half
> 
> Ou se amizan, Angus nan chwa youn nan. -- You are fun, Angus of the one choice.


	9. The Blackness Would Hit Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako eats a bigger crow than the one that his Kravitz works for and maybe dreams but also not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's two am here and I hate myself. TL;DR (aka: sans sordid details) I'm awake, I'm very goddamn tired, and I have had this finished for a good bit. That's right shitdicks, I've been just sitting on this chapter. Eat that!!
> 
> Um...just gonna say that I'm working on fleshing out the background characters more. Also, as with all of my other works...somehow, this has turned into a character study of sorts. Smh.
> 
> Did you know that a lich traditionally cannot be permanently re-killed without finding and destroying their phylactery. Otherwise, every 1d10 days they reform and fuck your shit up. And in 5e, they can immediately pass one throw once a turn. As in if they roll a nat1, they can say it's not. Like...Griff...this could have been a lot worse than what happened. Thanks for...kinda going easy on us?...waiting is killing me though...
> 
> Hope you like this garbage. Y'all seem to so far.

Taako watched wearily and warily as Kravitz ate the stuffed mushrooms he—they—had made. He moaned in appreciation and Taako relaxed a bit. No death. No poison. No Sazed.

Just Kravitz.

And, well, Havlek. In the background. Far, far away from the two of them. Hocking his wares to some dumbass halfling who was bartering for all they were worth.

Kravitz finished the dish and sighed contentedly. He looked over at Taako and smiled softly. There was stuffing on his cheek, right in one of his dimples. Taako squished the urge to lean in and kiss it off. That was too close to home. That was too close to... _him_.

"That was really good, Taako." Kravitz stood up, pushing his chair back under the table. "Thank you."

"So what's the damage, my man?" Taako stood up too and was struck by how much taller he was than this Kravitz. Almost a head. Almost. His Kravitz was taller than him by that amount. Another inconsistency.

"Ah, well...," Kravitz stared at a particularly interesting spot on the ground and waffled. "I actually...since you fed me and all..."

"Under the table, then?" Taako prompted.

Kravitz bunched his fists into his pants and nodded, face flushed and eyes screwed shut.

"Then I guess I'll have to pay you again so that you and I can eat more. Maybe even I'll sample some of your meat!" Taako opened his big goddamn mouth and shoved his fucking size six foot right into it. Choking on fucking shoe leather. Man, how's that fucking raven taste, my dude? Not good, it would seem.

Taako flushed immediately. Kravitz flushed harder. Taako looked anywhere but where Kravitz was. The movement was so fast that he got whiplash. His ponytail thwapped against his forehead and he had to blink some long strands out of his eyes. Fuck. Fucking fuck. Fucking fuck this fucking fuck.

_Fuck_.

"Ah...," he tried. "Um...," he tried again. "Well...," he attempted a third time. He opened his mouth a fourth time but he was beaten to the punch.

" _I have to go_ ," Kravitz shouted. His face was so dark that Taako was certain he could see heat waves coming off of him. "This was nice and all but I've gotta go sorry bye!" He ran out of the dining hall, his lyre tucked under his arm and his had on his head. Taako just watched him leave.

_Well fuck then. One-love: Kravitz. Damn that was a fucking trainwreck. Just like hot fucking damn that was a just right snafu. Damn._

He wasn't sure he was gonna live that one down.

As he pondered the 'what the actual flying fuck, did I just fucking contract verbal diarrhea' of the situation, he also took in some of the other things.

_One: Kravitz was busking. That was good. That was bard work. He always said he wanted to be a conductor. However, he was also prostituting himself. His self-esteem was so fucking low that he fucking was fucking random fucking strangers for five fucking G-fucking-P a fucking go! Fuck!_

(Taako had no personal issue with prostitutes and people of the night; he had, after all, spent some of his formative years in a brothel himself. What he had a goddamn issue with was how Kravitz acted when he seemed unsure. He knew that look. He knew that movement. That was reduction. That was damage-control. That was fear.)

Two: whatever the fuck Angus had done, he certainly wasn't where he used to be. For one, the second moon—the Bureau's base of operations—was not there. Secondly, he had taken a second to ask Havlek whether or not he had an elevator and he looked rather confused. That meant that either he was in an alternate universe where the Millers never found that mirror or, he was in the past.

That second thing bothered him significantly more. Moving through realities and dimensions was easy; time was not so malleable.

Also, Istus probably was just more than a _little_ pissed.

Three: if he was in the past—the most likely situation—then the Kravitz that he was purchasing ( _ew ew ew that still was a gross concept_ ) was the Kravitz before he died. His Kravitz before he died.

_Did he not remember me?_ Taako wondered as he chewed on some of his split ends. _Or is this little jump in time gonna fuck the whole of my 'now' up?_

Irregardless of how he felt, Taako knew what he had to do.

He had to fucking catch some sweet Zs.

(And back in his mind, burbling away like a shitty stew of anxiety, was the untold worry for one Angus McDonald. Cause he sure as shit wasn't with Taako, so where—or when—the fuck was he?)

* * *

Dreams are...uneventful when one is an elf. Mostly, they recharge using meditation, but when an elf wants to sleep, they're going to sleep like the dead. Unfortunately, that means that they also dream of the dead.

In Taako's case, he was dreaming of Magic Brian, Jenkins, Maarvey, and Kravitz. Specifically, he was dreaming of the three assholes in the Eternal Stockades and Kravitz keeping watch outside.

( _His_ Kravitz. _Dead_ Kravitz.)

"Darling, I think it's rather unfair that you are keeping us under such close watch," the white-haired drow drawled. He waved his hand flippantly and sighed. "We aren't going to do anything again. I've learned my lesson at least."

"Well, Brian," Jenkins hissed, somehow sounding more and less like Droopy the Dog at once, "the rest of us are right peeved at our situations!"

"Speak for y'self!" Maarvey replied. He was sitting down, back against the white-hot bars of the Stockade, seemingly not upset by the sizzling of etherial flesh. "I'm fuckin' stickin' here. Fuck that noise! Shit's calmer here. Plus I won't have t'deal with them...assholes out there. Or gettin' sliced in two again." He gestured to the slightly gorey wound running from his chest to his waist.

Brian nodded. "Nothing says 'eternal damnation and suffering' like being stuck with you chucklefucks."

"Wh— _how does that even fuckin' line up with what I was sayin'?!_ " Maarvey stood up too fast and his torso slid out of alignment.

"I'm _just_ saying."

"Well if you want to remain here forever," Jenkins drawled, "Then be my guest, but I'm breaking out." He angrily crossed his arms over the wheel tracks running across his shoulder.

"And waste your precious spell slots?" Brian teased.

" _YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!_ "

Kravitz just rubbed his brow wearily. "Look: I'm not here for idle chatter. I'm also not here to keep an eye on you. The three of you are well contained and having to share that space with each other is indeed punishment enough. What I want to know is this: do you know what Angus did?"

Jenkins gave Kravitz a sharp-toothed sneer, "Did the boy snoop and the shit wizard do something stupid with their magic?"

"At least they do _somethin_ '," Maarvey sniped.

"They are gone. Not dead, not displaced to another Plane, just plain _gone_." Kravitz paced the whole of the room that contained the Stockades.

"My condolences dear. I know how much Taako meant to you."

" _Means_!" Snapped Kravitz. Brian just smiled.

"Yes. _Means_."

"Look. I _literally_ wouldn't be asking you if it weren't my last resort but...two of you are brilliant magic users and all of you have met Taako."

"He was my demise," Jenkins grumbled.

"Mine as well," Brian added.

"Fuckin' sicced the pylons on me usin' a damn bugbear on my own goddamn bike!" Maarvey raged.

"So what do you know what magics he has at his disposal?" Kravitz stared at the three of them.

Brian's ears flicked against his head. "Does your employer not have ties to the goddess of Fate?"

"Lady Istus cannot locate them."

"Then that is most unfortunate," Brian didn't sound remorseful in the slightest but it was exactly what Kravitz needed.

"What would you know about this kind of magic?" Kravitz pressed. He was sounding less and less composed as time went on.

"If I were to take a stab at it," Brian waved his hand around, "then I would say that either they were displaced through realities or time." He gave Kravitz a sad, mocking smile. "Either way, the possibility of them making it back to you is almost infinitesimal."

There was silence, hard and sharp. Kravitz watched the three of them carefully. Brian was apologetically and ethereally examining his nails. Jenkins was rubbing a patch of road rash on the side of his hand. Maarvey was adjusting his torso so that he could walk without losing balance. None of them said a word.

He tore a rift into the Plane and stepped through, cloak billowing behind him.

Sadness followed him like a ghost.

* * *

 

Taako woke to the gasping clenching of his chest and the rapid beating of his heart. Fucking shit. He hated waking up like that. It was always sudden, and sharp, and pain that shot through his whole being and agitated the magic that buzzed beneath his skin like Pop Rocks in Diet Coke. Bubbles and tingles and fuck fuck fuck fuck!

And he never remembered what it was that made him feel that way.

He never remembered his dreams. (If they could even be called that.)

He took a deep, slow breath and exhaled shakily. He needed to get his shit together. In. Out. In. Out. Once his heart had calmed down and his body wasn't trying to throw itself out the window, he stood up and slipped into his sweats and his shitty shirt. He had stripped out of them last night so he wouldn't sweat right through them during the night. They stank of mushrooms and regret, but otherwise they were okay.

_I'm gonna hafta get my hands on some other threads or I'm gonna fucking lose my shit. A shirt that says 'Are You Nasty?' and a pair of tattered grey sweats do not a good look make._

He swiped a strand of hair from his eyes and groaned.

_And maybe some goddamn hair doodads. Clips and shit. To keep my damn hair out of my fucking face._

It was a plan.

Taako grabbed the umbra staff and slung it over his wrist. He stretched so that his joints popped, then he walked down the stairs to greet Havlek, who was meditating at the counter.

"Sup!"

"J-Justin! I didn't expect you down so early!" His face flushed a grey color and Taako rolled his eyes.

"Un-knot your panties, Hav, I'm just holding to my end of things. One thing though," while Havlek had been relaxing a bit, Taako's addendum made him stiffen again, "you got any spare clothes? I'm not exactly fashion forward in these nap-rags."

"Ah...I mean...I'm not sure if my own closet would fit you," he stammered, "but you are welcome to take something off the racks that you like?"

"Wonderful." Taako flashed Havlek a sharp grin and wiggled his fingers. "I'm gonna get dressed to kill, if you'll pardon the expression, and then I'll get cooking! I do expect you to buy better ingredients though. You tasted my cooking last night, I presume?" Havlek nodded shakily. "If I can do that with sub-par ingredients, imagine what I can do with _excellent_ ones." Havlek's eyes glimmered with thoughts of gold and traffic. He nodded again, more fervently this time, and Taako smiled gently in response.

Using Havlek like this made him feel just... _eugh_. Like, he didn't mind lying and cheating, but _outright manipulating someone_ like this with rewards and consequences was—

Well, a little too close to home.

He found an outfit though. If one thing could be said of Havlek, it's that he had taste. Even if it was racist as fuck.

When he changed into the clothes he snagged, he marveled at how the light airy fabric brushed against his legs but left him enough room for moving and breathing. It was a dress-ish thing but left his hands free. It did, however, cover his hair in lieu of his normal wizarding hat. Normally he wore his hat to cover the fact that he was...well...executive dysfunction was a _thing_ and bathing got hard sometimes. But without it, and no way to cover his matty-ass hair, he was going to either fucking lose his fucking shit or he was going to cover his fucking head with this damn scarf-ass dress-thing.

Havlek, to his credit, did not bat an eye at what Taako wore. Instead, he seemed more shocked by how Taako looked in what he was wearing.

"You...that is a very... _nice_ traditional genesai outfit...you... _ah_...look nice...," his face was the same slate hue as before, dark and embarrassed. "Jood gob...good job, I mean..."

"I think it's pretty banging myself, thank you!" Taako dipped low into a bow and cheekily winked at Havlek. "Now let's get crackin'!"

And he headed into the kitchen.

_Hopefully no one will die this time._


	10. And the Void Would Be Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus gets a job and learns more about Taako.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written between the hours of ten pm and one am, while waiting on my doctor's appointment, and while waiting for my goddamn prescription for Adderal to get approved. There is no better motivator than waiting on the latest episode in vague horror and dread as well as just being generally discontent with life. (Like seriously, fucking hell if I don't have goddamn enough issues without waiting on you to call my psychiatrist to verify the goddamn scrip because she's a nurse practitioner and it's a fucking amphetamine. Do I fucking look like someone who'd fill a fake scrip for a stimulant? I have enough anxiety as is!!! Ugh...I digress...)
> 
> Anyway, big shoutout to any and all of my lovely readers, subscribers, and commenters/kudosers! You make all of this worth it! And your acceptance of my self indulgent OCs is so good. I love it. Thank you so very much.
> 
> (And, as an added note, I did get my scrip filled. It just was a hassle.)

Angus took a deep breath and stepped out into the main area of ' _Sweet Treats_ ', wringing his hands and trying to keep himself centered. You are here. Your name is Angus McDonald. You are a member of the Bureau of Balance. You are in the past. You exist. You are real.

" _Auntie_?!" His voice cracked and squeaked as he called out for the ' _Sweet Treats_ ' matriarch. There was no response so he walked into the kitchen and tried again. "Auntie?"

The large half-orc turned to face him and a bright smile lit up the room. "Ah! Darlin' Angus! How're y'doin'?" She placed one hand on her hip and pointed the other one, wooden mixing spoon and all, at Angus' nose. "Hard-shell was pretty razzed about his magic. Y'did good there."

"It...ah...was nothing." Angus rubbed his arm in embarrassment and averted his eyes.

"T'weren't nuthin'! I haven't seen Taako that up n'about since Mîr taught him how t'walk in heels." She chuckled and went back to stirring whatever batter she was making.

"I mean, he had the potential there, I just had to find a way to bring it out of him," he nodded gently, "he gets cooking because it's simple to him, so I had to make magic like cooking. Though, I am wondering...what's his hang-up with food?" Angus locked eye with Auntie. " _Wasting it_ , rather."

Auntie let out a soft snort that ruffled her beard. "Ango, that's somethin' you need t'ask him. It ain't my story and it sure as hell ain't my life. Taako comes n'goes as he pleases, much like a cat, so if he's tellin' y'shit, you're golden. Irreplaceable. The best and most important person t'him. Or one of them." She tucked her chin in another sharp nod. "Bless him."

"Ah...," Angus nodded, a faint blush dusting his cheeks, "thank you for telling me this."

"T'warn't nuthin'." Auntie gestured with the spoon towards the back area of ' _Sweet Treats_ '. "Y'find your room?"

"I haven't had the chance to look yet," Angus admitted.

"Well if y'need help, one of mine'll assist you no questions asked."

"I appreciate that."

There was a bit of silence. It was supremely awkward. Angus was just dying inside. Finally he opened his mouth to ask, " _What do you need me to do?!_ "

Auntie jumped, her spoon clacking against the pan she was plopping dough on, and then let out a nervous titter. "Startled me there. Yeah, well, y'do wanna make yourself useful, _huh_?"

"Very much so," he nodded. In the background he could hear the faint sounds of something breaking and wondered if that was Taako being Taako or just a rowdy patron of the underneath business.

"Well, can't fault y'there. If you could man th'counter I'd 'preciate it. Cicero can teach y'what flowers go to whom. What keywords to listen to. How t'trust your judgement n'so on." The aarakocra at the counter had been replaced by a fluffy Lynx tabaxi, who waved a paw and smiled. Angus immediately wanted to pet them. He swallowed that urge.

(Their toe beans were so cute though.)

"Thank you Auntie." He ducked his head in thanks.

"No need t'be so formal." She chuckled and ruffled his hair fondly. A small dollop of dough fell on Angus' shoulder but he swiped it up with a finger and popped it in his mouth. Snickerdoodles. _Yum_. "Now git."

Angus trotted out to the storefront and walked up to Cicero. The tabaxi smiled at him and Angus smiled back. "Hello sir, I'm Angus McDonald and Auntie said you could teach me how to run the counter and what flowers to give to whom and so on." It was all in one breath and Cicero just stared for a moment.

Then they laughed. "Angus, I know of you. Auntie told all of us to keep a close eye on the young one who was hanging around with the scrappy young one. You will be a good influence on him." Cicero's intonation was stilted slightly, accented in the way that only non-humanoid races tended to be. When your mouth is shaped for different sounds, speaking Common is difficult to do. Angus blushed and drew in on himself but Cicero pet his hair gently. "You look neat and clean. I believe in you."

"Th-thank you... _?_ "

Cicero must have caught his hesitation and gave him a toothy grin. "Sir is fine. I'm not picky."

"Thank you, sir. I mean, I call everyone sir, regardless, but it's nice to know in a place that relies on knowing and such." He was twisting the bottom of his shirt nervously when Cicero placed a paw on his hands to stop his worrying.

" _Breathe_. You will do well." His mismatched eyes glittered mischievously. "Now the counter. Do you know our menu?"

"No? I just arrived in town."

"You will learn it. You look like you retain information well. For now, use the print-out we keep by the till. About the flowers," he gestured to the arrangement of flowers in vases behind the counter and on the counter and so one, "they go as such. Violets are for those looking for women who are women. Those uninterested in anyone have yellow carnations. Red carnations are for those interested in someone. Striped carnations are for those unsure. Rose of Sharon is someone seeking their favorite. Datura is for anyone who looks wrong or seems off. That one is on a by-instinct basis. Hydrangea is the same. If you think someone is going to be rude to the workers, give them one. It means keep a wide berth. White carnations are for those not seeking carnal services but companionship. And green carnations are for men seeking men." Angus took note of each flower as Cicero spoke, drinking in the intricate details of each blossom. "Please repeat what you kept."

"White carnations are for people looking for emotional companionship. Red carnations are for people willingly seeking companionship. Yellow carnations are for people who are not looking for companionship. Striped carnations are unsure. Green carnations are for men seeking men. Violets are for women seeking women. Rose of Sharon is for people seeking someone specific. And finally," he took a breath, ticking off his fingers as he went, "datura is for people who mean harm and hydrangeas are for people who are asses. Those last two are on a judgement-by-case basis."

Cicero smiled again and pet Angus' hair. He was slowly realizing he liked having his hair pet. It made him feel wanted and loved. " _Excellent_. Now, you know how to work a till?" Angus nodded. "You know the importance of sanitation and to wear gloves when you handle the edible items?" Again, a nod. "Can you sweep?" Nod. "Can you wash dishes?" Nod. "Then I think you are well prepared. However," Cicero stroked his beard gently, "we need to get you an apron as well as a cleaner set of clothing. Your current ones are well an good but they seem to be more comfortable than practical or job-worthy."

Angus looked down at his clothes—the closest thing he had to casual pajamas: a large T-shirt that once belonged to Magnus that he cinched at the waist with a belt and a soft pair of leggings—and shrugged, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "G-good point."

"Lucky for you," Cicero winked, "Mîr has more than enough clothes. I can get you something to wear that shows off your... _puppies_."

Confused, Angus looked down and realized that his shirt did, in fact, say ' _These puppies are the only dogs allowed on the moon!_ ' It was the first Magnus shirt he had grabbed and the large fighter, bless him dearly, let him have it.

"In the meantime," Cicero waved a paw about lazily, "man the counter and play nice."

"Will do!" Angus nodded and snagged a plain canvas apron from the hook near the kitchen, tying it deftly around his waist. Then he turned back to the whole of the dining area and waited.

He didn't have to wait long.

Taako came barreling into ' _Sweet Treats_ ' like the Raven Queen herself was on his heels. He came to a screeching halt, leaving small scuff-marks on the floor, right in front of the counter and gave Angus the up and down, then raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Hey moon-cow! Feeling better?"

" _Huh?_ " A deep flush crossed his cheeks and ears. He averted his eyes—down and to the left, a sure sign of falsehood—and became very interested in the grouting beneath his feet.

"I asked if you were feelin' better? Like, cause you booked _right_ the fuck out of there after calling me dad. Do you see me as a father figure, moon-shoe?" Taako, being Taako, continued to push at the wound with the added effect of odd nicknames and strangely genuine concern.

"Oh. _Yeah_ ," Angus swallowed heavily. "And if anything, I see you more of a _bother_ figure." Taako laughed.

"Run into one of the white-blossom workers?" He wiggled his ears and his eyebrows simultaneously.

"Spade," he admitted.

"Yeah. They're pretty good." Taako jumped over the counter, surprisingly not disturbing the few customers that were currently hanging around. Then he rifled through the display case and shoved a millefeullie into his mouth. He moaned quietly and then made a pretty competent Mage Hand, giving a big thumbs up. "Ohh, _Oghma_ , this one is just... _mmm_...Auntie is always really good at the flakey pastries."

"You got the Mage Hand down," Angus commented. He wanted to die. He hated feeling like this. The elephant in the room was shitting all over his normally poor and awkward conversational skills.

Taako's internal dialogue was rubbing off on him. That was _not_ a traditional Angus McDonald thought.

" _Heyyyyyy,_ " Angus drew the last vowel out in an attempt to try and gather his thoughts.

"Makes for both a good bed and an easy way to commit arson," Taako mumbled around a mouthful of millefeullie.

" _Oh_ -okay..?" He puzzled that over for a minute and then filed it away in his mental 'weird Taako shit' folder for later scrutiny. "Um, I wanted to ask about...well... _you_? Cause like," oh he was babbling now oh shit oh shit oh shit shut the hell up Angus, "if I'm going to teach you more magic, I need to know more about you. Like how you think and so on." His face was burning. He _hated_ feeling like this.

"The inner machination of my mind is an enigma. Mere mortals such as yourself could never comprehend the brilliance of it!" Taako smirked. A diversionary tactic at best. _At best_. This wasn't best. This was Taako being who he was. Will be. _Ugh_.

"Still, don't you have any stories to tell? Aspirations? _Goals_? I know you like cooking and you love sweets and food, you're good at magic but you have trouble concentrating, and you wanna become a powerful wizard one day. Aside from that, you're just...you. Like a... _n unfrosted cake_! Do you get it?"

There was silence—or as much silence as could happen in a bakery-slash-brothel—while Taako withered under his scrutiny. Then he took a deep breath and exhaled. "How bout this? I like you well 'nuff, you're a good dude and you're teaching me magic so, _bonus points_ , so for every spell you teach me, you get three questions and three answers. Seem fair? Knowledge in exchange for knowledge?" He stuck out a hand, dusty with crumbs, and looked at him expectantly.

Angus ran a quick test of loopholes on this deal, combing through the wording with a fine-tooth comb to make sure he wasn't trapping himself. "Three questions and three _honest_ answers for every lesson. Sometimes spells take practice and spell slots you don't have. That way, not only is the time I'm putting out paying off, but you're receiving the best I can give."

" _One_ question, one _honest_ answer per lesson," Taako countered.

"Alright. That's fair." Angus shook his hand vigorously and then smiled sweetly at him. "So what's your deal with food?"

Taako gritted his teeth and sighed, "I didn't...have lots of food growing up. The more food I have access too, the better. That's why you don't waste food; someone could need what you're throwing away."

Angus chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. He then gave Taako a bright smile, "Well now you have access to food! You'll probably get really good at cooking too! So there's the silver lining, right?"

"I s'pose?" Taako shrugged.

"Sure! So why don't you help me learn the menu!"

"Fair enough."

_I'm just so homesick..._


	11. Let's Do the Time Warp Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako totally doesn't have a fucking panic attack, but also totally doesn't take his boyfriend on a date to a shitty fantasy grocery store that only exists in the asscrack of podunk central.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one literally fucking up and took me for fucking ever. As in I started it Monday, and finished it today. Sorry if it seems a little sub-par but shit is going DOWN irl for me. (Not necessarily in a bad way, just in a Way.)
> 
> Big news! I became a MaxFun Donor (at the bare minimum because I am hella broke) and fuck all I love the TAZ: Nights crew and I want more of them so bad. Also, bless the McElroys because like holy shit I totally forgot how much content they produce. Griffin especially. That dude does so much and still has time for his wife and son.
> 
> (Griffin...please tell me how you manage to keep your life in order like that?! Can I have some of that magic stuff? Like, seriously, I want some. Help me beat my MonStars with some of Griffin's Magic Stuff!)
> 
> Anyway, stuff notwithstanding, some of y'all asked for OCs with Taako and I cannot say how much it means to me. Apparently y'all like my OCs enough to ask for more of them!!! And your response to Cicero was great! Y'all are great. Anyway, back to the topic of OCs for Taako (which sounds like a Flowers for Algernon AU and now I'm sad) I'm getting to it. Angus' OCs happened naturally because he's just a kid and he needs guidance. Also, unlike Taako, he's INFINITELY more likely to take help when offered, unlike our resident Goodwill trash goblin of a wizard, who would NOT go gently into that sweet night. He'd go kicking and screaming and spell slots be damned, he'd burn them all.
> 
> Your patience is appreciated. Your comments are appreciated. You are appreciated.

Taako whipped the eggs in his bowl furiously, trying to chase away the shame and embarrassment that plagued him. " _I wanna sample your meat,_ " he mocked, making even more vigorous movements with the whisk. "What a fucking loser. That's your _fucking_ boyfriend and you just stammer and stutter like some sort of _bullshit blushing bride_ and _just—!_ " He slammed the bowl down on the counter and planted his face in his hands. Letting out a loud, agonized groan, he tried to melt into nothingness. "There's no coming back from that...good job Taako."

"Justin?" Havlek poked his head in the kitchen and held up a couple of fingers. "I neet four more dishes!" He had his bullshit accent on, his turban askew and his face flushed with excitement.

Like he promised, Taako's food was drawing in a crowd to _the Illuminated Truth._ A _large_ one. Larger than Taako could cook for by himself, not that he was unable to do so, just that he needed a bit of help in the prep department.

"Look, I'd be _way_ more excited about the b-fast rush if I _maybe_ had someone to fucking bus tables and take orders out and, I don't know, _clean dishes?!_ " He jabbed his head in the direction of the overflowing sink. "It's getting crowded back here and if I die from a _fucking_ flatware avalanche, I will become a lich through sheer anger and haunt your ass into oblivion!"

Havlek blanched. "S-sorry but...well, te busboy was arrested ant te one who usually does dishes hasn't shown up in a few weeks."

"Find someone else, Harvey, or I'm gonna just up and vanish, leaving you with the aftermath and without one Justin!"

He nodded as Taako poured the egg-mixture into a few small pans set over a gas stovetop. "Unterstoot."

Taako grit his teeth and artfully added diced peppers, paper-thin mushrooms, crumbles of a fine-chopped meat, and a large tomato to each pan, folding the omelette when the inside was bubbly. Then he tossed the omelette in the air and it landed on the other side. He remembered the sound of applause when he did that for _Sizzle It Up_. He remembered the way that Sazed looked at him when he did little flourishes like that, urging him to try bigger and better tricks.

He remembered how well _that_ turned out.

Plating the omelettes with a sprig of (transmuted) chives and a tomato reduction drizzle, he slid four dishes out to Havlek and the small human that was scurrying around helping him. " _Order!_ "

Havlek scooped up three of them, the human grabbing the other, and they got the dishes to their intended person. Taako leaned back and took stock.

There was half a dozen eggs, the bare remains of a quart of milk, and only a handful of his toppings left. He poked his head out to Havlek and cast Message. _Hey! I've only got enough for one, maybe two more. Cut them off and seal the deal!_

He watched Havlek stiffen, his body jumping slightly as the message invaded his mind and drowned out whomever he was talking too. Looking back at Taako, he nodded subtly. "Alright! Dear patrons! Our esteemt _chef de chour_ , Justin, has mate _all_ he can for this meal! Please, give him a rount of applause!"

Taako didn't have it in him to correct Havlek on his shitty mispronunciation of _chef du jour_. Instead he just walked out, winning smile and charming personality at max. You could fucking see the glitters of charisma just rolling off of him. " _Thank you!_ I appreciate your patronage at my personal favorite inn, _the Illuminated Truth_!" The patrons lost it, cheering loudly—some with mouthfuls of food still—and someone in the crowd called his 'name'. His heart sank. He held back a cry. His world spun. The room smelled of garlic. "Now, if you will _kindly_ excuse me, I must be off! I'll be back for dinner though, so please be kind and drop by. I have _quite_ the meal planned." He gave them all a saucy wink— _ever the performer, aren't you?!_ —and a flick of the wrist, then strolled out of the dining area.

When he was out of sight of others, he bolted for his room. The door slammed shut behind him, Mage Handed closed with all the force his panicked brain could muster. He leaned against the wall, knees against his chest, and cupped a hand over his mouth to keep his feelings from spilling out.

_"You know, I've been watching you cook. I think you're destined for greater things than some shitty little caravan that pays copper on the gold. You could be making platinum out there with those skills! All you need is a little direction—"_

Flashing teeth, a grin? No, a _smirk_ , he knows! Soft eyes, crinkled into creases when laughing, cruel or otherwise. A tongue that worked wonders. Hands that knew all of him. A mouth that marked him. Love? _Possession_. Brands. A whisper.

_"Mine, forever and always."_

_"Gods, you're so perfect..."_

He wasn't sure how long he was in a meditative fugue, but when his head cleared, his face was crusted with the salty remains of tears and his hand had deep tooth-marks in it, some blood still dribbling down his wrist.

"Shit." _Fuck_. "I fucking can't _do_ that shit! It _wasn't_ my fucking my fault! _None of it was!_ Not the _rejection_. Not the _arsenic_. Not their _death_. _Not! Me!_ So just _fuck_ ing—" he clenched his injured hand, cracking open the scabs again, and slammed it against his forehead with each frustrated word, "— _stop. This. **Shit!!!**_ "

He threw his head back so that it slapped into the wall with a resonating _crack_ , sighing as the ringing pain cut through the haze around his mind. He took a moment to breathe and stood up, adjusting his new scarf and dress combo so that he looked elegant instead of the disheveled _fucking_ mess he actually was. Taking another long, deep breath, he steeled himself. Then he grabbed the umbra staff and vaulted out the window, rolling on the landing to cushion the blow.

Making sure no one was following him, or even noticed him leaving, he cast Blink and popped into the Ethereal Plane. He Blinked in and out as he looked for the corner Kravitz was on, pilfering gold pieces from passers-by. He found him eventually, sitting on an upturned bucket, lyre out, hat off, singing gently. Off-key, yes, but it was gentle and very emotional.

" _Please don't go, I love you so—_ " the note held, quavering as his strangely tenor voice strained to keep it stable, " _—my lo-ove-ly._ " Now his hands were flying over his lyre, strumming quick and sharp. " _Please don't go, please don't go! I love you so, I love you so. Please don't go, please don't go! I love you so, I love you so. Please take my heart! Whoa oh oh—please don't go! I'll eat you whole! I love you so! I love you so, I love you so. Please don't go! I'll eat you whole! I love you so! I love you so, I love you so_."

Taako didn't realize that he had popped back onto the Material Plane until Kravitz started and looked directly at him. His skin flushed dark and he stared. Taako wasn't sure if he should be flattered, scared, or embarrassed.

 _Yes_.

"Ah...hello, my humerus Krav..."

"I...um...don't think I caught your name last time we...met up?" Kravitz paused for a moment, thinking intently, " _Oh_! Never mind! You're Taako, right? Also," he added, "it's Kravitz, not Krav." He looked serious but the way the corners of his mouth pulled up slightly was reminiscent of _his_ Kravitz, _dead_ Kravitz. Calm and playful. Stoic and joking. He wanted so badly to kiss that mouth, pulling and nipping on his lips, drawing sharp breaths because he's the only one who needs to breathe. He wanted to intertwine his fingers with pale, yellow metacarpals and phalanges, cold bone against warm flesh, and just wait. Wait for eternity. Wait until the flesh melted and rotted off of him and he matched his love. He wanted it _so_ badly.

"My b!" He wasn't sorry, but he did apologize regardless. That's what people did when they loved someone, right? Apologize for their mistakes? That was a thing? "So...making much?" Kravitz flatly met Taako's gaze and tucked his chin sharply to indicate his mostly-empty hat. A few silver and copper pieces rested in the Stetson, only accentuating how shitty of a job this was. His fingers continued to pluck and strum out a soft tune, rhythmic and airy. "Fair point. Wanna get out of here?"

Kravitz ruminated on that, never ceasing his playing as Taako leaned towards him, chin propped on his hand. Then he sighed as he packed up his lyre and pocketed his earnings. "Do you have plans?"

 _Are we pretending the whole 'meat' comment didn't happen cause I am all for that shit!_ "I mean, what _ever_ tickles your fancy really." He handed over five gold and Kravitz quietly took it; something coloring his face that Taako didn't like.

"I mean, your money?"

"Your _time_."

"Ah, thanks then," he looked around, trying to find something to do. "Well...I rather liked cooking with you?"

Taako's gut reaction was 'fuck no, fuck this, fuck you' but he suppressed and repressed it in the way that only a practiced, maladjusted individual could. Instead, he smiled weakly and nodded his head. "Sure thing carrion, what were you looking to cook?"

Kravitz frowned at his nickname but, despite his short period knowing this man, he had gotten kinda used to his more common eccentricities. "Well it's around lunch time so, maybe some sort of soup or quick meal?"

"Any par _tic_ ular faves?" He tried to sound dismissive—tried being the key word—but his voice cracked slightly.

"Not really. Food is... _food_...," he looked down and didn't meet Taako's eyes. Now, after all was said and done and money had exchanged hands, he looked unsure of how to proceed with a casual conversation with someone who was paying him for his attention and affection. Not that Taako could blame him. It was one sort of fucked up thing going on, time travel notwithstanding.

"Well then lemme getchu one of my faves then. C'mon, let's head to the market. What kinda place do y'all have here again?" Taako offered his hand to Kravitz, who took it with some trepidation, and hauled him to his feet. As Kravitz tucked the bucket he had been sitting on in an alley behind the dilapidated apartment complex on the street corner, Taako noticed how he walked—knees close together, slow steps, shuddering movements, sharp huffs of breath—and was immensely homesick. There were so many similarities and so many differences that it hurt to look at him.

"Well, there's a fantasy Piggly Wiggly down the street? They have a pretty decent stock and the staff is friendly too." Kravitz walked slightly ahead of Taako, guiding him to his destination.

"Oh _wow_ , been a while since I've seen that shit... _huh_..."

"Yeah, they're not too common in more populated areas, but down here they're the best we have." Kravitz shrugged.

"No fantasy Wal*Mart?"

"Yeah, but their options are limited to only brand and they mistreat their workers so most everyone who isn't middle-class or higher avoids it like the plague."

" _Fair 'nuff!_ " Then, as an afterthought, "no farmers' market?"

"There isn't one organized. A couple small union-esque groups get together for a swap and sell, but it has to be done under the nose of the militia because the governor has her fingers in pretty much all of the brand businesses around here. And, because of that—"

"Yeah, fucking capitalism and all. She doesn't like it so it doesn't happen because if it does happen, it takes away from her business. Blah blah blah, lining the coffers of the rich, furthering the poverty gap, _blah,_ " Taako cut in. He had heard of a million different cases just like this. Small town gets big governor. Big governor isn't happy with small revenue. Big governor barters deals with big name businesses. Big name businesses move in, outing smaller mom and pop places, which put people out of jobs. That allows big name businesses to hire on the cheap because, well, where the fuck else will you get your money? Everyone is shopping here and you're a podunk farm-kid. You're boned! And then the city fails because everyone just fucks right off. And then big governor just up and demolishes the small town and sour grapes the whole damn thing.

"Pretty much."

"It's about as common as goat-fucking where I'm from," he waved his hand about dismissively. The smiling sign of the fantasy Piggly Wiggly came into view and Taako was hit with a huge wave of nostalgia. _Ugh_. Things he didn't want to think about.

" _Ew_?"

"Small town, no women, lotsa goats," Taako shrugged.

" _Bluh_ ," he just shook his head softly. "Well at least you had _some_ excitement!"

"None from whence you hail?"

Kravitz snorted, a smile emerging from behind the strangely contemplative expression he had been wearing. "No. There's not a lot of animals in Neverwinter."

"You're probably neck-deep in cute bards though?" The doors of the fantasy Piggly Wiggly swooshed open to let them in and the cashier—a very, very depressed-looking sphinx tabaxi—hollered out a standard, lackluster, corporate greeting. Taako snagged a basket with the umbra staff and slipped it in the crook of his elbow.

Kravitz flushed. "A-actually, _no_."

"No?" He arched an eyebrow.

" _No_. Neverwinter was more home to young professionals and hopeful wizards than bards. Bards are more of a...well...lower class profession." He almost sounded ashamed of his choice in profession. Taako tensed up. He wanted so badly to tell him that everything will be okay. That everything will turn out alright. That wizard schooling is bunk and, if he hadn't learned through secondhand books and watching people do shit, he'd be tit-deep in student debts of almost a million platinum. That he knows more out-of-work wizards than he does bards. But he bites his tongue and keeps the truth close to his chest.

"That _sucks_ dude. I mean, when you grow up in a town where everyone is either a farmer or a merc, deciding to be something different makes you a _target_. In a city that big though? You're _nobody_ , fucking invisible, and that...can't feel all that well? Plus yuppies fucking suck." Potatoes—fucking golden because _damn_ they're the best shit—heavy whipping cream, thick bacon slices—applewood-smoked because _fuck_ brown sugar and maple—and some _really_ fucking good roll mix; it all went into the basket. Hands were busy while mind did emotional checks. Rolling a goddamn ten and bullshitting his way through that nonsense.

Kravitz mulled that over, looking at the items that Taako grabbed and placed into his basket, and found it worthy. "Invisible is _one_ way to describe it. _Lonely_ is another."

"Well cheer up! You've got _me_ now and you've got something to look forward to too! And fuck," he shrugged and lazily tossed a bottle of ranch dressing into his basket, "push come to shove, invisible isn't half bad."

"Chives."

" _Huh_?" His ears slapped down against his head and he squinted at his companion.

"All you need now are chives. Or some sort of spring onion. For the soup," he added.

Taako rifled through his basked and his ears shot up again. "Oh _shit_ , your right!" They doubled back and went to the produce section for those good, good onions. Taako picked up onion after onion and sliced them with the sharp point of his nail. The area that they occupied smelled of sweet onion and sharp chives. Figuring now was as good a time as any for a lesson, he handed an onion to Kravitz. "So tell me how you tell an onion is good or better than others?"

"The outside?"

" _Incorrect_. Surface damage is one thing, easily fixed and all, but only one thing. The smell. The weight. That's what important." He handed Kravitz another onion. "Toss it gently in the air and catch it. Feel the way it slaps against your palm. Feel that weight?"

"Yeah?"

"That ones no good. Something in there is wrong, but the first one? Toss that," Taako took the second onion out of Kravitz's hand and placed it back as he tossed the other onion up and caught it.

"Oh! That has a different feel!" He looked just _delighted_ at this new information.

" _Yeah_ , bone-dogg, that's a good onion," he put it in a bag and dropped it in his basket. "Now let's pay and leave so I can teach you some good eats my man!"

They checked out—Taako was now down five gold and fifteen silver—and walked their way the fuck out of fantasy Piggly Wiggly. Taako was Levitating the bags as they went back to _the Illuminated Truth_ to cook. Kravitz was happily describing the best type of music for lyres—pretty much everything because they're so versatile—and gesticulating wildly. He looked so happy. He looked so at-ease. He looked better than he had before, more relaxed, more at-home. He just looked... _right_.

"Welcome to _te Illuminated Trut_!" Havlek greeted the two of them as they entered. Taako passively noted that a lot of the merchandise was missing, as were room keys, and Havlek looked like he had fucking vored the governor of Neverwinter—because, as you know, if you eat someone, you take their job and money and family. " _Justin_! I didn't see you leave!"

"Yeah, I jumped out the window. Hey Harry?" Taako waved away Havlek, who blinked placidly when he addressed him. "Dinner's gonna be a fucking _stellar_ pasta dish. Noodles are your choice, tomato sauce, meat and meat substitute, eggplant, bell pepper, onions, tomatoes, and some _fucking_ help in the goddamn kitchen _please and thank you Jesus fuck_!"

Havlek ducked his head in understanding, jotting down the grocery list, and raised an eyebrow at Kravitz. "Anytink else?"

" _Please_ do me a solid and get some halfway decent booze? Like, I'm not asking for like a goddamn vintage scotch or something, just maybe _not_ toilet wine for a change?! And don't water it down. Shit tastes like key-lime gogurt. _Ta_!" He and Kravitz—poor, confused Kravitz—walked into the _Truth's_ kitchen and set down the bags. "Ready Krav... _itz_?"

Stunned at his kind way of honoring his request, Kravitz nodded. "Potato soup, right?"

"Got it in one!"

"Well then, let's get going!"

_Maybe I'm not fucking shit up. Maybe I can get shit done. Maybe I can actually do something with myself._

_Maybe I'm not a big fuckup._


	12. Let's Do the Time Warp Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus sleeps like a baby, drinks milk with his breakfast, and totally doesn't have an emotional breakdown in front of the younger version of his teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's your local sheep here, tired and scared and a lot of other things right now. None of them relating to RL things—'tis TAZ Thursday after all—but hot shit I am just worn the shit out.
> 
> Firstly, let me thank Griffin motherfucking McElroy for not only the amazing narration and plotting and building and flexibility, but also for fucking shitting all over the fanon of this fic. Boo you whore! Ahh well, as it has been said many times: it's called 'fan fiction' not 'paid publication of canon material'. Just have fun.
> 
> Second, I want y'all to know that I became a 10$ MaxFun donor and do not regret a single dime I'm gonna spend every month. That shit is worth it. Also I encourage those of you who can afford it—no pressure whatsoever, honest to bob—to at least donate 5$ a month to the McElboys and dad (or the McElboys and wives, if you prefer Shmanners, Rosebuddies, or Sawbones). The bonus content is worth it—heads up for a very...well, I can only call it ASMR Hell MBMBAM bonus called 'Big Gulp' that triggered something in me I didn't fucking know I had an issue with—and you get good THB backstory and a beach episode and two (maybe three) TAZ: Nights episodes featuring my son Tom Collins, my hobo drunkle Lenny Manlito, and my wife Troth. They're all really good guys. I suggest it heavily but don't feel obligated.
> 
> Third, and finally: I want to point out that, despite new canon evidence that just balled Jump up and got a 3-pointer shot into a trash can, I will not change my plan. It will continue in the macro, it's the micro that's evolving.
> 
> Also: heavy warning for some heavy and explicit panic attacks and disassociation. And not subtle but vague mentions of past abuse. And, as always, thanks for continuing to comment and read. Y'all literally keep me going. Literally. I have commitment issues lmao.
> 
> (Finally—for real cause I know it this time, sorry dudes—I just wanna say that I wrote this and as I was going, with a vague idea of the chapter in mind, it just kinda....happened? Like the beginning was as designed in my head but about the middle it got muddled and then the end was pulled out of my ass faster than a mature tapeworm. So enjoy and sorry if it kinda peters a bit.)

Sleeping in the lower quarters of Sweet Treats wasn't as bad as Angus was anticipating. In fact, save for a few lewd noises and some crying, it was mostly silent. Auntie had been kind enough to get Cicero to show him where he'd be rooming—one of the white-blossom workers had left to join the University so he was given their room—because she knew he knew him. Still, on a ground that didn't move beneath him, in a bed that was too soft, in a building that wasn't full of the sounds of grief and paranoia and guilt, he was having trouble sleeping. In the end, head thrumming with the deluge of ' _what if'_ s that plagued his waking thoughts, he eventually slipped into a restless, dream-free sleep. And then he woke.

_Is this what being an adult feels like? Cause I hate it._ Angus stretched and yawned, his back popping in fifteen different places it definitely didn't before this night, and shuffled out of his room and into the main hallway of the lower quarters. No one was up—save for a few choice people sneaking out early to avoid undue questions—so he sleepily padded up the stairs and made his way to the kitchen. Maybe he'd try that quiche lorraine recipe Taako had left out in plain view a couple months back. Quiche was easy, right? But first: _espresso_. Just the strongest shit shot right into his veins, stomach lining and enamel be damned. He _really_ needed his java this morning.

Surprising no one but Angus, drowsy as he was, both Auntie and Taako were bright eyed and bushy tailed. Wide awake. Just chipper as fuck-all.

"Oh! I didn't realize anyone would be awake at this time...," Angus was glad that he went to bed in his PJs instead of stripping down to his skivvies like he would in the comfort of his own moonbase room. "I was...gonna make my favorite breakfast and maybe drown myself in coffee. It's _very early_."

"Nah dawg, just hop your pretty little ass on that chair and I'll get you squared away in the caffeine department!" Taako jumped off the counter he was sitting on and patted the seat of a chair before making a mad dash for the kitchen. "Pick your poison!"

"More espresso than healthy," Angus felt weird talking peer-to-peer with Taako, _child_ -Taako or not, but right now he was too tired to give a damn. "Blacker than the Raven Queen's ass too. If I taste sugar I think I'm going to hurl. Same for cream. Just _don't_."

"Y'should watch y'r mouth kiddo," Auntie winked at him over the counter, artfully folding dough again and again, "th' Queen don't take too kindly t'blasphemers. Plus, what makes y'think her ass is black?"

"Figure of speech," he didn't even have it in him to feel bad about this either. "Yknow? Cause ravens are black-feathered? Anyway: didn't know you were someone who followed the Queen?"

She laughed softly. "I don't subscribe t'any one religion, but my wife was a devout worsh'per so I just picked it up." She wistfully continued to fold the dough, thin layers becoming thick layers becoming what Angus assumed would be Napoleons. "Anyway, 'nuff of my silly worries. What was th' breakfast y'were plannin' on makin'?"

"Oh," he sat up straight as a loud clatter and a string of swears emanated from where Taako had disappeared to, "it's...ah...quiche lorraine."

"S'a good one! _Hard_ , but good."

"My, ah, teacher left the recipe out one day when he went to go hang with his secret boyfriend and I just...well, I read it and haven't had a chance to try and make it yet." Now he looked embarrassed. His cheeks were flushed and the small scales that were smattered all over his cheeks stood out starkly against the warmer color of his skin.

Auntie smiled and passed something to someone out of sight; Angus had to assume it was Taako by the low dip of her hand and patient nod when more swearing was heard, followed by the sink running. "Well why don't y'give it a try?"

"No, I'm _fine_! You've got the kitchen right now and are stocking up for the day! I'll just grab a Danish and get ready to man the counter. Taako taught me most of the menu yesterday so I think I'm a lot more prepared than before!"

"Darlin', how're you s'posed t'learn if y'don't try?"

"Imitation? I'm a visual learner!"

"Honey, that's bullshit n'y'know it," she gave him a pointed look and he broke eye-contact, betraying the guilt he felt. "I saw how y'moved with Taako, like y'knew what motions t'make t'convey th' 'ntent n' meaning of th' spells t'him. Y'may've adapted t'be visual, but deep down y're kinetic. All th' book learnin' in th' world won't teach y'what a measurin' cup, hot oven, n' a couple hours in a kitchen will. N' y'can take _that_ one t'th' Trust." She winked cheekily and gestured to the kitchen. "If y're scared 'bout messin' up, just have Taako help y'do it. That kid knows his way 'round a kitchen for sure."

"I...I think I'll take you up on that offer, thanks Auntie." Angus wearily peeled his legs off of the plastic-y upholstery of the chair he was on and hopped to his feet. "And thanks. I'd love to know more about your wife, if you have time."

The wistful longing reappeared in her eye, the look that Angus recognized easily because he had seen it in Magnus' eyes all the time, but she nodded, the bangle on her tusk jingling against its cracked surface. "M'haps sometime later t'day. If y'have time b'tween teachin' magic n'learnin' t'cook, that is."

"Thanks." He jogged into the kitchen to see Taako lounging against a wall, sipping on a—very burnt looking—cup of coffee. It was a deep caramel color, thick as tar, and just drowned in cream and sugar. Angus could smell it from where he was standing.

"Damn machine didn't dispense the right amount of water the first time." Angus pointedly looked at the other two cups, currently soaking in smoky grey, soapy water. "Okay, the first _couple'a_ times. But, to be fair, you _did_ ask for quite a tall order."

"Never made coffee like that?" Angus smiled as he operated the—antiquated! Holy _hell_ this machine is worth _thousands_ of gold _decades_ from now!—machine, getting it to dispense five shots of espresso into a full-sized mug followed by drowning it in a light blonde roast.

"Yeah!" He looked away, cheeks puffed slightly. His foot was jiggling as he stood there and tried to not look like he wasn't embarrassed—though his ears and his normal tells gave it away. "I've made coffee _lots'a_ times! I just haven't used this damn machine before! Plus you asked for it strong and shit if I know how strong that would be. You look like death warmed thrice over."

Angus laughed, a soft huff of laugh that blew steam away from the lip of his now-full mug. "More like death brewed thrice over." There was something refreshing about the early morning fog that he was swimming in that allowed him to be looser and more casual with Taako than normal. He knew that, once the coffee kicked in and ramped his anxiety up to a million, he'd regret every word that passed his lips. For now, he was going to just take it as it was. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. And shame-free.

He knocked back half his coffee—rather, his caffeine sludge—and grimaced. "Okay, yeah, don't like that but I'm awake now."

Taako howled, "That's why I drowned mine in everything that ever tasted good!"

"Swap you?" Angus eyed Taako's mug—a kitschy, chipped thing that said 'Claws Out, Paws Out' with a picture of a Drow model cheekily snarling at the camera.—and offered his own, more generic mom-and-pop cup.

"Oh, sludge for milky delight?" Taako snorted, his ears twitching rapidly, flicking up and down as his entire body tried to rapidly ingest the mass amounts of caffeine in his blood. "I don't think so!"

"Well then how about I take this off your hands? Elves process things faster than humans and the amount of caffeine you have to have in you is enough to make a goliath jumping in their shoes." Angus held out his non-dominant hand and wiggled his fingers. "C'mon kiddo. Gimme."

"Kiddo my ass!" Taako looked less offended than he sounded, which, if he remembered Taako's body language and tells, meant he wasn't offended at all. When Angus raised a single eyebrow and wiggled his fingers again, Taako huffed and handed over his mug. " _Choke on it_ you dork."

"Thanks." He tipped the mug as high as he could and waited patiently as the strangely solid liquid slid in coagulated clumps towards his mouth. When he finally got a glob, he grimaced and hacked. "Did you make it with simple syrup instead of water?!"

"Look, nothing else was gonna drown out the taste of burnt and ass and burnt ass! It was sugar, vanilla, and caramel or _bust_!" Taako's ears flicked and rolled as he listened for sounds only he could hear—whether a byproduct of caffeine or just an elven thing was yet unknown.

"And cinnamon," Angus noted, scraping the last of it off the bottom with a spoon and gagging at the sight of the remains.

"Good tastebuds!"

"Good _teacher_ ," Angus mulled over the disgusting aftertaste and his thoughts. " _Oh_! Before I forget!" Taako's ears snapped up, alert and confused. "Auntie told me you could help with a dish I want to make!"

"She _did_?!" He looked starstruck, eyes glimmering as he thought hard about Auntie praising him like that.

"Mmhmm," he knocked back the rest of his caffeine sludge and ducked his head. "You have cooking down and it's pretty neat! Magic is coming along nicely and, despite this—" he waved the empty mug around with a wry smirk, "—you have good taste. You like food; you told me that much. You also like me?"

Taako rolled his eyes, "I mean, I hang out with you, don't I?"

"Fair." Angus scrubbed his dishes absently, his mind a million miles away.

"What dish?"

"Hm?"

"Whatcha wanna cook, moon-kid?" Taako skipped over to the sink and helped Angus dry and put away.

"Oh! Um," his cheeks colored, "quiche lorraine. It's...something my teacher was good at."

"Didn't he teach you it?"

"...no."

"Then how do you know that's his recipe?" Taako arched an eyebrow cheekily.

"He left it out on the counter one day and I memorized it."

"Have you made it before?"

"No..."

"Hoo boy, this is gonna be a challenge." Taako rolled his eyes and rolled up his sleeves.

"I mean, I've made spinach florentine before, so why should quiche lorraine be any different?" Angus washed his hands and toweled them off with a clean dishrag.

" _Au contrair, mon frere_! They couldn't be any more different!" Taako was in his element now, "lucky for you, quiche loraine is my _speciality_!"

" _Really_?" Angus was actually surprised. He though that, maybe, this was a Taako that didn't know this recipe but, no dice.

"Yeah! First thing I ever cooked!" He puffed out his chest and then waved Angus away, "eggs, cream, bacon, and a good pie crust. Auntie freezes some of them for later use so they should be in the fridge."

" _Yes sir!_ " Angus smartly saluted, giggling internally at being taught by Taako once again. The cycle of stupidity is complete. Having spent a bit of time in the kitchen—almost none save for the retrieval of the ingredients used to teach Taako how to control his magic—he knew where some of the things he needed were. Eggs and cream were in the fridge. Naturally, Angus knew there was a meat freezer of one sort or another, so he poked around in the freezer section until he found it and the pie crusts. He grabbed one that hadn't been fluted yet and balanced the entire load he had using Mage Hand, Levitate, and his own two hands. When he got back to Taako, ingredients in tow, he couldn't help but glow with pride at the way that he stared starstruck at his magical prowess.

(To be fair, what felt like many years ago but was only a handful of months, he had looked at Taako much the same way. Regardless, it was endearing. And good for the ego.)

Taako shook his head, ears flapping against his cheeks, and cleared his throat. "Ahem. Okay, Alex! Time to get cookin'!" He pointed to all the ingredients one-by-one and smirked. "These are the building blocks of what is going to be one helluva fucking good quiche lorraine. You know the whole spiel and so on, so Imma save you some time. Fucking cooking is _magic_. You take raw shit that would kill you and with a bit of time, a few motions, and fire, it's not only edible but it's fucking _delicious_!" He gave Angus a proud, snaggletoothed grin. "Now what'ch're gonna do is fucking whip those eggs with the cream until they fucking cry for mercy. Light and airy, like you're fucking makin a damn cappuccino. Tiny-ass bubbles." When Angus didn't move, Taako waved his hands as if shooing him away, "Don't just stand there like I told you to fuck your nonny! Chop chop moon-dude!"

Angus hopped to attention and snagged eggs as Taako continued to holler directions at him, his own hands occupied with crisping up the bacon just right. ("Not too underdone cause then you get fucking grease in the custard, but not too crispy cause then you get enough charcoal to fuckin write a book on how to not cook bacon. Just right so that it crumbles well and still has enough give to crisp up more before becoming someone's senior art project.") He threw in spice after spice, whipping the eggs finely, added the cream carefully, and soon he had a soft yellow liquid with a fine froth on top. It smelled heavenly—if a bit... _egg_?—and Angus was already flapping away. Taako, too, looked super pleased with himself. He was chewing on the ends of his hair.

"Aight Skywalker, now you pour that shit in the pie crust. Slowly, so shit's even and all, but like, fucking up and at'em atom ant!" Taako supervised Angus' pouring skills after making sure the fresh bacon crumbles were mixed in too—only half though because, and quote, "gravity fuckin sucks my dude"—and soon the quiche was ready to enter the oven. "Now just shove that shit right in. Like that. Yeah. Cool. Now we wait." Taako cleaned his hands up to the elbow and started to was and put away the dishes.

Angus was acutely aware of the fact that he wasn't on the moon base he had called his home. The biggest tell was how the ground beneath him was stationary; he couldn't feel the gentle eddies of the air beneath the base rocking beneath him. The next biggest was the loud sounds of town outside of 'Sweet Treats'. As Angus helped Taako with the dishes, absently lost in his own thoughts, his mind wandered to more pensive musings.

The past. The present. The future—both his and this Taako's. All of it. All in one. Home? Family, perhaps. Mysteries just out of reach. The Relics. Was this before them? It seemed to be before the war, that much was obvious. He couldn't feel the creep that they gave off—a subtle undertone that hummed under his skin like a song he couldn't name and a smell he couldn't place—so maybe they just...weren't? But all-in-all it was just confusing. And lonely. Even though Taako was right there, it wasn't his Taako. It wasn't the caustic, irritating, blasé idiot wizard that he had come to love so much. It was a boy, barely older than himself if even that, who was living where right and wrong twisted together into a muddy blur of law for law and law for right. He was running and hiding and learning and leaving so quick, so young. Even Angus had trouble moving from home, to Grandpa's, to the Bureau's base without feeling horribly nostalgic for times that may have existed had everything planned out like in his novels. So how did this little elven boy fare? Did he long for a home that didn't exist? Did he want for family that wasn't there? Did he cry late at night, when no one was awake to hear?

(Did he miss him? _His_ Taako. Did his Taako miss him? Was there an Angus-shaped hole in him, where and whenever he was? The selfish part of Angus, the eleven year old boy torn from the only people he considered family, wanted him to. The other part, lawful and kind, knew it would hurt, and he didn't want to inflict that hurt on Taako.)

It wasn't long before Taako noticed how spacey Angus was being. He gently—and deftly—slapped him across the face with a rather competent Mage Hand, shocking him into collapsing to the ground, hands over his head as if to protect himself, curled in the fetal position. Angus bit his lower lip to keep himself from crying, stifling a high-pitched keen of pain and fear. Taako just watched, face folding in on itself, as Angus McDonald—the boy who had barreled into his life as quickly as anything else, but who had, even in such short time, left a lasting impression—lay on the floor and shook with repressed terror.

"Please," he whimpered, "I promise. I love you. I'm a good girl. Your pretty girl. Just stop. Please stop. It hurts. Stop. Please. I'm sorry. Please. I'll do it just please. I love you I promise. I love you."

That cinched it for Taako. Face a mask of perfect rage, he knelt down and curled around Angus, a soft tune in elven whispered in his ear. " _ **If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed, then we should feed our jew'lry to the sea. For diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me.**_ " As the soft of Elven wrapped around Angus and drew him back to the now, Taako nuzzled the back of his neck and continued so sing. " _ **And then she said she can't believe genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues. Tripping eyes and flooded lungs. Northern downpour sends its love.**_ " He combed his fingers through the kinky curls of Angus's hair as he continued, taking slow, even breaths to get Angus to match. " _ **Hey moon: please forget to fall down. Hey moon: don't you fall down. Sugarcane in the easy morning. Weather vane's my one and lonely**_."

Soon Angus' crying petered out to soft whimpers and even that died down. Taako continued to stroke his hair, the small elven child seeming to envelop the taller human child. "Y'don't hafta talk about it if you don't wanna."

"Sorry...," he stammered out between shuddering breaths and restrained sighs.

"That's enough. The quiche is almost ready. C'mon Angus. Let's do it to it!" He unfurled from around Angus and stood up, offering an outstretched hand to help him up as well. "If we leave it alone any longer, the secondary bacon won't take."

"Okay...," he took his hand and stood up, his knees quivering with exhaustion. "I am really—"

" _Don't_!" His tone was sharp as a whip, lashing out and rending emotional flesh raw. "You've said sorry enough. _Just_...c'mon. This is gonna be baller." Taako threw a small handful of bacon crumbles at Angus who, upon picking them out of his hair, popped one in his mouth and smiled, eyes closing in gentle appreciation of the food and the memory it brought.

(A hearty laugh and arms wrapping around him. Familiar arms, large and covered in brassy scales. The thrumming rumble of a voice sending gentle jibes his way. Fresh bacon, crisp and crackling, permeating the air with its mouth-watering aroma. The snap of grease as it popped up and caught him on the face. Soft whimpers and a feathery kiss with a forked tongue. A soft coo of surprise when scales came in where skin had left. Pride. Warmth. Safety. Longing.)

The quiche went back into the oven—"only a lil more Dango, promise"—and Taako hopped his ass up on the counter and swung his bare feet back and forth, eyes trained on his toes and mouth pinched downward in deep concentration.

"Copper for your thoughts?" Angus prompted, his voice soft and hoarse still, but growing stronger as time passed.

"You've got family in the Trust, right?" Taako huffed, mouth quirking in the most transparently fake grin Angus had ever seen his mentor wear. When he didn't answer, Taako sighed. "Fuck. Like, _okay_? Normally I don't do sappy-ass emotional shit but like...you're pretty fucked up from me startling you earlier so like...," he met Angus' eyes and grimaced, "do you have things in your past you wanna forget?"

Angus didn't answer. The lack of answer was enough.

"Cool. Or _not_ cool, as the case may be." Taako twirled a strand of hair around his finger. "So like, don't expect this shit all the time, kay? We can't all be open books full of sad stories and shit." He jumped slightly, as if he reminded himself of something. "Not you, mind you. _Other_...people."

More silence as Angus just let Taako go on. He could feel the buzz of his adrenaline being overtaken by the frenzied feeling of caffeine and parasympathetic response. He rode it out. He always did. It was the McDonald way after all.

"But like, when you need help just, yknow, fucking _ask_?! Cause I'll listen cause you're rad and shit, and I know Auntie won't mind the white-blossom workers giving you some pro bono time with them, 'specially since Spade took a shine to you. But," he trained his gaze on his toes again, wiggling the stumpy digits as he tried to find the words within the labyrinth of his mind. "Just don't hold it in. I can tell you that it'll do more harm than good."

The timer pinged, letting them know that the quiche was done, and Angus got the honors of pulling it out. Taako got to cut it, but that was some good shit right there and first cut gets first pick so yeah! The custard had set into a lovely fluff, aerated enough to have risen almost above the lip of the pie crust, and small bacon swimmers poked up for air, their brethren drowning in deliciousness below. Angus took in an appreciative breath and sighed contentedly.

"There isn't a recipe in the world that garlic can't make better," Taako remarked through a huge mouthful of quiche. "'N anyone that tries to tell you differently is a fucking liar."

A memory flickered to the surface. Taako, angrily throwing things around in the kitchen. He was swearing loudly and stomping as hard as he could. There was a shattering sound and a glass jar containing garlic fell to pieces against the wall, the herb rolling across the floor. Next to him was a large chicken, raw with long slices through it and slivers of garlic shoved in them. It had a knife through it that, against all odds, was also piercing the counter through the cutting board. The oven beeped to say it was pre-heated. Taako screamed, wordless and angry, and kicked the oven. "Fucking _useless_! _Fuck_!" And from the hallway of Tres Horny Boys shared dorm, a ten year old Angus McDonald watched his teacher fall to pieces.

The memory twisted the taste of garlic into a bitter pain but Angus cut through it anyway and enjoyed the recipe as best he could. His chest felt hollow—as it always did when he wore himself down like he just did—and his emotions were mere echoes in a cave of clamoring thoughts. Lost in the crowd. A forest of trees. Slithering, slipping, running between his fingers more solid than liquid—that strange half-state that only slimes and jello occupied. Still, the soft sound of Elven singing and soft hands in his hair and the gentle feel of someone helping him brought memory to front to bond with the taste of bacon and egg and cream and garlic and smoke and spice and butter and flaking crisp bread. He could feel the taste intertwine itself with safety and calm and love and friend and safe and safe and safe. And okay. Not good, just okay. And he smiled.

"Fucking rad, _yeah_?"

Angus nodded. "Where'd you learn how to cook this? It's not far off from my teacher's version." He served himself another slice, never moving his gaze from Taako's.

" _Oh_? Auntie taught me. She taught me how to cook and this was my first dish. I've gotten much better at it now!" He puffed out his chest and flashed a charming smile. Angus huffed in laughter but let him continue his bragging. "And now you know! So now you can make it too and everyone will know how delish this quiche lorraine is! Score for everyone involved!"

"Yeah...," Angus nodded.

"Yeah! So," Taako jumped off the counter and excitedly hopped in place, "magic for cooking! Them's the breaks kiddo!"

"Older than you," Angus chided playfully. Though his emotions were just out of reach, an etherial fog just adjacent to his corporeal form, the bright purple of happiness flickered and glimmered within, making contact with softly spiraling tendrils. "But yeah. I don't think I'm needed till midday rush anyway. You?"

"Run messages and errands and do whatever I want really. Comes with the territory of bein a fucking dope-ass boss like me." Homeless and alone, was the unspoken translation.

"Then let's try Prestidigitation next. It's another cantrip."

But there, lurking behind it all, was fear.

_But I'm safe now, aren't I?_


	13. It's Just a Jump to the Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako totally doesn't almost accidentally kill his living boyfriend and definitely doesn't remember shit he'd rather forget and for sure doesn't forget shit he'd rather remember!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, ah, welcome to the world's most Jossed TAZ fic? Multichap TAZ fic? Idk. Either way, thank you so much Griffin McElroy!
> 
> Now that this (and Three Points) are my only WIPs that I'm working on, the quality should go up? No promises though.
> 
> Again, per the norm, I lost control of this and had to find a point that made me happy and was a good time to throw Taako off the train that's hurtling towards 'Fuck All This' station. Bless this mess.
> 
> Big S/O to Nutty, whose name I stole. You can pry this from my cold, dead hands. ;P
> 
> Also: "Love Sandr. Trust Sandr."
> 
> (Leave kudos and comments to feed the writing demon that fuels my brain.)

Taako was actually _pleased_ to be up and about this morning. Coffee was waiting downstairs for him to imbibe until he was alert. Havlek hired help for the damn kitchen last night and they were decent. Kravitz was there.

_Yeah_ , Kravitz was there.

* * *

 

Last night Taako had, well, for lack of a better word, _convinced_ Havlek that Kravitz would be a good sous chef. (Not that he had ever had a sous chef before, but Havlek didn't need to know that.) It went about as well as one would expect—i.e. _terribly_.

"I don't think this is a good idea Justin! You can't just hire whores as chefs!" Havlek gestured wildly as he spoke, actually adamant enough about something to stand up to Taako.

"Look, Harvey, I know you and I don't see eye to eye all the time," Taako was being flippant, glib and quick with the name-that-is-not-your-name thing he did when he wanted to irritate people, "but get one thing straight: Kravitz _isn't_ a whore."

"You purchase his time," Havlek pointed out.

"You purchase _mine_ ," Taako retorted.

"You provide _goods_ and _services_!"

"As does he."

"Not _sex_ though!" Havlek was starting to lose a bit of his composure and Taako was immensely glad that they were in a private room. Whether or not he disliked Havlek's business practices—which he did, _despite_ knowing that a guy had to eat—he didn't want to ruin his only chance at any security in this time-slash-place.

"I can _assure_ you that everything I have payed him for has _not_ been sex."

"You've only known him for _two_ days Justin!"

That was a familiar feeling, someone saying something like that. Another name, another place, another person, his own voice?

_("You can't marry that ass [REDACTED]! You've only known him for two days! You've barely dated him!"_

_"[REDACTED]"_

_"Look, I don't care if you love him, you and I both know we fall hard and fast but...if he's with the [REDACTED] then how can we trust [REDACTED]."_

_"[REDACTED]"_

_"Irregardless! I don't trust the [REDACTED] as far as I can throw them and you know my strength modifier is garbage so take a wild guess hon!"_

_"[REDACTED]"_

_"Fuck you too you fucking lumberjack lesbian fucking disaster of an elf. Go ahead and suck [REDACTED] denim dick for all I care but when you get hurt, I get to fucking say 'I fucking told you so [REDACTED]!")_

So much information that his brain just glossed over. It was wrong and familiar all at once. He hated it. He forgot it quickly enough when he stopped thinking about it.

"My dude, I've known _you_ for less time and you trust me enough to _run your kitchen_. That's the pot calling the potato seasoned." With all the grace and poise of a predator that was playing with its food, Taako leaned back and placed the umbra staff across his shoulders.

"Y-you _threatened_ me!" Havlek was sweating now, face glimmering with a sheen that brought out the grey orc undertones to his skin.

"I haven't in some time."

" _Regardless_!"

"Havlek. I am running you some decent profits, _yeah_? Enough that you can afford decent ingredients? Enough that you can hire staff? Enough that you and your sister aren't the only ones running this place?" Havlek nodded shakily. "It's not a threat so much as a suggestion but, when the cash cow says they need a stud, you tend to want to supply the meat, _hm_?"

Havlek's face was almost the shade of a drow's with how hard he was blushing. Taako, in all his grace and etherial beauty, looked amazing now that he was being supplied with free picks from Havlek's wearable wares. And, unfortunately for the poor half-elf, Taako was well aware of that—and also _super_ not interested.

"Uhh..."

"I'm not saying you pay him wages. I'll take care of that. You pay me, I'll pay him, he stays in a room here, free board and food, and I teach him enough that you can just run on him alone." Taako shrugged, "I gotta go home eventually so I figure training a replacement is good insurance, _yeah_? Besides," he snorted in laughter and adjusted the scarf around his head, "as much as you'd like Annaise to take over the kitchen, she just doesn't have the grasp on it yet. Give her a few months and she should be golden. She learns fast."

Havlek chewed on his lower lip as he ruminated on Taako's suggestion. On one hand: room and board as pay until he's head chef. On the other: how would people react to having a prostitute handle their food?

"You promise to teach him your secrets? And he will teach her?" He leveled a finger at Taako's nose, which wrinkled as the scent of the patchouli oil the charlatan drenched himself in invaded his olfactory senses.

"All the secrets I have, 'Lek." Taako winked saucily. Havlek broke eye contact.

"Fine. But you still need to rely on the dishwasher and busboys I've hired."

He shrugged, "fair enough terms. Shake on it." He stuck out a hand and Havlek grasped it and they shook on it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some dinner to cook! And rotini was a good choice. Very fancy. Next time I'll go with something that matches your whole," he gestured at all of Havlek and shrugged. He was met with a deadpan stare.

And that was that.

* * *

 

The day had gone well; dinner was a fine affair and even more people were coming and trying and saying it was delicious and not dying or bleeding. Kravitz was eager to learn, taking to memorizing recipes like he did, and soon could recite the menu by heart. He felt so appreciated.

And the help that Havlek had hired were actually half-decent. Nutty, a dryad-elf mix, was good with washing the dishes and with Taako's more flighty nature. She took it all in stride, a patient smile and a gentle nod rather than frustration and loud words. Brent, a stubby and gruff human that looked suspiciously like he had goblin in him, was the busboy. He was blunt and useful because he hopped to it as soon as he could, with as little complaint as possible. And, of course, Havlek did seating, waiting tables, and fronting for _the Truth_. Annaise, his sister, ran meals and acted both as waitress and as a bit of a gofer for Taako and Kravitz.

The day came and went and soon— _far_ too soon for Taako's tastes—it was breakfast and then dinner again. Kravitz had, thankfully, gotten more practice in but...well...he was preternaturally clumsy. He'd managed to even add more dents into Havlek's copper cookware than they had before.

_(Note to self: get Hav to buy cast iron. Copper is usually shitty and leaves a metallic tang. And when it oxidizes it looks horrific.)_

Still, despite the many, _many_ setbacks, breakfast was a grand affair. And, as with earlier that day, the dinner crowd was large and loud and pleased. Unlike that morning, there were more of them, in fancier and fancier clothing. Thankfully, Taako could easily spot the pickpockets and the poseurs in the crowd—having some modicum of experience in those affairs—deftly and privately dealing with those that tried to rob his clientele. There was, however, one little thief that caught his eye.

Dinner was midway through and most everyone was just sitting and chatting with one another. Havlek was flitting from table to table, wheedling and simpering as he suckered people into filling his inn. Taako spotted a small kenku, bundled and painted to look less like the flightless corvid-born and more like a wounded aarakocra. They had managed to pilfer about a hundred gold before Taako snagged them by the back of their shirt, making sure to grab a few feathers and some flesh so they wouldn't try to slip away, and sweetly invited them to the kitchen to talk.

"Kay kid. _Name_." Taako stated pointedly at the kenku, having already pulled off their hood and revealing their face. They still had white paint on their feathers—intending to change their markings to more resemble a magpie, which could be aarakocra—but they stared back, unblinking and unapologetic.

" **Nobody** ," they croaked in an imitation of a laughing male. It was in elven. Specifically, a dialect of elven used only in the Underdark. A sort of verbal thieves' cant of sorts, since very few outside the Underdark knew it, made of a pidgin blend of abyssal and elven and a bit of draconic.

" **Who** ," he repeated, leaning in closer, " **are you? What is your name?** " He asked it in that Underdark dialect this time, pointedly ignoring the dishwasher's soft gasp. "Not the time for it, Nutty!"

Nutty, as Taako called her out, blushed and the leaves that grew all over her hair and body turned red and brown and fell to the floor. "Sorry," she murmured as she cast Gust of Wind to blow them closer to the trash can for her to sweep them up later.

The kenku tilted its head so that one of its beady eyes met Taako's steely gaze. Then it croaked, " **Nobody**!" It was the same Underdark cant and the same laughing tone.

Kravitz walked in just as the kenku replied a second time. He jogged over to Taako as fast he was able and tugged on his arms. "Let them go!"

"I wasn't gonna _hurt_ 'em," Taako replied, looking askance at Kravitz. His brows pinched in confusion. Why was he so upset over a rando kid?!

"No, I mean let them go because Havlek is coming back and you know what happened to the last cutpurse you caught that he saw!" He insistently jerked his head to the doors to the dining hall. "Even if they are guilty—"

"I caught them mid-act," Taako noted but Kravitz continued as if he weren't interrupted.

"—they at least deserve a good meal and not being branded for life!" _Oh yeah._

In the haze of things—a blur of lights and shouting and performance and fans and adoration and a name that was his but not his—he had almost forgotten that this here and now wasn't his here and now. This here and now was very fond of corporal punishment, especially of the maiming non-lethal variety. For thieves, it was either branding the back of the hand or all to see, cutting off fingers—and once you were out of fingers you were hanged—or cutting off the offending hand. Sometimes more than one at a time.

"Alright," Taako set the kenku down and stared straight in their eyes as he Mage Hand'ed the gold away from them. "I want to see you back here in three hours. _You got it?_ "

" _Got it?_ " The kenku repeated, same cadence and accenting.

"Alright. _Get_!" Taako let go and the kenku scampered away, pulling their hood back over their head to obscure their obviously not-aarakocra face. When Taako turned back to face Kravitz, he had his hands on his knees and was doubled over, huffing as he tried to regain his breath. " _Holy shit!_ You okay there?"

Nutty, pausing long enough to watch Taako wrap his arms around Kravitz and help him upright, smiled softly. She'd be placing her bets soon enough. Annaise already had thirty gold resting on a day about a month from now, Justin taking lead. She was starting to disagree slightly.

Justin was wrapped around Kravitz's finger, whether he liked to admit it or not.

Kravitz nodded slowly. His hair was in his face so Taako couldn't see his eyes but he could feel the rapid and stuttering rise and fall of his chest as he breathed—still a weird thing to feel from his deceased dude. "Need...rest... _hat_..." He gestured to the door that led out of the kitchen and to his new sleeping quarters. Taako, in a move that was simultaneously so unlike and yet so like him, cast Levitate on Kravitz and made a mad dash for his room. Running as fast as his legs could carry him, he swiftly cast Knock and rammed Kravitz's door wide open. Detect Magic rolled off him as he tried to find his hat. _There!_

Tucked in the corner, on the top of his lyre case, was Kravitz's ratty Stetson. It let off a tinge of small magic as he drew nearer and when Taako snatched it up and dashed back to the kitchen, he missed the small electric shock it gave him. Back in the kitchen he found Kravitz, no worse but no better, with Nutty looking very concerned as she conjured vines to support him. _Levitate hadn't been good enough?_

" _Thank Pan!_ He collapsed and is having even more trouble breathing! Do you know what's wrong with him? Your Levitate just disappeared a couple of moments ago!" She was worried. Even though she lived in this shithole of a town and washed dishes in a shitty tourist trap, she cared for a whore she had never met before this. It was admirable.

" _I_ —!" He _couldn't_! The words caught in his chest and his throat and like bile they built up with a rising sense of nausea as the smell of garlic invaded everything. Kravitz was there, slumped over and barely conscious, but blood...blood was everywhere. His mouth, his eyes, his nose, his ears, bile and blood and viscera spilling from his lips. He gurgled. Taako clutched tighter to the toque in his hands, wringing it as he heard his soft laughter behind him.

He knew that laughter.

It _haunted_ him.

It was mocking him. Even now.

"Once a killer, always a killer, eh Taak? Even when it isn't you, it's all your fault."

"No no no no! Go away! It wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault! You're not real!" Taako pulled at his hair, shaking the invisible hands of his assailant off of him.

"Oh _now_ ," the voice simpered, walking around Taako like a carrion crow, "is that any way to treat your partner?"

" _Fuck_ you! _Leave me alone!_ " He curled in on himself, clutching his toque tighter as he tried to just fucking disappear.

"I will. Everyone does in the end. No one cares enough to stay but _hey_ ," laughter, "that's the Taako way, after all! Pro-bono is a no-no. Rule number one: Taako. Rule number two: see rule one. Make sure everything you do is for the show. Make sure you take care of number one. Make sure Taako is safe. Make sure Taako is happy. Make sure Taako has food. Who cares if we're feeding the crowd millet seed and spoiled eggs and telling them it's a gourmet omelette? They'll never know!" If he opened his eyes, if he had checked the figure pacing around him, he might have seen it pause and bend down to gesture about as it talked. "But _you'll_ know and _I'll_ know, won't we? And you know, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. So...," the voice was close now, so close that Taako could feel it's breath whistle in his ear, " _die_. Do everyone a favor and just. Go. And. Die."

"... _no_..." He whimpered. The world was closing in on him. The darkness, far-reaching, tightened in on him and threatened to strangle him where he lay. Faces, grotesque and twisted in horror and pain, screamed for help. He couldn't breathe! He couldn't breathe! He was going to die! The world was ending and everything smelt of garlic and his chest felt like a golem was standing on it and he just wanted to pull a fucking ouroboros and devour himself. _Pop!_ Gone like that! No pain, no garlic, no taunting, no death but his own.

"Yeah, run away you coward," the voice taunted. "Like Glamour Springs. Like the job with Gundren. Like Phandalin. Like Rockport. Like Goldcliff. Run because that's all you're good for."

But...that wasn't true, _was it?_

_No!_ That _wasn't_ true! Because he was good at cooking! And _teaching_! And saving the world (even if it didn't pan out perfect every time, he had a decent track record)! And hell, he had Kravitz here! And he had Kravitz at home! And he had Magnus and Merle and Carey and Killian and NO.3113 and Avi and Brad and Angus! And he had...he had... _someone else?_

Again, in a motion that seemed familiar and yet so unclear, fuzzy, like he wasn't the one doing it, jerky, like a marionette, Taako hoisted himself up on his umbra staff and staggered to Kravktz's prone form. He handed him the crumpled toque–no, _his Stetson_! He gently placed it on his head and held him close. He sang a soft tune, one Kravitz had played for him so long ago, far in the future, on the second moon that didn't exist yet. It didn't have words. It didn't have a meaning past the tune but it was enough.

_(That's right. You're doing real good! You'll be fine. I believe in you.)_

And then? Blackness swallowed him.

* * *

 

He dreamed of a hole next to him, shaped like someone he loved. His body ached as he chased them, calling their name.

"[REDACTED]!"

"Come catch me!"

"[REDACTED]! Come back!"

"Not unless you find me first!"

"But I don't want to lose you!"

"Then find me, silly!"

"I don't know how to get home!"

"Then find me!"

"I don't know where you are!"

"But Taako," the hole was in front of him, suddenly adult-shaped and almost touching him, "you do. Just remember. I believe in you."

_I always did._


	14. And Then a Step to the Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus is respectful and totally doesn't get caught in a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *lays down and dies*
> 
> This one took forever and I just...ughhhhhhhhh! My motivation just fucking ollie-outied into the fucking sun so holy shit the fact that I got this done is amazing. Y'all, ngl, my dumb ADHD ass has been all over the place rn so the fact that I even have anything this Thursday is...well it's a hot mess.
> 
> I feel like pieces of Angus are becoming Taako and idk how to really feel about that. Idk if that's natural character progression or me just drifting into OOC-town. Either way, it's happened and I'm done. Fuck it. I'm done. This is my truth now. Damn.
> 
> Any and all comments and kudos are appreciated and help me reign in my fucking bullshit brain. See y'all next Thursday.

Angus found that, recently, the concept of sleeping in a brothel didn't bother him as much as it did when he first was thrown into this time. Most of the rooms near his were white-blossom workers and those that weren't were padded enough to keep from letting too much noise out. An added bonus was that it was like having a huge extended family, with more aunts and uncles and nuncles than he knew what to do with. He felt very loved. Very, _very_ loved.

Another thing that had changed was his relationship with this time's Taako. At first it had been slow and stuttering as he adjusted to the idea that his _teacher_ was being _taught_ by _him_ and that he was _younger_ than _Angus_! Then, when he started teaching Angus cooking, he felt like there was some semblance of balance again. And with the exchange of information that was going on—one truthful answer per lesson—he had learned more about him than he ever thought he would.

For instance, Angus learned that Taako liked to sleep. That wasn't _news_ , per se, but his admittance that he didn't remember his dreams and could sleep pretty much anywhere was. Angus had only ever seen Taako in his sleeping-cocoon for night terrors so knowing that his mentor could conk out anywhere was pretty novel.

Another thing he learned was that Taako was from a small farming hamlet just far enough away from any town to be considered podunk. He off-handedly admitted that he wasn't too sad about not being there anymore, but that the city smelled worse than chicken coops in summer. Something about the 'sweat of a million assholes judging at once'. It was all very blasé and _very_ Taako.

He also learned that Taako had memory issues. It wasn't obvious at first, but when he managed to competently cast Detect Magic with little help from Angus, he was suitably confused.

"That was actually really quick! _Good job_!" Angus praised him, having found that Taako was a carrot and _more carrot_ kind of student. Praise for simple things, rewards for more complex. "How'd you figure that out?"

"I—," Taako's face fell, suddenly unsure of himself. He puzzled for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip as he thought. With a shrug and a resigned sigh, he shook his head. " _Fuck if I know_. Someone, _somewhere_ taught me that one but I don't...I don't really know _who_? Have you ever had things like that? Where your brain just kinda—?" He blew a raspberry and splayed his fingers in a vague gesture of confusion.

Angus' brow furrowed. "No, actually. Not for some time." He parsed that sentence, trying to find the logic behind it and, almost in a moment of clarity, his brain did the same thing. Whatever it is he was trying to grasp just...slid out of reach like a buttered pig. "Nevermind, make that recently."

"Well it's kinda like that. It's like my brain is tryin to tell me that there was _someone_ who helped me learn that spell but it's like a fucking blank spot. If that person existed, then I _sure as shit_ don't remember." He shrugged and Angus nodded in agreement. "A good chunk of things are like that. All scrobbled about in my brain." With a resigned sigh, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

Angus thought about having things just out of reach in your own mind, ruminating on the idea like he was probing a hole where a tooth once was. He thought about wanting to forget things. He _immediately_ stopped thinking about wanting to forget things. "That sucks."

"You're telling me."

There was a long, pregnant pause in which Angus tried to fill the silence between his brain and his mouth but it didn't work. The whole of him buzzed and screamed with a thousand thoughts and worries and that strange slippery sensation that kept popping up and then disappearing. Finally, in a moment that Angus praised, Auntie walked in and cast looks askance at both of them.

"Lazin' 'bout?" She chuckled and shook her head. "How 'bout y'use that time t'work? Hard-shell?" Taako snapped to a lazy attention. "Go talk t'th' kiddos. Y'know what's up and y'know how t'get info. Take a basket." Taako nodded and padded off, waving goodbye at Angus. Then Auntie turned her attention to Angus, who sheepishly straightened his tie. "Cicero has a client so y'need t'take over, ' _kay_?"

He nodded. "Sure. Can do. Any specials?"

"'S th' summer festival so we've got cupcakes. 'Sides from that, nuthin'."

"Gotcha! Thanks Auntie!" He jogged out of the back room and slipped an apron on as he took his spot back behind the counter. He folded his arms and quietly scanned the room.

In the corner, talking to Cicero, was a pair of kenku, mimicking one another as they eagerly offered their Rose of Sharon to him. He batted at them playfully and nuzzled one. The other pecked his ear until he nuzzled them too. Good regulars.

At the table to the far left, adjacent to the public bathroom, was an air genesai chatting with one of the white-blossom workers. The genesai had a striped carnation tucked behind their ear and seemed wary of everything but the white-blossom with them was giving them their space. The remains of a mini-pie decorated a napkin and a mug of cocoa steamed softly.

Then the bell rang, jolting Angus out of his reverie. Through the front door of ' _Sweet Treats_ ' came a wood elf—sorcerer by the look of the draconic wings on their back—who idly scanned the room with the same wry eye that Angus possessed. He shifted at the counter as the sorcerer approached him. "Welcome to _Auntie Winchester's Sweet Treats!_ Today's special is a cinnamon coffee cake and today's brew is a breakfast roast. We also have cupcakes celebrating the summer festival! How can I help you?" His voice was saccharine but he was judging every _minute_ detail of this person. Something was off and he intended to find out.

The sorcerer smiled, baring fangs that were etched with protection runes, and ducked their head in greeting. "Hail and well met, young one. I haven't seen you around before!"

"I'm a recent hire. I've stopped here on my way to Gilt for a bit of a sabbatical. May I ask your name?" Polite, poised, perfect. Every bit of training that he had reformed to fit his chosen profession came to light. He was going to weaponize his kindness.

"Mu," the sorcerer—Mu—grinned again. "And may I inquire your name?"

"Angus. Pleased to meet you Mu." Angus offered his hand to shake and ducked his head in a quick bow.

Mu shook Angus' hand vigorously. Their grip wasn't too crushing, nor was it too weak. They didn't shake so hard that Angus' arm ragdolled, but it was a powerful movement, commanding and forceful and controlled. They had soft hands but, almost imperceptibly, there was a small callous on the inside of their thumb and a slightly indented scar on the heel of their palm. "Do you have any recommendations, Angus? It's been some time since I last was here." Their tone was flippant but their eyes were wary. There was no mirror to their cordial smile in their eyes.

"I'm partial to the Danishes but if you're allergic to dairy, there's a really good spinach quiche today. It's made with a non-dairy milk." He gestured to his favorites, making sure to keep his movements casual but professional. "And today's brew is _really_ good. It's got a kick for a dark roast."

"Well that sounds _lovely_!" Mu clapped their hands together and smiled again. Angus was reminded of a predator, calmly assuring their prey that they were safe. "I'll take just that. The Danish and the coffee. I take mine with four sugars, three creams, and a whipped cream topping!"

"Alright! That's going to be fifteen silver, twelve copper," bemused, Mu handed over the money without complaint. "And here is a flower, compliments of the establishment." Angus slipped a datura into Mu's hand with their food. "I'll have the coffee done in a moment. Please take a seat wherever there is space." He scuttled to the coffee maker and busied himself pretending to not watch Mu like a hawk.

They sat themself down at the only table in the entire main area that remained empty at all times. This in and of itself was odd but the way that they draped themself over the chair like they owned it was worse. Angus bristled. He wasn't sure why this elf was bothering him so much—the feeling he was getting from them was the same he got from _his_ Taako sometimes—but he was suppressing his more... _foolhardy_ instincts to jump into action and take charge of the situation. He, instead, placidly made Mu's coffee and topped it with a moderate amount of whipped cream. Then he walked it, saucer and all, over to the elf.

"Your drink." He placed the cup and saucer down in front of Mu and ducked his upper body in a jerky bow. "Hope you enjoy it and let me know if there's anything else you need."

" _Actually_ ," Mu reached out, gesturing lazily with a manicured hand, "I do have _one_ thing I want to discuss. The flower," they gestured with the datura blossom at Angus's nose, "why this one?"

" _P_ -pardon?"

"Datura, if I remember my plants correctly, is related to deadly nightshade. And, while most of the customers here have a flower of one sort or another, I am the only one with this type. In fact, the rest have carnations of one color or another. So why this," the flower brushed against Angus' nose, "and why me?"

"Honestly? It's my judgement call, ser. That's part of my job. You seemed less of the carnation type and more of a datura type. Maybe hydrangeas would have been better." Even with all the sly leering and the underhanded, threatening looks Mu was giving him, he had faced worse. He had helped solve the mystery of the Rockport Limited! He had helped stop a mad cultist from resurrecting an ancient God of hate and destruction in the middle of a wrestling match! He helped save the world on a weekly basis! In the end, in the grand scheme of things, Mu was just one person and that was it. No more, no less. Angus could handle one person.

He forgot, however, to take into account that he was unarmed and knew almost no offensive spells—Scorching Ray notwithstanding.

Thankfully, Mu laughed. They just threw their head back and collapsed in a fit of giggles. "Oh _wow_! You sure do have gumption, dontcha?! _Hey Winnie! Good pick_!"

Auntie poked her head out from the kitchen and her confusion melted into surprise. "Mu! 'S been some time y'shifty sneak!" She dashed across the main area and swept up the sorcerer in a large hug, placing them back on their chair with a laugh.

"Yeah, how are ya', y'big so-n-so?" Mu dusted off their pants and cheekily grinned at Auntie.

"Same as usual. Y'here for th' reg?" Auntie dusted her hands off, a puff of flour exploding outward. Angus was suitably confused.

"Nah. The new hire hooked me up with his recommendation and a glowing review. You really know how to pick them, dontcha Winnie?" Mu waved the datura at Angus, cheekily winking.

Auntie shot Angus a bemused look and nodded her head in understanding. "Forgive him, Mu. He don't know 'bout you or Ell either."

"It's really no trouble! I'm more tickled than anything!" Mu sat back in their seat and sipped their coffee. They made an appreciative hum and nodded at Angus. "Good tastes. This coffee is good. _Very_ professional."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm _very_ confused! What's going on?" Angus looked back and forth between Auntie and Mu, brows pinched as he tried to parse the situation. Auntie just sucked her teeth with a sharp " _tch_ " and smiled.

"Angus, this's Mu, head a th' Thieves' Guild here. They're a regular n'a doll. When they be _have_." Auntie shot Mu a sharp look, one that Angus knew from many dealings with Lucretia. It was a motherly look that promised punishment to any toe placed out of line.

" _I_ —" he couldn't find the words. He was super confused still.

"Don't think about it too hard kiddo. You'll burn your brain out!" Mu cheekily sipped their coffee.

"No! I mean," he fumbled for the words, "I _get_ that you're the leader of the Thieves' guild. That's easy enough to wrap my brain around. What's tripping me up is why you're _here_ and so friendly with Auntie! Don't—don't you think you'll give away your identity? Don't you think you'll out her business? It seems like a risky endeavor to me!" He gesticulated wildly, frenzied, concerned.

"Well, lemme assuage y'r fears Ango," Auntie winked and sat down in the seat opposite Mu. "Mu don't normally look like this. Us'lly they look more...," she waved her hand in a roundabout manner, " _eh_? But point bein'. They don't look like themself n' no one here would rat us out anyway."

"Besides," Mu added, "Auntie pays me to pay the militia to turn a blind eye. _Plus_ I can blackmail any corrupt fatcats who decide they don't like what's going on. It's mutually beneficial. She provides good food and a place for runners to go to hide and I keep the long arm of the law flaccid and impotent." They winked and Angus felt the slow burn of a blush tear across his cheeks. Mu chucked and pinched his cheek. "Cute scales, slithers. How diluted?"

"One fourth." It was an immediate reaction, answering a question he didn't like. The information was trivial enough but the realization that this person could draw out such things from his past was terrifying.

"Nice. Sorcerer? You have the look." Mu was appraising him. It felt... _wrong_.

He shook his head. His reactions were still conditioned. "Arcane Trickster."

"A thief after my own heart!" They placed a hand over the left side of their chest and faked a swoon.

"Not even close," Angus muttered. Apparently not low enough, because Mu's ears flicked up and they snorted angrily.

"I'm hurt."

"There's a cleric down the street." Emboldened—partially from Taako's influence and partially from just not caring what he did and how it changed the future, his present, when it came to this nonsense—he snapped back. Mu just found this amusing.

"Bit of a bite, this one."

"Hard-shell's been a bit of a bad influence on this'un." Auntie looked absolutely tickled at your reaction.

"Anyway, I'm here to collect, dear Winnie!" Mu gave Auntie a sly wink and Auntie rolled her eyes. "You got my cut?"

"Y'know I do," she mumbled. She had a soft smile on but anyone not looking for it wouldn't notice. They'd see a stern half-orc talking to a flippant elven sorcerer with a small human next to the two of them. Anyone who knew her, however, would see how relaxed she really was.

"Alright. Shall we retire to the parlor?"

"Said th' spider t'th' fly," Auntie beckoned Mu, who stood up and followed her. "Hey Angus?"

"Hm?" He snapped to attention, training his gaze on her.

"Keep an eye out for Taako. He should be back soon n', knowin' him, he'll make a beeline for th' goods. Don't let him. He'll eat a ton of 'em." Angus nodded knowingly. "Cool, thank you. Watch th' front for me 'till Cicero is available again."

"Can do." He gave her a smart salute and watched nervously as the two of them walked to the back. He still didn't trust Mu but he trusts Auntie so there's a net positive of trust.

He leaned against the counter and kept an eye on the clientele and various workers at ' _Sweet Treats'_. Nothing went badly—a great thing—and Taako soon came back with a smile on his face and an empty basket. "What's shakin' bacon?"

"Not much. Quiet on the home front." He gently waved his hand and gave him a soft smile. "You done with your errand?"

"Yep. Done and _done_!" He reached for a pastry but Angus, noticing his 'sneaky' movement, smacked his hand away. He blew a raspberry at Angus but continued to casually talk. "What kinda magic shit d'you have planned for today?"

Angus shrugged. "Figured you might make good use of Knock but I have to wait until Cicero is done or someone else relieves me of my position."

"Knock?"

"Magical lockpicking!" Angus wiggled his fingers in a very Taako fashion. His eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. Angus chuckled.

"Baller." He leaned against the counter and was oddly quiet for a good, long time. When he spoke up, he was uncharacteristically calm. "Hey Angus?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you really here?" He turned a piercing gaze at Angus, looking deep within him.

"What do you mean?" Sweat speckled his forehead but he tried to play it off.

"You haven't mentioned your teacher looking for you once. You don't talk about your home. You don't seem to want to go home much, or, if you do, it doesn't show. So, I'll ask again: why are you _really_ here?" He was candid and it was unnerving.

Angus took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. Taako did always play the idiot wizard well. "Okay. You caught me. But you have to know that I can't tell you here. Not right now. Later. Hold me to it."

"You won't weasel out of this one." Taako promised.

"I promise I'll tell you. Just _not right now_."

"Fair 'nuff."

"Now, unless you're gonna help me, I need you in the kitchen." Taako placed his hand against his chest in mock horror.

"How dare?! _J'accuse!_ "

"Shoo, little mongoose," Angus smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. Later I'm gonna get an answer out of you!" He made the 'I'm watching you' gesture as he walked into the kitchen.

_Well, it had to happen eventually. I just wish it had been later rather than sooner._


	15. With Your Hands On Your Hips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Taako keeps his fuckin shit in check and the author totally doesn't show off their accumulated knowledge about odd life-threatening medical conditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wh-what do you mean that this is almost two weeks late?! I-I didn't...I wasn't...!
> 
> TL;DR, IRL stuff kinda bit me in the ass and then I decided to be a smart motherfucker and run my own homebrew with so much original stuff that I spent almost a week crafting races alone to make sure they weren't OP.
> 
> So this wound up two weeks late and not even on Thursday. Whoops...
> 
> Well, regardless, I'm gonna try to continue the Thursday update schedule but...like...IDK. Stuff gets in the way...I should AT THE LEAST update once a month. AT LEAST. Don't hold me to it though.
> 
> I really wanna thank y'all for being so patient with me. I appreciate it. Last few weeks were...rough to say the least. And despite all that, TAZ delivered, MBMBaM delivered, and y'all kept me going so...thank you...sincerely...
> 
> Um...you may see some foreshadowing shit here. It's intentional. Also: I needed to let ya'all have info on Krav and his thing. And CSL is based on ASL, which I am learning, so jsyk, if you can't understand it, lemme know.
> 
> Again, thank you. Thank you so much.

Taako took a long, deep breath and let it out. Whatever had transpired, both with Kravitz and with himself, was a fuzzy blur of mysteries and bullshit and right now all he wanted to do was fucking sleep his troubles away. But he's an 'adult' and 'adults' don't do that kinda fucked-up depression bullshit. Plus he had to make sure the vertebae was okay and that Annaise and Nutty and Brent had dinner on-lock and that he wasn't fucking going nuts and also _maybe_ find Nobody? He had asked the kid to visit him, yeah? His memory was unfocused and blurry. He couldn't remember if he had told them a time to come back.

He stared down at his hands, shaking, stuttering, trembling, less steady then they had been since...fucking _that_. Neatly hanging on his wrist was the umbra staff, comforting and weighted enough to center him. When had he put it on his wrist? When had he stopped noticing that he just had it on him? When had it just become an extension of himself?

Pausing his musing, he stiffly walked to the door of his room. When had he gotten here? Who had taken him? What happened to Kravitz? Where was _he_? He shoved all those worries in the back of his mind and threw a blanket over them, hoping that they'd think it was night and go to sleep, effectively shutting the fuck up and leaving him alone.

The door creaked loudly as he pushed it open. _Fuck! Hav needs to fucking oil them hinges cause people in fucking Neverwinter heard that!_ Lightly rolling his feet, heel to ball, he silently walked down the hall with the grace of a person who doesn't want to be heard. _Lots'a_ practice there. Slipping down the hall, he noticed that Annaise was manning the front. He ducked his head, not trusting his voice to remain steady.

"S'in th' back." She nodded at the far door that was behind the kitchen door. "S'unconscious too. Kept moanin' a name...Alli, I think? Dunno..."

Instinctively, Taako flattened his right hand, fingers extended and pressed together, and touched it to his lips, bringing it down in a sweeping motion. He weakly smiled at Annaise. She smiled back, more sincerely.

"Y'r welcome. Be _safe_ Justin."

He trudged to where Kravitz was resting. Apprehension gnawed at his gut. His thoughts kept slipping to that strange gap and slithery slippery greased pig brainfeel. _Why? Why was that a thing?_ He leaned against the door and took a shuddery breath.

He pressed the door open.

Kravitz was... _better_ than he expected. He was pale, sure. Paler than his _own_ Kravitz, in his own _time_ , but he was breathing. His skin had a waxy pallor, slick with sweat, and his hair was matted against his head, but his ratty Stetson was sitting on his chest, which rose and fell rhythmically.

Next to Kravitz was Brent, bent low over him and placing gauze soaked in healing salve on his skin, across his collarbone. When Taako entered, Brent looked up and met his eyes. There was a moment of silent communication, then he flicked his eyes to Kravitz. Taako clenched his fists to his chest. He nodded.

Once the dressing was in place, Brent straightened and beckoned Taako to follow. They walked down the hall a bit and then the human looked up at Taako and sighed. "Did you know?"

"No." Taako's voice was soft and broken, pitching and cracking slightly. "I-I didn't."

" _Do_ you know?" Brent stressed. He seemed put-off.

" _No_." Fear. Pain. It coursed through him. He wanted to plug his ears and drown out the truth. He wanted to Blink and never return. He wanted to make everything go away.

Taako's good out here.

But Kravitz is _not_ good in _there_.

And no matter how much Taako tried to tell himself that he was a heartless hardass, he actually fucking loved that dork, living or dead.

(Preferably living, right now, but later, in his proper time, un-dead? _Time travel._ )

"Whatever it is, it's _strong_. It's...well it's one of the nastiest curses I've ever seen." His voice was low and metered. This was a practiced voice. This was the voice he had to use on deathbeds.

"What kind?"

"Crippling mostly. It's active but it flares up when his heart rate jumps. If he's _really_ been selling himself," no judgement there, just facts and inquisition, "then he's been making it worse. From the looks of things, if he continues with this sort of activity, he won't last a month, let alone a _year_."

"You-you said _crippling_?" _Don't cry. Don't let them see you cry. No one can know you have feelings. No one can know._

"Well it's destroyed his joints, hence his problems walking. The progression is hard to track since this is the only time I've seen something like this, but I'd say that his respiratory system is shot too. He looks like he may be in a moderate amount of pain at all times as well, and magic just isn't gonna cut it. I could _barely_ bring him to stability before. There isn't a cure for this and, if there were, I certainly don't know it." He met Taako's gaze and refused to break away. This was wearing on him as well. Not _as much_ , mind you, but all the same.

"What...what's with the hat?" _Calm down. Breathe. In out. In out. Stabilize your movements. Don't shake. You're fine. He's gonna be fine._

_You said you were okay with this._

_You're not fucking okay with this._

_Fuck. You can't lose more people you care about! (What?! When did that ever happen?!!!)_

"It's a magic suppressor of one sort or another. So long as it's near him, the curse is dormant. It holds off the nastier effects, like the seizures and the internal bleeding." _Wait, what the fuck?!!_ "It also keeps it from passively progressing as well. It doesn't stop it from encroaching when his heart rate jumps, but it keeps him well enough when he's calm."

"Uh...," he tried to organize his thoughts quickly, his brain working in bullet-time, "so he's-he's killing himself when he has sex?!"

"That would be something that raises heart rate, so _yes_."

"And...how long did you say he had?!" _Don't cry. Don't scream. Don't break down. Don't. It won't end well. It'll be another...fiasco._

Garlic and blood and bile and a sneer. Cologne that floods his mouth and nose with bitter sandalwood and myrrh. Begging, pleading, crying.

"I can't tell. My specialty is back-alley cleric work, not curse removal. But I _can_ say this," he met Taako's eyes with a serious, stony frown, "he doesn't have long and he doesn't know. _When_ he goes—" not if, _when_ , "—it will be messy and painful and it would be far more kind to _end him_. It'll be hard for you to do, but you have to because what will kill him is the pain that will shut him down, piece by piece."

His mouth was dry. God. Fucking God. He-he couldn't!!! He wouldn't!!!!!! "Do you know of someone who can remove curses?"

"No one who lives close enough to save him. And no one who would bother with...someone like _him_." Brent didn't sugarcoat anything and, while that would be normally refreshing, it was just shoving the spike of fear and abject horror deeper in.

Taako swallowed heavily. "Thanks...when can he be back on his feet?"

"Give him twenty-four hours. He bled a good bit, all internal, so he's gonna be anemic until he's got a good enough replacement. That doesn't take into account that he has an iron deficiency, so he already had issues with anemia. After that, light work until forty-eight hours after standing. _Lots_ of liquids and bland food. He'll probably throw up a good bit. Only worry if the vomit looks like coffee grounds _after_ twelve hours has passed because that means he's not getting rid of the old blood, but that he's _still_ bleeding. Get me if that happens." Brent patted Taako on the shoulder and offered him a piteous smile. "You're doing right by him. I'm not a pious man, despite the cleric...thing, but hell if I don't know that someone sent you to him to help. He would've been worse if you hadn't bought his time. Even more so with his clientele." Another reassuring pat and then Brent wandered off to the kitchen, yelling over his shoulder, "Annaise, Nutty, and I have things covered today! You keep him company. And sleep! And if Havlek gives you trouble, just tell him to remember that he owes me!"

"Thank you," Taako replied. He stood there a bit longer as he fought his fight-or-flight instinct. He wanted to run away. He wanted to run to Kravitz. He wanted to run both directions so bad that he was mentally tearing himself apart. It sucked. He hated it. It was fucking dumb.

Finally he champed the bit and moved back to Kravitz. He sat down next to him and gently, tentatively, took his hand.

God, he had clammy hands.

Fuck. That wasn't normal for this Krav.

Kravitz shifted slightly and let out a soft whine. His face clenched in some sort of emotion and his mouth drew tight. He clutched Taako's hand tight enough to cause pain. Then he whimpered, " _Alli_..."

"Yeah bone dogg?" Taako leaned close, voice low and patient. Whatever it is that he was going through, whatever it is that he was remembering, he was going to help him out.

"Alli, I'm sorry... _please_...," his hand intermittently tensed and released. "Please don't..."

"I'm here, don't worry. I'm not gonna..."

"I'm sorry...you know I would _never_...please...don't... _leave me_..."

"Shh, I gotcha...it's gonna be okay." His fitful wriggling slowed and then stopped. Taako used his other hand to brush strands of sweat-soaked hair out of Kravitz's face. He whimpered again and tried to draw away. Taako felt his heart break. With one hand, he cast Calm Emotions and watched his face smooth out. "Whatever you went through sucked _ass_ and I'm gonna find a way to help. Don't you even fucking trip. You and me are gonna live forever. One hundred years Taako and Kravitz. As long as I live and then even past that cause, yknow, you're _death_. Or you _will be_ death? _Fuck_. Time travel is _bullshit_." Taako rolled his eyes and gently kissed Kravitz's sweaty forehead. "Sleep tight vertebae. Dream of...I dunno, fucking _concerts_ or someshit."

Then, almost as if Morpheus himself was dragging him by the non-existent lapels, he dropped out into a silent sleep, leaning against Kravitz and snoring like a chainsaw.

It was...okay for once. _He_ was...okay.

* * *

 

Kravitz paced back and forth, his hand pulling through his hair and catching on small curls and little knots. "I just don't understand! _Where is he?!_ If _you_ don't know and _Lady Istus_ doesn't know, then _where_ could he be?!"

Ravens cackled and echoed about, swarming Kravitz with the sound of a million voices whispering at once. They spoke in languages long dead and languages since dying. They spoke in languages that no mortal tongue could ever produce. They spoke to Kravitz.

"Have _faith_?! How can I have faith if he is just _missing_?!! He's the most important thing that I have had in quite some time! Moreso than any remnant of my life, and you _know_ how I cling to that!" He paced about in his office, throwing his hands wildly about as he blasphemed at his Queen.

The ravens croaked, a ' _gak-gak-gak_ ' that seemed mocking. He waved away a hooded raven that perched on his shoulder. It flitted back and bit him on the ear. He swore loudly and swatted it. The voice of a thousand lives surrounded him, deafening him with its cries.

"You may believe in the Lady, but I do _not_. Fate is fickle. I know that! But to blindly—" the ravens interrupted him and he gaped for a while. Then he spoke, "how would you know?" An echoing roar. "Like _that_?" Screaming, wailing, lamentation, the murder mourns. "If you say so. I have faith in you, and you _alone_." The ravens replied. "And _him_ , yes. Thank you my Queen." He bowed at her, in her indescribably glory. "I'll go retire to my quarters. I appreciate your assistance." And he left the room, despite it being his office, and meandered to the Stockade. There, he spotted Magic Brian, Jenkins, and Maarvey. Brian perked up and flashed a voracious grin.

" _Ach_ , Herr Sensenman! Did your queen have anything to say about your lover?" He sounded genuinely interested in what Kravitz had to say. It was...refreshing to say the least. Not many souls worried themselves with the affairs of the Reaper.

"She _did_." Kravitz nodded at Brian. Jenkins softly swore and Maarvey barked in laughter, jolting his torso slightly off-kilter.

" _Pay up_ wankins!!"

"You shut the _hell_ up," Jenkins prettily shoved a small fistful of hard candy into Maarvey's hand, shoving his torso completely off his waist. "Fucking ingrate..."

"Fucking hell! Help me back up you _shit_!" Maarvey's arms flailed about as he tried to haul himself up on his own waist again. Jenkins pretended not to hear him.

" _Congratulations_! I'm so pleased for you! Do you know where he is?" Brian clapped happily, his long sleeves whipping about like banners.

"No. But she told me one thing that kept me from really worrying. She told me, ' _you are found. You are loved. You must be patient. It will complete itself_.'" He shrugged, "I don't know exactly what that means, but if she deigned to tell me in my own natural tongue, it must be important.

"Well I wish you the best of luck! Despite any falling-out I may have had with Taako, I do believe he is a good match for you. His wild nature pushes your calm boundaries and it forces you to grow and learn."

"Thank you Brian."

" _Gern geschehen._ " Kravitz walked off and, behind him, in a soft echoing whisper, a voice said:

_He's gonna be fine. Don't you worry. Just have faith._

_I do._


	16. You Pull Your Knees In Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which pretty much nothing aside from crying happens. I'm sorry. I just had trouble with this one...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! News! So the weekly update schedule was stressing me the fuck out so I'm backing off to bi-weekly, updating on TAZ Thursdays! Hopefully that'll make life easier...hopefully...
> 
> Also: May the Fourth be with you! And may the McElboys bless us with a good TAZ episode that doesn't kill us please and thank you.
> 
> Also also: TW for panic attacks, lots of emotional baggage, misgendering, and referenced child abuse (both sexual and emotional). I'm gonna summarize the part that will probably get people the most in the bottom notes so if you don't wanna deal with the child abuse, skip to the bottom after the line break.
> 
> Also also also: spoilers for Reunion Tour and the Stolen Century (as it is so far).
> 
> Thanks for your patience.

Angus took a long-suffering sigh and faced Taako down. They were sitting in Angus' room and the tension was palpable. He hated feeling like this. He hated it! It made him feel like shit. It made him feel like he was in trouble.

It made him feel like a kid again, small and insignificant.

"So...," he began.

" _So?_ " Taako tilted his head, ears flipping up flat against his head as he fixed his eyes on Angus.

"I'm...well...how do I say this?" Picking at his collarbone, Angus stared at his toes while he wrestled with his words. They _had_ to be perfect. They _had_ to be precise. They had to mean _exactly_ what he wanted them to, right down to the inflection.

"Just say ' _hey Taako, I lied to you and Auntie. Here's what's actually up and I'm sorry for being a fuck!_ ' Easy- _peasy_!" Taako flapped his hand in an imitation of mockery.

" _No_! I mean, no...," Angus sniffled, "i-it's not that easy, I think. I...well I-I think I won't be that easy but-but I think I can I guess? I just...have to pick my words."

"What, trying to spin shit so you aren't an ass? Too late _pendejo del dia_! You look _worse_ than that." Taako didn't sound mad, but he _looked_ it. If he didn't have a visual lock on him, Angus probably would have mistaken his anger for his usual teasing.

"No like—! Remember that brainfeel? The one like warm butter between your fingers?" Taako's gaze never left Angus' but he nodded, almost imperceptibly. "It's like that but with words? Like some words I'll-I'll say them and I'll hear them but your brain doesn't and I...I just wanna do right. If I say something wrong, I could put people in danger and-and- _and—!_ " He took a slow, shuddery breath and exhaled a four-count. "I can't put them in danger. I _need_ to do right."

Taako's brows lay flat against the top of his eyes but, almost if satisfied, he let out a sharp sigh, blowing his top around as the air left his nose. "So tell me what you _can_. Say what you _can_. Just don't lie. I'm already fed up with liars as it is."

Angus nodded, his chin slapping against the scratches on his collarbone. "Okay...so...I'm not here with my teacher. You may have-have figured that out already but, that's the easiest bit." He closed his eyes, unwilling to watch as Taako's trust in him fell to shit. _This_ Taako's trust in him. "My teacher and I...got _separated_. I-I fucked up a spell real bad and the two of us were thrown away from one another. I don't-I don't know where he is. I don't know what's happened to him or if he's okay but I do know that I'm _here_ and I _needed_ a place to stay and _somewhere_ to figure out how to undo this mess _I_ made." He clawed at his collarbone again, raising darker streaks with some red flecks. He _hated_ this. He kept expecting the blows to come and the longer they took, the worse it was. "So you showed up and-and you took me here and I can't tell you why I'm here cause I think I'll mess something up beyond repair and I don't think I can _handle_ that I just wanna go home and-and- _and—!_ " His breath caught in his chest every time he inhaled and he couldn't exhale and _oh shit oh fuck_ he was back _there_ , in _that_ room, in the _dark_. Loud yelling and caressing hands and soft words and hard hits. He curled in on himself and tried to breathe but he couldn't exhale. Something was bottling the air inside him and he just—he just— _he just—!_

Soft hands touched his hair gently, combing through messy curls, and he flinched. The hands drew away (they _never_ did that!) and a voice began singing again. It was a melody he recognized but couldn't place. The words were elven but he couldn't translate. His brain was overheating and the room was closing in on him and he was there _he was there!_ Again! He had _escaped_ that! He had _left_! They had _forgotten_!

But the voice was calm and soothing, the song was in time with his breathing, and the world began to open up again. The world became lighter.

When he could finally see clearly, he took sharp, jagged breaths in and shuddering breaths out. Taako was there, right in arm's reach, but his hands were rapidly signing, restrained, pulled back. The tune he had been singing was sad, he was crying, and his hands were shaking. He looked like he was in physical pain as he signed again and again. Three letters. Three simple letters.

_L-U-P_

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I didn't-I didn't mean to...I didn't mean to do that...to-to cause you pain...I didn't want... _I'm—!_ " Taako hiccuped, "I— _please_...stay with me...don't wanna be alone..." Angus reached out, hands shuddering as he tried to comfort Taako, who had been trying to comfort him before. Taako leaned into his touch and Angus leaned into him and the two young boys shared a moment of touch and understanding. Between the two, they laid there and just were.

"I'm sorry..."

" _Yeah_..."

It was the closest that Taako would ever get to saying an apology. Angus would take it.

"I _really_ don't like lying to you."

"Mmm..."

A pause, silence, comforting, like a blanket smothering the fire of discomfort and worry. They just sat there, being, as best they could. They drank in each other's warmth. They just _stayed_.

_Don't go._

_Lup._

_Please don't leave me._

Cycling his head, piercing through the haze of anxiety and fear and parasympathetic response, were the pieces to a bigger mystery. Taako. An enigma wrapped in a mystery with quandary sauce. Everything Angus loved about his cases and everything he hated. Because the case was a raw wound and he was pulling back the skin and flesh and blood pooled out while he tried to find the source of the infection. And this one was _personal_.

"You have...people you can't remember?"

" _Person_ ," Taako answered. "Just a big blank _nothing_ right next to me. A fucking _void_."

"I don't want to add to that."

A long silence followed.

"How are you able to?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'd add to it."

Another long silence. Angus leaned into Taako, who wrapped his arms around him and enveloped him in all that the bony elf could afford.

"I don't understand this."

"I don't either."

"More than _I_ do," Taako countered. Angus shrugged.

" _True_."

The hustle and bustle of ' _Sweet Treats_ ' echoed down the hallway. Angus was tempted to cast Silence, but he drew back. He wasn't sure he had the spell slots to burn today.

"Your Mage Hand is improving," he tried to change the topic.

"I miss them." Angus flinched and drew away a bit. Taako turned and met his eyes. "I don't know who they were but I _miss_ them."

"I'm sure they miss you too. I know _I_ would," Angus assured him.

"You and what army?"

"Me. Auntie. Cicero. Mîr. Spade. Mu. Ell. There are so many people who would miss you, even if they couldn't remember you."

"But what if I'm _forgotten_?" Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and his ears were flat against his head.

"Then they're missing out."

"But what if all I did _disappears_?!"

"Then the world will suffer for the loss."

"But what if I'm _alone_ in the end?" There, the crux of the matter: being alone. Being forgotten was being alone. Being alone was being forgotten. But in the end, being alone was worse because being alone meant something had to be wrong with you to keep someone from being around you.

Angus reached out gently and brushed his fingers through Taako's hair. It was so similar and so _different_ from his Taako's. Short enough to be messy and ruffled, but long enough to pull into a low ponytail, this Taako's hair was like touching silk. Even with its scraggly look, it just was so nice.

He missed _his_ Taako. He missed his _time_.

He drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

She was back there again, in that name, in that place, in those clothes. Her hair was ripped through with a fine-toothed comb not made for her hair texture and tears pricked her eyes because she couldn't cry. Big girls didn't cry.

(And if she did cry, she knew she'd be in trouble.)

Yanked back unceremoniously, her hair was tied off with a silk ribbon and her dress was cinched up. The person attending to her stood up and sharply clapped her hands twice. Instinctively, she stood up, position three, and faced her mother. She kept her face neutral. She couldn't let her see what she _really_ felt.

" _There_ now," cooed her mother, "isn't that _better_? You look more fitting of the name McDonald, now that all those foul _boy's_ clothing is gone. I've instructed Beatrice to burn those, by the by, so _don't_ think about trying to sneak out again." Her smile was cheap, plasticine and porcelain and a mask made to be worn, but her eyes flamed with a myriad of emotions. "Aren't you a beautiful girl? My _beautiful_ girl. You know mommy loves you, right?"

"Yes ma'am." Her voice quavers and shudders. She doesn't want to speak but she does regardless. Like a trained dog, she barks when commanded.

"You know mommy only wants what's _best_ for you, right?" Her mother bends down to lightly caress her cheek. Her skin crawls. She wants to burn the flesh that was touched clean off.

"Yes ma'am."

Her hand wanders down, beneath her waist and underneath layers of camisoles and petticoats and finery, to stroke her gently. "My precious, _beautiful_ girl." Her voice is heavy and she can smell the stench of fermentation on her mother's breath and she wants to scream and kick and run away but she locks up, like a marionette with her strings held taut by a sadistic puppeteer.

And her mother blurs and blends and instead it's her father, an imposing man who looms far above her and casts a shadow that she cannot escape. His hand is raised and she feels the sharp burning of pain and shame creeping across her cheek. "Fucking _ingrate_ ," he spits. It hurts more because it's him, it's her _father_ , and he _hates_ her so much!

" _Baba_!" She bites back sobs and blinks back tears as she holds his gaze. She silently pleads with him. He doesn't hear her. He _never_ does.

"We spend so much time and resources to make sure you have _more_ than what you deserve yet you still don't understand your place! You are a _McDonald_ woman! Your _place_ is with the firm. And when you reach the age of marriage, you _will_ marry a man of high standing that we picked out for you and you _will_ take care of his house as _my_ wife takes care of _mine_. That is your lot in life." His voice is ice and stone and pain and pain and _pain!_ "No more. No less. Books are frivolities. Mysteries are useless. Your place in this world is where you are now, doing what you were born to do, and producing heirs for the McDonald bloodline. _Understand this._ "

She nods, mouth a thin line with an almost imperceptible quaver. "Yes sir."

"Now go to the quiet room and think about your misdeeds." He points, a sharp line that draws from his shoulder to the pointed tip of his claw. Her heart leaps into her chest and she swallows her fear heavily. It threatens to rise up again but she chokes it back. She enters the quiet room and the door swings closed behind her, cutting off the light and sound and air and everything.

She's cut off from any and everything she needs and she can't breathe. She's alone. _She's alone._

He's alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger-free summary of the shit after the linebreak: Angus dreams about his life before the moonbase. His mother was sexually abusing him, grooming him to be pretty and doll-like for her own amusement. He is misgendered many times, directly implying him as a trans male. He is being punished for dressing up in 'boy's clothes'. His father expects him to 'fulfill [her] duty as a McDonald [woman]' and marry whomever they choose and then raise a family like a good wife should'. When Angus speaks out, he's sent to the 'quiet room', a small, dark room that feeds his fears and isolates him.
> 
> Lemme know if I missed anything, as I haven't gotten any sleep lmao.


	17. But it's the Pelvic Thrust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there is, again, way too much crying. Mainly from Kravitz, 'cause Taako is too fucking rad to cry this much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day late but relatively on-time. Pretty...pleased with this? Idk. I like it and I think I'm good with just liking it.
> 
> Also: @Griffin McElroy, please understand that I love this new playmate. Thank you. I have like a billion headcanons for how that shit looks but like...you've given us the best garbage boy. Thank you.
> 
> (He's the damn embodiment of 'I'm going to drink three bottles of NyQuil and fight God behind the Denny's' and I fucking hate that I love him.)
> 
> @everyone who has a Wheatley-HC for this new dude: strangely appropriate. I'm fighting it internally cause bias of my own kind but fuck yeah. If there ever was a dude that deserved to be the token white businessman, it's this shit.
> 
> Big S/O to my friends, who listened to me as I screamed about my new little bit of sandbox. Thank you.

Taako woke to Kravitz hurling into a trashcan. He darted over to him and gently rubbed his back in small, soothing circles. Kravitz shied from his touch so he pulled back and let him ride the wave of nausea. When Kravitz finally stopped, Taako wiped off his mouth and gave him small amounts of water to rinse out his mouth and to rehydrate. The rest of the next few days were spent making him food that was easy on the stomach and mother henning about. Eventually, the frustration that had been brewing in that small room came to a head.

Whether it was the constant waves of guilt that Taako was exuding or the way that Kravitz was slowly growing stir-crazy, the dam burst.

" _Stop it!_ " Kravitz slammed his fists on the bed, face screwed up in anger. Taako drew back, fear written all over him. "Stop treating me like this!"

"Wh—?"

"I'm not some fragile little porcelain doll that's going to _shatter_ if you mishandle me! I've been living with this _just_ fine so I _don't_ need your help and I don't need _you_!" His fists clenched around handfuls of blanket, eyes screwing shut as he yelled. Tears streaked down his face and his whole upper torso shuddered and vibrated in jerky waves. "So just _go_! Stop this bullshit and _go_! I'm _not_ infirm, I'm _not_ a child, and I'm not _yours_!"

It hurt. Deep inside of Taako, beyond layers of 'I don't give even one quarter of a damn', something broke. A wave of pain and sorrow pushed at the dam he had built so long ago, beating against cracks that had been there for as long as he could remember. He bit his lip, sharp teeth drawing blood, and tried to pull back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "Kravitz—!"

"No, _fuck you_! I hate you! I _hate_ you Alli!" He stopped, eyes wide in shock and fear. His ears pressed flat against his head, pupils blown, as his body was wracked with tremors. " _No_ , I mean..."

Silence fell like the blood dribbling down his chin. Kravitz curled in on himself, knees tucked against his chest and he choked back sobs. Taako just sat, worrying at the pain in his chest like a tongue probing a hole in his mouth where a tooth had been, and sifting through his thoughts. Then he spoke.

"His name was Sazed," he started. Kravitz looked at him, ears perked up, the last of the tremors shaking their way through his body. "His name was Sazed and he looked at me like I hung the moon. Where...I was alone for so long. I didn't have... _anyone_ with me. I was hopping from caravan to caravan, learning all I could and surviving the best way I knew how. And I had this...this _dream_ , right? I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to be... _needed_." It was like picking a scab; once the pain was ripped free, the words poured out in a torrent but it was too late to stop. "Sazed praised me up and down, telling me that I was worth more than what the caravans offered. He told me I had skill in me, that I had stardust in my skin and starlight at my fingertips, and that if I honed it I could shine brighter than any other light in creation. So I took him and I left and started my own show."

Kravitz was enrapt. His hands shook slightly but he watched Taako let go of his burdens. He didn't speak a single word.

"We... _I_ used magic to make the show flashy and bright. Something tourists loved. Something people ate up like a four course dinner. I would change sugar to salt to baking powder and so on. Bright sparks and flashy lights. Lots of fancy clothes." He let out a soft huff of sad laughter. "And Sazed was my partner, in more ways than one. But he didn't see me as equal and I wasn't aware of how bad it was until shit went _down_." He leaned forward, meeting Kravitz's eyes intently, "He wasn't _always_ bad. He was sweet and would pepper me with compliments and kisses, both soft and rough, until he got what he wanted. If I said no, refused him, things got hard. My food wasn't _good_ enough. I wasn't _pretty_ enough. I wasn't good enough at making _him_ feel good. I was _worthless_. I was _selfish_. And I crawled back, on bleeding hands and bruised knees, to get more praise. I was like a puppy, starved for attention.

"The one thing I didn't let him have was my show. It wasn't out of selfish desire, _entirely_ , but because it wasn't his strength. He was the lifter, the shopper, the burden bearer, and the animal handler. He took care of the physical labor and I did all the social labor. The smiles and waves. The cooking. The money making. And he wanted a piece of that too.

"He couldn't cook. He wasn't good with people. He stumbled over words and was brash and crude and, while I am certainly not the most goddamn eloquent person on the fucking planet, he was worse. 'Cause I can make an insult into praise but he made an insult into a dagger and twisted it until blood spewed out. He knew where best to stab. He yelled at anyone who thought his food was bad, swore if I fucked up, threw things; it didn't matter what went wrong, he got mad. And it _mostly_ wasn't violent. It was _mostly_ quiet and subtle, something I didn't expect from hulking ol' Sazed. Like a tower, he could pull the cornerstone right out and the whole thing would come toppling down on top of him. And he _knew_ it. And he pretended he didn't do anything.

"I won't say I'm blameless. I'm a _shit_ person. I'm rude and loud and forceful but like, I didn't deserve that. No one does. _Ever_. And one day I said no too many times and he decided that I needed to go. In a more... _permanent_ fashion. Arsenic in a dish I made for forty-some-odd people. A whole town suffered. I didn't taste the meal that day because... _something_ told me not to. I lived. I ran. He left and I thought it was my fault." He scrubbed tears from his eyes and hissed in frustration. " _Fuck_ man, I thought I'd never cook again after that. I thought...I thought I had poisoned forty people and _killed_ them and then ran like a _coward_ but I learned that it was _him_ and I _just_..."

Kravitz leaned forward a bit, a shaky hand brushing against his cheek. Taako leaned into the movement and gave a shuddering sigh.

"I felt like I deserved that. I felt like I deserved _everything_ , even though I _knew_ it wasn't my fault. I... _still_ do. Cooking scares me. I don't want to kill people. I don't want to be responsible for more deaths. I just...want to be _happy_? So like, the fucking reason I'm telling you this, is to let you know that I'm _not_ treating you like you're fragile. I _don't_ pity you. I _don't_ think you're weak. I _don't_ think you're broken. I'm just...afraid of losing you, especially if I'm the cause of things. _Especially_ if I make it happen." His ears pressed against his head. "You're more important to me than I could ever express. Kravitz...I _need_ you and I'm afraid of becoming Sazed. I'm afraid of tethering you to me and manipulating you and I don't wanna..I just... _fuck_! You...I need to make sure you're okay, even if it costs all of me. You're all that's anchoring me to cooking, to my passion, and I'm scared that all I'm doing is piling stress and pain and duty on you, so I'm taking care of you because if you're gone, I don't think I would be able to handle it."

They sat there in silence, the two of them just being present, for some large amount of time. Not a word. Not a single thought was voiced. Everything was still. Even their bodies.

It was Kravitz who spoke first. "Their name was Alli. They were the first person who told me my music was good." Taako's ears perked up and his eyes drifted so that he was looking at Kravitz. "I was just a kid out of Neverwinter when Alli found me busking on the corner of a street, near the theater they worked at. They told me I had good tone. That I had a good ear. That I was good to look at. I should have known better.

"Alli was a dancer and they wanted me to play for their performances. Alli was a beautiful person and a great performer and my music paled in comparison but they kept insisting that I made them better. In the end it didn't last because I 'got too big for my trousers' and I was punished. That's where it started.

"I was...I was _young_. Not by human standards, of course, but by elven standards I was just a kid. That didn't matter to Alli. They were Aasimir. Everyone let aasimir do whatever they liked. The opposite to tieflings. Perfect. Wonderful. Only _not_. Alli hit me. They bound me and gagged me and told me that this is how useless bards like me _deserved_ to be loved.

"I got away though. Not before they cursed me. They promised me that I would never love again. _Be_ loved again. That I was broken and worthless. That nothing I would do would _ever_ amount to anything. That I was running from the one good thing in my life.

"They made me afraid of everything that would have ever made my life worthwhile. And so I came here and I started busking but I wasn't...I _wasn't_...I..." He choked back a sob, hands holding on to Taako's clothes like they were his lifeline. "I wasn't good enough. Alli was right. So I gave myself up. I sold myself. Because my-my skill wasn't enough but my body had to be. I knew how to-to take pain and turn it into pleasure and-and-and all I could do was do it and do them and none of them cared. Then you came _and_ —!" He took a deep, shuddering breath and leaned against Taako's shoulder, "you _saw_ me. You _heard_ me. I was _somebody_ to you and I needed that but you bought me only not. I could leave whenever I liked. I could do whatever I liked. It was freedom like I'd never seen before. But I'm sick and I'm scared and I _hate_ this. I hate _all_ of this because I just want to be _free_ of Alli and their bullshit everything but—well I don't have too long..."

Again, the silence, like a long-lost friend, returned. The two of them weighed their story and found it wanting in comparison to the other's suffering. They waited. They were present. They allowed their hearts beat as one.

They fell asleep leaning against one another.

Annaise and Brent sullenly handed over a small pouch of coins. Nutty snatched them up and gave a deep, sweeping bow.

Taako, on the edge of sleep, smiled softly.

_Good job, Koko. I actually think he's a keeper this time. Sorry about what I'm gonna do...have done?! I'm not sure, but fuck knows I'm sorry. So, um, just fucking love him the best you can._


	18. That Really Drives You Insane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there is more telling of secrets and more crying. Also trauma is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Hot diggity shit! An update on time?!!!! Amazing!!!! Just a heads up: this chapter has some discussion of sexual and physical abuse as well as some deadnaming. If you wanna skip it then keep a look out for the 〜 okay? That signifies the start and end of the hard parts. Also: the song featured here is 위잉위잉 by 혁오. It's a good song. Very sad.
> 
> Just a reminder, not a guilt thing but I do better when people comment and so on because it draws my focus to the fic receiving attention. Brain issues and so on.
> 
> And I haven't listened to the new ep yet as it hasn't dropped but please be nice to us Griffin. Thank you.

The days that passed were relatively uneventful after their initial heart-to-heart. Taako still kept a small distance between him and Angus but he stopped pressing. They still continued their trade-off lessons and games of twenty questions but the questions were less personal and more broad.

Taako learned that Angus was fluent in seven languages, including Underdark's pidgin tongue. Angus learned that Taako was left-handed. Taako learned Angus wasn't blind without his glasses, but had trouble focusing and would get headaches. Angus learned that Taako had an aversion to fire magic and would cry whenever someone around him cast any. Little information. _Harmless_ information.

As time passed, Taako grew better at magic. Soon he could cast second level spells without an issue and Angus ran out of things to teach him. "You know all I do. Consider yourself a graduate of the Angus School of Magic!"

Taako beamed, "Nerd."

"Ass," Angus retorted.

As they took a short rest behind ' _Sweet Treats_ ', the remains of Chromatic Spray splattering the wall like so much graffiti, Taako's ears fell and he sighed.

"Where are you gonna go after this?"

Angus met his eyes, brushing some of his curly hair out of his line of sight, and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, after you figure out all this shit you're in. There's nothing holding you here, so when you have the ability to return, what are you gonna do? Will you stay here, with me n' Auntie n' the workers or leave to be with your teacher?" The lilt of his voice wouldn't have betrayed his sorrow to anyone who didn't know him but Angus knew. Angus knew him better than he knew him.

"Well...I think I'll have to look into alternate solutions but...in the end this isn't my home. I have people waiting on me. People who want to see me. People _I miss_. Being here is nice and all," he stared up at the indigo sky, the gradient of orange dusting the clouds pink, "but I can't stay, y'know?"

Taako huffed, "yeah...I didn't think I'd be here forever either. I just don't know where else to go." He shifted and his movement caught Angus' attention. They met eyes. "Could I go with you?"

He was taken aback. It was something he had seen as a possibility but...he wasn't prepared to answer that question. "Um...Taako I..."

"I promise I'll be good and useful and I'll cook for you and be real quiet and such! You just...," he broke gaze and stared at his toes, curling and uncurling them in the sparse grass that grew from the tamped dirt of the alleyways, "you make me feel _safe_. You make me feel _home_."

Tears. Bubbling forth like a tap turned, they blurred Angus' vision and he knuckled his eyes. "Sorry...," he snorted and tried to compose himself. "I just...I wish...I wish I could...I just...I _can't_ Taako..."

His face didn't change. His ears didn't move. His mouth remained flat. Nothing seemed different but his eyes dulled and he slapped on a porcelain sad smile. "... _figured_..." He leaned back against the wall, a dandelion clutched between his fingers. "Such is the fate of a Candlenights Child."

" _Taako_ —I'm not implying you aren't worth anything! Quite the _opposite_!" He tried to not sound like he was backtracking but it was hard. "You're talented, a quick learner, and one of the most resourceful people I know! Anyone who has you on their team should be _grateful_! But...y'know?" He made a gesture with his hand, trying to pantomime the odd grasp on voided knowledge. Taako blew the seeds off the dandelion poff. "There's a place for you. I _promise_."

" _Where_ though? If you're so smart, _where_ is my place?!" Not anger. _Despair_? Worry. Pressing and pushing. He wanted—no, _needed_ —to know what his worth was. It killed Angus. It hurt him so much.

Angus made the gesture again and Taako growled and slammed his fists against the ground. "I know it seems hard now," he backtracked, "but I can promise you that you have a place and it is _wonderful_ and _important_ and you deserve only the best!"

"But what of _now_?! What of _this_?! Is my place with whores and thieves, baking and stealing until I can afford something better, then moving on to abandon _them_ too?!" He hissed, ears flat. Angus flushed, coppery scales sparkling against his skin.

"This-this isn't so bad! The workers love you, Mu loves you, so does Elli! Your baking is so good and your magic is getting better! You have so much potential and I'd hate to see you waste it because you're angry!" The words were ipecac on his tongue, the bitter bite of bile to come slithering up his throat.

"It's not—!" Taako balled his fists up in his long shirt. " _I_ —!"

Angus' mouth moved faster than his brain could check it. " _Why can't you just be happy with what you have Lilly?!_ "

The world froze, still as the surface of a frozen lake. Almost as if Kronos himself had deigned to preserve this moment forever in shame and abhorrence, nothing seemed to move. Even their breathing was silent.

Angus folded in on himself, tucking his chin in against his knees and began to silently shudder. Tears, unbidden but not unwanted, splattered against the dirt underneath as they dribbled off his chin. His whole body quaked as he clasped a hand over his mouth and tried to make himself as small as possible. He tried to disappear.

Taako froze, ears alert, and reached out to comfort him only to stop a mere few inches away. Then he drew back and began to sing again. He had learned that Angus reacted badly to touch when he got like this, but song made him better. The words, elven, slipped from his lips gently and softly. " ** _Biteulbiteul geol-eoganeun naui dali. Oneuldo uimieobsneun tto haluga heulleogajyo. Salangdo kkilikkili haneungeola midneun naneun. Jomcheoleom dugeundugeun geolil-il-i jeonhyeoeobsjyo._** " Angus' body slackened slightly. " ** _Wiing-wiing halusal-ido cheolyanghan naleul biusdeus-i meolli nal-agajyo. Biingbiing dol-aganeun sesangdo naleul biusdeus-i gyesog kkumteuldaejyo._** " As his crying subsided slightly, Taako leaned against him and nestled his chin in his curly hair. " ** _Tell me, tell me, please don’t tell! Chalali deudji moshan pyeon-i naegen joh-eulgeoya. Tell me, tell me, please don’t tell! Chalali boji moshan pyeon-i naegen joh-eulgeoya_**."

As he continued singing, Angus slowly unfolded as met Taako's lidded gaze with watery eyes. "M'sorry..."

"Don't be Farmer Moon. I drove you to that. That one's on me." His voice was low as he clenched his hands gently in Angus' hair. Angus could feel the twitch of his hands trying to sign. He sniffled.

"I shouldn't...I...Lilly is... _was_..."

"Don't if you don't wanna. I don't wanna hafta find another song to sing, y'big baby." His face was smiling but his eyes were sad.

"No," Angus straightened up and rubbed his eyes dry. "You...I need to tell _someone_." Taako sat and payed attention. Angus knew he had his focus. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then he began.  
〜  
"I was born Lilly McDonald, the only child of Alistair McDonald and Emeris McDonald, heir to the McDonald law firm. But, as I was born as a female, my job wasn't to be a lawyer. It was to be a wife and mother.

"I didn't like domestic things. I wasn't good at them cause we had servants and such, but I didn't like them. Embroidery was pointless, knowing what fork went where was stupid, and having to be laced up in a corset and layers of petticoats and uncomfortable dresses was garbage. I liked books, mysteries most of all, and I never felt much like a girl anyway.

"Alistair McDonald was a drunkard and a bully and a liar. He took clients that paid well and threw the balance in their favor. And when the night ended, he would stumble home drunk, after one night stands with local prostitutes, and beat his wife. And me. Anyone he could reach. And I wasn't supposed to make a sound. I wasn't allowed to cry. Crying was beneath me. I was a McDonald, after all.

"Emeris McDonald was unhappy but she played the part of loyal spring wife well. But when Alistair stepped out to drink his brain out on absinthe and fuck whores, she went to me and showed me her affection. At the age of eleven, Lilly knew what sex was and knew she didn't like it. That _I_ didn't like it." He stopped, mouth choking on the pain and the past. He wanted to continue. He needed to continue.

"So the cycle continued. Drunken father, sexually abusive mother, and the reminder that I was only good for a fuck and for making kids and for looking pretty. But I knew the stable boys and I solved a mystery for them and took some clothes as payment. I dressed up like a boy, tucked my hair in the cap, and went to town. No one knew I was Lilly McDonald. I called myself Angus.

"Being Angus was _free_. Being Angus felt _right_. Being Angus got me caught and punished. Her hands. His fists. A small room, darker than the Abyss, smaller than I should've been able to fit in, that demanded silence. The Quiet Room. _Hell_.

"But I stepped out of line too far and was sent to finishing school. To be a ' _proper_ McDonald woman'. To not 'waste my life on stupid frivolities like books and mysteries'. To marry well, bear children, and manage a house but get no praise.

"I escaped but...I never went back. I eventually met my teacher and...that's the first family I've ever had. Them. Him. All of this. You're kinder than my blood and when I buried Lilly beneath a mountain of fabric and moved on, I promised I'd keep an eye out for anyone who I deemed family." He sighed and Taako nuzzled him and purred. "You have a place. Whatever it is you are now may not, but you have a place. Lilly didn't have a place but Angus did. Does. Will. Just...please believe in yourself. I know you can do this. I believe in you."

〜

He paused and then leaned close. "I was born Guadalupe," he whispered. "And I buried her in the fire that ate my home."

"Then Lilly and Guadalupe can rest together when we can't."

"I'm sorry I'm so bad at feelings."

"I'm sorry I get so upset."

"I trust you implicitly, Angus McDonald."

"Thank you."

위잉위잉 하루살이도 처량한 나를 비웃듯이 멀리 날아가죠 비잉비잉 돌아가는 세상도 나를 비웃듯이 계속 꿈틀대죠


	19. Let's Do the Time Warp Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Kravitz is healthy and happy and no one dies, nosiree! Also Taako never goes home. He don't know nuthin bout no goin back to his own time. Not. A. Damn. Thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bangs pots and pans together* YOOOOO GUESS WHO FUCKING SUCKS AND ALSO IS A FORTNIGHT LATE ON THIS BULLSHIT!!! IT ME!!!
> 
> Anyway, I'm already working on the next chapter but I can say that this story is wrapping the fuck up. Taako's story is coming to a close and Angus' is following fast. I can't believe I dragged it on like this. I almost finished the song lyrically. That's a fucking riot.
> 
> Your patience is, as always, just super fucking appreciated. I picked up a second job, am moving, and other adult bullshit so writing has been a goddamn TRIAL. But with this going out, I can rest easy *rolls eyes*

The world settled back into a routine. Comfortable. Safe. The two of them as well as Havlek, Annaise, Nutty, and Brent. They all found themselves in a happy rut and no one was complaining.

Taako let up a bit. He stopped hovering so much and let Kravitz have his space. Kravitz expressed his gratitude in the best way he could: lavishing the insecure elf with affection—free of charge. And Taako, in turn, was slowly teaching him his tips and tricks for non-magic cooking.

"Remember, my radial beauty, that magic is a tool as much as a knife or a whisk is. You don't need it but it makes things easier. You still need to know how to do the basics and so on," Taako had chided gently when Kravitz jokingly asked him to teach him how to turn water into wine " _like fantasy Jesus_ ".

Kravitz's response was a happy sigh, "As if I don't _already_ know that." Then, ever dutiful, he went back to sautéing onions and bell peppers for a fajita mix. Taako took a moment then to admire how far he had come.

The initial recovery had been rough and, like Brent said, Kravitz continued to have complications. He was easily winded, often overexerted himself, and sometimes would get nosebleeds for no reason. But, so long as Taako kept him off the streets—which he _was_ , fuck dammit!—and gave him a steady job, Kravitz was safe from Alli's curse progressing any further.

But _now_? Kravitz shared Taako's room—though not always his _bed_ , as Taako mostly meditated on a cushion on the floor—and was his sous-chef and right hand man. He learned how to cook quickly and picked up pairings and combinations even faster. Not as fast as Taako himself did, _of course_ , but definitely faster than Annaise—who still had a tendency to let pasta burn, whether she meant to or not.

Havlek, despite Taako's best efforts to prove that Kravitz was more than capable of handling _the Illuminated Truth's_ kitchen as head chef, continued to push Annaise for the position. Taako rebuffed him again and again. " _Look_ Harvey," Taako would say, his ears flicked back in a way that indicated annoyance but not irritation, "I love Annaise, you _know_ this, but she couldn't make a pot of tea without starting a small fire right now. Until she gets her—" _oddly familiar_ "—pyromanic tendencies under wraps, Krav's got the position on lock. _Plus_ ," he would wheedle, eyebrows wiggling seductively, "I did as I promised and he's picking this up faster than a bugbear picks up lice."

And Havlek, less terrified of 'Justin' now that he had seen the elf in a more vulnerable position, would roll his eyes and give in. He knew better than to try and argue. He was at least _people_ smart; Taako'd give him that.

Days. Days pass and soon _the Illuminated Truth_  was a bustling operation as word of the chef's amazing cooking spread. The town of Serix was a hub of tourism and Havlek made an effort to drop the 'Genesai' bullshit. Subsequently, Taako's distaste of the man dropped lower and lower. The workers at _the Illuminated Truth_ could afford more, could buy more, and could dress better. Annaise always flaunted her new digs and smiled bright and happy. She was content and Havlek was content.

Brent was clean and happy, Nutty had better clothes and better equipment, and Kravitz had security. And Nobody?

Taako had almost forgotten about Nobody. _Almost_. But bright eyes and light fingers like that deserved to be remembered. Nobody was watch. Eyes on the ground and the sky. He was guard and pocket and fence. He would keep the bigger picks out of purses, fence slipped goods back to _the Illuminated Truth_ , and spread word. _The Truth_ was off limits. _The Truth_ was protected. _The Truth_ belonged to Nobody.

And that's how things ran for some time. Easy, greased, and _happy_. No more than any one person could ask for. Or _two_.

And yet, as all things are, they do not last.

Wrong steps. Stopping. Starting. A new job can only wash away so much sin. And his hands— _Kravitz's_ hands—were stained. Not with blood. No; _semen_. Lust. Pain. Patterns. Finger marks, dug deep in bruises and rope. Busted lips. Spit. Piss. Whatever he was paid for. Gold bought pleasure and pain and he _paid_.

_He_ paid.

Taako's heart beat happily as he whisked the soufflé, humming as he performed a good, mundane morning task. Kravitz had gone to the Fantasy Piggly Wiggly to pick up some creature comforts—Fantasy Jiffy-Pop and the like—and all he had to do was wait on him. Wait and plate and soon they'd be wining and dining early in the morning. Just as he was placing the fluffed eggs into the oven, Nobody darted into the kitchen, their breaths soft gasps.

"What's up buttercup?" Taako slid the soufflé into the oven and flashed Nobody a traditionally Taako™ smile.

"Krav!" They gestured wildly, his own voice echoing from their beak. His words, worried and hurt. "Krav! _Fucking whore_!" The second voice was a gravely common, spittle imagined, and Taako's hands curled into fists. " _Sleep with my wife will ya'?!_ " The same common voice. Nobody gestured wildly again.

"Where is he?"

"Hurt," Brent's voice, calm and forceful. Nobody gestured in the general direction of the Fantasy Piggly Wiggly. "Taako," they pleaded in Kravitz's voice. Taako ducked his head in a quick nod.

"Tell Annaise she's got breakfast. And let Havlek know I'm headed out," he handed the small kenku a couple gold and booked it for where Kravitz was. Where he was hurt.

Where he had to be _dying_.

His heart matched his feet slapping against the dirt road as he ran. His umbra staff beat against his leg as he went, reminding him that he wasn't powerless any more. He wasn't alone any more. He wasn't scared any more.

Except he _was_ scared.

Taako rounded a corner and skidded to a halt at the entrance to the Fantasy Piggly Wiggly, where a broad man wearing the insignia of town guard towered over the prone and seizing form of Kravitz. Taako saw red.

"Fucking _whore_ ," the guard spat, literally _and_ figuratively. No one stepped in as he kicked Kravitz in the ribs and knocked him a few feet back. No one said a thing. This man was _law_ here.

But that man had never met Taako, and Taako _never_ followed the law.

A trio of Magic Missiles barreled into the guard and knocked him on his ass. He whipped his head to look at the source only to find Taako, a hairbreadth away, his wild eyes flashing with feral fury.

" _Fucking—!_ "

The guard never got a chance to finish his slur before he was swallowed in the void of Hunger of Hadar. His screams ripped out of the darkness but Taako ignored him. Instead, the elf knelt down and cradled his lover's head against his chest.

Taako didn't need a cleric to know that he wasn't going to make it. It was obvious to even a street urchin that Kravitz was done for. His body had taken too much abuse and his whole everything was just giving out. A ragged sob wrenched itself from his throat and his vision blurred.

"Krav!"

Hunger of Hadar dissipated and the guard's prone form—face pale and frozen in shock—crumpled to the ground. Shouts and screams echoed around him but Taako didn't care. He cast Magic Circle and held Kravitz and waited.

Because that's all he could do. Wait.

"I'm sorry...I know that this is _fucking_ bullshit but like, I knew that something would happen. I thought I was changing it. That I was fixing shit." He nuzzled Kravitz's silken hair. "I _wasn't_ though. I was just fulfilling what already had happened."

He gasped and shuddered. " _Fuck_! I just...I thought I would be okay with this but I'm not. I'm fucking _not_ , okay?! I _hate_ this shit! I want you to live and be happy and run the damn kitchen at that shitty inn of Havlek's and continue being cute and then maybe going to compose some sweet-ass music! I want you to see me into my old age and then have the two of us pass in tandem, Fantasy Thelma and Louise-style by driving a wagon into the cliff at Goldcliff. The bossest way to fucking go. _Not this_." He hiccuped and buried his face in Kravitz's shoulder, blood smearing on his nose. " _Not_ fucking this way! I just want more time!"

Fists beat against the Magic Circle but Taako didn't care. He was waiting for someone. He was waiting.

He was _waiting_.

And, true to form, she appeared. The Raven Queen. Or, Taako surmised, one of her psychopomps. Either or.

The figure that loomed over them, inside Taako's Magic Circle, was dressed in a cloak made of iridescent feathers, the hood pulled low over her head. Taako glared at her, eyes watery and red, and huffed. "Here for him then?" The figure nodded, slow and patient. "What if I said you couldn't have him and also fuck you?" No response. He sighed. "I don't...like I _know_ that death is totes a thing and I fucking hate it but...he's _important_ to me. So damn important..." The figure shifted slightly, as if impatient or understanding. "I just...I don't have much but I have him. And I'm a emissary of Istus if that has any weight but like... _please_?!" His voice cracked. "Please don't take him..."

The figure bent down low and placed a single clawed finger on Kravitz's forehead. A soft glow surrounded him and his blood dissipated. He looked clean and safe, were it not for the lack of breathing or a pulse. That kinda screwed the pooch there. Then, a soft sigh emanating from inside the hood, she spoke.

Or, rather, Taako heard her.

**«You are out of place and out of time,»** her voice was a sonorous wind filled with flapping wings, **«and you are scared for this man. This man who is your everything in your own home.»** Taako remained silent, his mouth a wire cutting across his glower. **«He has a place. You both do.»**

"But I want his place to be _here_ , with the shits at _the Truth_ , safe and happy!"

She shook her head. **«His place is elsewhere, but it is with you.»** Letting out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding, Taako shuddered. **«Know this, Taako Taaco: you are destined to do greater things than what you have already accomplished and you have accomplished so much. You have made this one's life better by simply being here. You have done all you can and need to return. Leave in peace.»**

"I don't know _how_!"

She laughed and placed a kiss on his forehead. **«Walk among the living and the dead alike in peace. You have My blessing and this one shall be My greatest psychopomp. Rest easy and let Me take him.»** And just like that, Taako let go and the Raven Queen—because that's who it had to be—gently cradled Kravitz in her arms. With a soft sigh, like the last breath escaping from a dying man, she took him to the Astral Plane wholecloth. And Taako was alone.

That's how he _always_ was. _Alone_.

But he knew how to get home now. He knew how to get back to his boy and his bae. And he knew he was safe and that this was how things had to be.

_So why does this suck so fucking much?!_


	20. Let's Do the Time Warp Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Angus learns more about Auntie and keeps Taako from leaving. Only one of those things is the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Home stretch y'all. I've got...about one more individual chapter for each boy and then a joint epilogue and that's all. Three more chapters and this fucker is done. That would make this my longest multichap fic to ever be completed. My other contestants are 13 chapters with 27K words and 10 chapters with 7K words. Those are both about a decade old so...its been some time my dudes.
> 
> Your patience and motivational reviews continue to astound me. I really do love it. It makes this easier to finish.
> 
> And to one Griffin McElroy: I swan to John if you hurt my boy I will fly down to Austin and RUIN you my dude. Just don't.
> 
> Idk when the next chapter will come out. I'm playing it by ear. But it will happen and it will be sad and you will love it and this will end and I will be free!!!!
> 
> Again, as always, thank you so much for your patience and kind reviews.

Things with Taako never fully patched up. They _healed_ , yes, and scabbed over, but they never fixed up properly. The wound was there.

"Quick to trust and quicker to run," Taako had once described himself after Angus pushed for information too hard, "I am a very fickle elf." He was right because—even after they had made up and cried again and again—there never was that closeness they had before. Taako became closed off, tight-lipped and irritable. Even Auntie noticed it.

"Hard-shell needs t'take a chill pill for sure," she commented one day as she mixed batter for scones. "He always gets like this when one of th' workers leaves. Sullen. He's a selfish lil' shit for sure." With one batter-covered finger, she scratched at the band on her tusk and sighed. "Elves are like that. They live so long that we're just dust t'them. Don't matter how long we live, s'just a small blip on their own timeline. A blemish. So they stay cold and aloof. But _Taako_? He's soft-hearted. He's missin' sumthin' and he tries so hard to grab on t'anything that fills that void."

"I'm not here to fill that void for him...," Angus felt small now, buried under the weight of more emotions than he felt comfortable with. "I—"

"I know but he's just a baby. He don't get that yet. People aren't replaceable. People aren't there t'help ya all th' time. They come n'go as they please n'he needs to learn that." Auntie patted his head gently and went back to mixing. "But know this: he cares too much an' that'll hurt'm in the end. Don't feel guilty. It ain't your fault"

Angus shifted at the counter and sighed. Elbow deep in soapy dish water, he was busy and that kept his brain occupied. Still, it was something he couldn't shake. "Hey Auntie?" The half-Orc looked back at him and smiled understandingly. "What was your wife like?"

She stopped. It wasn't a calm or natural stop either. It was a sharp and jerky halt that splattered batter everywhere. Angus shrank but Auntie didn't shout or hit him. Instead she just took a shudders breath and sighed. "M'wife was...well...t'understand m'wife, y'need t'understand _my_ history." She motioned Cicero and Mîr over to the kitchen to cover her and Angus while they talked. Then the two of them meandered to a back area and sat down; Auntie with a weary sigh and Angus with shuddering apprehension. Auntie took a deep breath and exhaled to steel herself. Then she began.

"Orcs, as y'may be aware, ain't looked fondly on. Grummish's call is loud an' very few of them can stave off the desire t' cause damage an' chaos. 'Cause of that, half-Orcs are a... _tool_. If Grummish can get his voice in them, they're as good as an Orc—only less cause they ain't _whole_ Orc. But if they can't...then they're just slaves.

"That was me. I don't hear Grummish too loud nowadays but there was a time when I couldn't hear him 'tall. I was just me an' Orcs saw me as a tool to trade. So I passed from place to place, from hand to hand, 'till I wound up as th' conscripted muscle f'r a group a bandits. I was nuthin less than brawn t'keep th' other bandits away.

"You've seen my teeth, right?" Auntie paused her story to pull her lips back to reveal her flat teeth behind her single tusk. Angus nodded. "That was a pr'ventitive measure. I liked t'bite when I was younger so one of my masters filed m'chompers down so I couldn't. Th' tusk is a different story but my teeth are important. They're important 'cause that's how I met her.

"My mouth hurt like fuckin' hell. Somethin' had gotten jammed in th' weak enamel an' it started to rot. I had a nasty infection and one of th' clerics for the bandits was 'bout to pull my tooth out when someone called out.

"' _Wait_!' They cried and, oddly 'nuff, the cleric stopped and turned t'look at the speaker. I did too an' she was a beaut'.

"She was Drow and Aasimir, all dark skin an' pale hair an' black feathered wings with an aura that was almost visible. It's not a common blend but she was diff'rent. She was unique. She was revered.

"She was _feared_.

"'Why?!' Th' cleric asked, stand in' up t'face her. 'Why should I listen t'you?!'

"'If you do this,' she answered, 'this woman will die and your death will be cemented. It will be painful and slow and you will wish for someone to end it for you.' She stared down th'cleric, who quaked under her gaze. Then he backed down an' she knelt next t'me.

"I didn't know what t'do but she met my eyes and I knew that all she said was true.

"She was blind as a bat. Eyes opal white and yet she _saw_. She saw everything. She saw _me_. 'Open wide,' she instructed an' I did without complaint. With one deft motion, she reached in an' tore out th' offendin' piece of metal. Some shitdick had put a blade in my food. Dinn't like how I mouthed off. Then she slathered my tooth with a healin' salve an' walked off.

"' _Wait_!' I called out t'her. My Common wasn't good but it was good enough. She paused and looked back, her jet feathers rustling in th' breeze. 'Thanks!'

"And she smiled. 'You're most welcome,' she replied. 'Sleep well Winnifred.'" Auntie took a deep breath and let out a dreamy sigh. Her face was tinged a soft forest green and her ears were flat against her head as she reminisced. "So I asked around.

"They called her Seer. They said she could see so well despite her eyes b'cause the mother of Beholders granted her sight from beyond. She saw the present and the future. She was th' reason the bandits never got caught. And she was as enslaved as me.

"But I visited her, despite th' fact that the bandits would've killed me if they found out. She was so pretty and soft spoken. She worshipped th' Raven Queen and she spoke fondly of Her. Death was inevitable an' it was a comfort t'her. It was interestin' t'hear religion with a favorable light. I asked her t'teach me how to speak better. She told me I was fine but I insisted so I had more reason to see her.

"It didn't last.

"Seer was sick. The same thing that gave her th' ability t'see th' future and present was pulling her life away bit-by-bit. She didn't have long but I didn't care. I loved her too much.

"We ran. I broke her out and then we ran. We got married th' Orc way cause she wanted to. She made me this," Auntie tapped her single tusk, "an' I made her one that she wore in her hair. We had to keep goin' cause them bandits wanted her back real bad but it didn't matter. We had each other. We were gonna love each other until she passed and then some.

"But...they caught us. They snuck up on us and I was bound. Seer struck out with all the power she had an' freed me but it took all of her. All I could do was watch as the life eked from her an' she went to the Queen she loved so much. She died in my arms and I cried with pain I never knew anyone could feel. But she left me a note. _Sev'ral_ , in fact."

"What did they say, if you don't mind me asking?" Tears swam in Angus' vision but he had to know. It was a good story that deserved to be told. It deserved to be _heard_.

"One was f'r me. It said:

 

> _Winnie dearest,  
>  This was the inevitability that I saw. My gift—my curse—showed me all the paths that laid before us and only this one afforded us freedom, however brief._
> 
> _Pain is valid. You will hurt. I know this and I'm sorry. I don't want to leave but my Queen calls me. It's my time._
> 
> _Take what you have and find a town called Aventry. Your future is bright there. Start a business and protect the workers in the shadows. I think you'll find the Winchester Goose a good motif. (And don't chuckle, I can assure you I'm not joking. Just roll with me on this.)_
> 
> _Years from now, when your business is booming and secure, you will be visited by a child. Keep an eye on them. They're so, so important._
> 
> _Long after that, there will be another. This one will be displaced and afraid. Assist them. They will do that child a world of good and will need what they find here._
> 
> _I have an answer to their question. They have to ask it first, but I have the answer. Give my letter to them when they ask. It will be time then._
> 
> _You and I...even if we both had lived...we wouldn't have had the effect we have now. I inspired you and you inspired the child who inspired the other one who came back to do the same. Time is inherently fixed. Mutable, yes, but only on the small scale. The big picture is solid and unchanging._
> 
> _Know that I love you more than you may be aware. Know that I await you when your time is up. Know that your business will change millions of lives._
> 
> _Know that I miss you already, my dear Winnie._  
>  _Love from far beyond the Veil,_  
>  _—Seer"_

Angus sniffled a bit as dawning confusion washed over him. "Th-the kid? Is that—?"

Auntie nodded. "That's Taako. She saw him an' knew that I needed to be here for him."

"The other one?"

"I'm thinkin' that's _you_ , short stuff." Her smile was sad and tired and... _loving_. Angus' heart ached.

"So...she knew that...I _didn't_...?!" Angus began stammering, eyes welling up with tears as he tried to make sense of this new outlook. "I'm not messing anything up?!"

"Nah...you're good lil' bit. This is what was supposed to happen." Auntie shifted in her seat and huffed. "We're all in our place, doin' our job. As is ordained."

"And the letter for-for me?"

"You have t'ask th' question. I don't make the rules. I just enforce them."

Angus pondered. It was hard because of the surge of emotions that he was riding out but he was trying. What question did he need to ask? What sort of query would help him?

Outside of their line of sight, there was a loud crash and yelling. Then the sound of someone being hit and the smell of magic filled the air. Angus leapt to his feet, wand drawn, and dashed to the ruckus, Auntie behind him with a rolling pin she snagged from the kitchen counter on her way by.

The front was a _disaster_. Tables were upturned and scattered about and Cicero was puffed up as they helped up Mîr, their tail thrashing wildly. None of the customers were hurt but a lot of them were startled. Ell, without Mu this time, was casually helping pick up. Auntie marched over to him. "What happened?"

"Taako," Ell shrugged, his broad wings mimicking the motion. "Came in, stole some shit, left. Cicero tried to stop him cause, _yknow_ , but he did some magic and slammed everything around and ran. Dunno where he went tho."

"Cicero?!" Angus tilted his head towards the tabaxi.

"Something about 'everyone leaves' and 'preemptive measures'." Oh. _Oh_! Angus knew what was going on.

He booked it out the door and cast Locate Creature, focusing on Taako. Before, when he had just arrived, he didn't think of this spell but now it was the first to jump to mind. He wasn't worried about his own safety; Taako came first. He _had_ to find him.

A small mental compass guided Angus through side streets and back alleys until his lungs were burning and his heart raced with fear and exertion. The frustrating thing about Locate Creature was that it was less of a _direct map_ to the creature you were looking for and more of an elaborate game of hot and cold where the person who knew what was up was being purposefully obtuse. After backtracking a hundred times, Angus finally figured out where he had gone and used his last wind to run, full-tilt, to the main hub of Aventry.

The caravans. _His_ Taako said he spent time cooking for caravans until he got his own show but...he didn't speak of it fondly. Angus had to—he _needed_ to—!

_There_!

The mop of blonde hair and long, green ears were easily visible in the crowd, especially with the freckles that patterned the back of them. Most elves "took better care of themselves" than to develop freckles. Taako didn't have much of a choice.

" _Taako_!" Angus was wheezing now, his arms pinwheeling as he tried to catch Taako's attention. Taako couldn't leave without telling him! Taako couldn't leave just because of him! "Please wait! Sir, _wait_!!"

Taako's ears flicked up and he glanced back over his shoulder. His violet eyes met Angus' worried hazel ones through his thick, golden lashes and Angus could see the contempt and calculating awareness in them. Taako didn't want to come back with Angus. Moreso, he wanted him to feel pain because that's how he felt. An eye for an eye and so on. With no more acknowledgement on his part, Taako turned back to the front of the caravan and his ears flattened against his head. Angus just kept going, his legs protesting every pounding, labored step.

"Please!" He gasped out, stumbling a bit. " _Wait_ please! Not _yet_!"

" _When_ then?! When I'm done with the whores and thieves in this town? When I'm too pretty to just be a _ragamuffin_? When I get looks and appraisals from some _fucks_ on the street?!" Taako finally spoke, yelling as loud as he could. If people were uncomfortable, they didn't show it. Just another day in Aventry, they supposed. "While you go off and leave me and the worker's at Auntie's leave one-by-one because they have better places to go and _I don't_?! I don't want to live like this! I want to have a place—a _home_!"

"You _will!_ " Angus was in tears. There he was, within reach but so, so far away. "I _promise_ you will!"

"You're a _liar_ and a _fake_ , Angus, and I _hate_ you!" That stopped him straight in his tracks. His bare feet skidded across the ground and small smears of blood marked the gravel beneath him. Taako glared at him through heavy tears and hissed, small fangs bared in as feral a sneer as he could muster. " _Fuck_ you and fuck _off_! I don't need any _one_ or any _thing_! Taako is fucking _good out here!_ " Shell-shocked, Angus could only watch his future mentor's past self hop on a caravan and ride away from everything good he had. And then Angus McDonald did the one thing he could think to do in this tense and painful moment.

He dropped to his knees and broke down crying.

That's how Auntie found him, Ell flying above and giving recon so she could navigate better; laying in the dirt and wailing as if his whole world was ending. He was _only eleven_! This wasn't _fair_! Life wasn't supposed to be this _hard_!

When he calmed down enough to talk, Auntie had carried Angus all the way back to _Sweet Treats_ and had sat him down in his bed. She was seated next to him with a letter beside her and a morose look about her.

"A-auntie—!" Angus hiccoughed and sniffled. The large half-Orc just handed him a handkerchief to blow his nose. "'M so sorry...I-I messed up so bad and-and-and now he's _gone_!"

"Don't you worry, pumpkin. Y'didn't do nothin' wrong." She patted his hair gently and sighed when he drew away and curled in on himself. "Y'can't punish yourself f'r somethin' someone else does. You have no control there."

"B-but I drove him off! If I-if I hadn't...then he _wouldn't_...and _now_ —!"

She cut him off, "Angus look at me." He did, tear-filled gaze meeting her own stern maternal frown. "Taako made his choice. This was _all_ him. It was inevitable. You. Did. _Nothin_ '. Wrong."

"B-but...?!"

" _But_ nothin'! What Taako does with his life is all on _him_. Don't try an' take it on yourself t'try and fix him. He ain't a puzzle, he's a kid. You're a kid too but you forget that. So _relax_." She leaned back and snorted, the harsh puff of air from her nostrils ruffling her beard. "I _swear_...if this is what havin' kids is like, I think I'll pass..."

Angus took a moment to compose himself, breathing in and out to rhythms that matched his resting heartbeat. When his body stopped shuddering and he could breathe without gasping, he tried to talk again. "D...did I do the right thing?"

Auntie smiled faintly and leaned forward. "You tell me." Then, without a word, she stood up and left the room; the letter she brought with her still sitting on the end table.

Angus wriggled around until he could reach the letter and grabbed it. Curiously, he opened the unsealed envelope and read it.

When he reached the end, he knew what he had to do. He knew how to get home. And he knew that Taako was safe.

_Both_ Taakos were safe.

And that made this next part _much_ easier.


	21. It's So Dreamy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which, as they have done many times before, they wait for sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE MORE CHAPTER AND I'M DONE!!!! This is some sort of record or something. Literally. Longest finished work for me. To date. This is impressive.
> 
> Anyway, back on topic, all that's left of Jump is the epilogue which, if I can pull my head out of my ass long enough to do anything, should be out before the final episode drops. It's been one helluva journey and I cannot thank y'all enough for the inspiration you gave me. There were days when seeing angry screaming in my inbox was all that kept me going and, as sad as that is, finding comfort in small things like this is a good coping mechanism.
> 
> I plan like an idiot so I've always had the beginning and the end done on paper. I knew where I was starting and where this was going but the in-between moments became muddled and slowly cleared up as I wrote. Eventually I got to a point where I realized I was padding with useless and trivial conflict so I started reigning in the end but...the middle has always been the hardest. Thanks for waiting it out with and for me. It means a lot.
> 
> After the epilogue, I'll do y'all a solid and post my (unedited) notes for the plot of this disaster. Yall'd love the trash pile that is my garbage plotting.
> 
> I hope I live up to your expectations. You've been so kind to me. Thank you so much.

It was a fucking stupid simple spell. It was a fucking stupid simple _mistake_. One moved vowel. One wrong intent. Two people displaced through time and space.

Angus _had_ tried. Taako knew that now. Angus had tried to cast Blink but he had mispronounced the Word needed to cast it and had been worrying about him. About _Taako_. So he was thrown back to Kravitz and Angus was sent to who _knows_ when—most likely somewhere in Taako's past, if Taako's own experience with Kravitz was a good point of reference. So, logic states, that the same Word and the same intent would reverse the problem. But—

_But—!_

He had _some_ attachment to the _Illuminated Truth_. Despite his original reservations about Havlek and crew, he actually kinda _tolerated_ them now. Annaise was a halfway decent cook (when someone kept an eye on the stove for her), Brent was kind and hardworking, Nutty had spent enough time in the kitchen to know how things were supposed to look and taste, and even Nobody was fitting in like a puzzle piece of the shitty tourist trap. It didn't matter though. _None_ of it mattered.

He had his way home.

"I'm going," Taako handed Havlek his borrowed clothes, cleaned and folded neatly, and nodded curtly at the half-elf. " _Today_ ," he clarified, "right now, if I'm being honest."

"Annaise?" He didn't blame Havlek for asking. Selfish or not, Taako knew that the _Illuminated Truth_ was a hard place to run and, with the crew the size it was, he needed to keep a tight lid on the quality of things.

"So long as Nutty keeps her from burning the kitchen down, you're fine. She's got it." Nutty, passing by with an armful of onions for lunch's dish, gave a smile and a thumbs up. "Keep Nobody up front when you can. They have a good eye and know money so the till'll be a nice spot for them. So long as they're happy, they won't steal from you."

Havlek stared at the clothes he was being handed. "Do you... _have_ to go?"

"I have things to see and people to do, Harv," Taako buried his apprehension under flippancy. "I can't always change your diaper. You'll be fine, so long as you don't insult _actual_ Genesai."

"No promises."

"Fair." Before exiting, Taako paused and looked back at the place that had been his home—however temporary—for almost a month. He sure wasn't gonna miss it but...he made a mental note to ask the boy wonder if he knew anything about it. He absently wondered if Serix even still _existed_ in his time. Wouldn't surprise him if it didn't. "Thanks for the job."

"Thank _you_ , Justin." And the sincerity, syrup thick, caught in Taako's throat. All he could do was nod in response. Then he ran.

Taako had to find an isolated place for him to cast the return spell. Loud noises fucked with concentration and, despite the origins of the accidental first casting being as such, he needed to concentrate. Umbra staff on his wrist and pajama's ruffling in the breeze, Taako ran barefoot through the town until he found a small cave just outside the limits—empty, save for the skeleton of what looked to be a gnoll. He pushed the gnoll's corpse aside and dusted off a flat rock. Then he sat down and began to cast.

Fuck if he knew what spell slots to burn for this one, but the instant he tried to focus on the thought of the false moon and Kravitz and Angus, magic buzzed in and around him. His skin crawled with arcane sparks and he hissed at the irritation and discomfort of it. Magic had always been a very sensory deal—not just for him but also for Angus—and the untamed chaos of directionless magic crawled across his skin like millions of insects. He fought the urge to claw at his skin and continued to find the place that was, intrinsically and somehow unequivocally, _home_.

He thought of Angus; nerdy, _shitty_ little fuck with hope in his eyes and admiration for an elf that didn't deserve a single bit of it. He thought of Magnus; beefy ruffboi who cried when he saw an animal and joked around with Taako like they were related by more than just living situations. He thought of Merle; a shitty cleric, a plantfucker, a _fucking_ good friend and father-figure. He thought of Kravitz— _his_ Kravitz; tall and dark and dead and missing him probably.

Deep within Taako, a hundred-some-odd strings sang in harmony. Arcane energy rippling around his fingers, Taako brought his hand down in a slashing motion and commanded, " _Zimä_!"

The rift that opened in front of him was _far_ less chaotic than the one that put him here. It still tugged and tore at the thousands of feelings within him—the strings tethered within his soul a sharp glissando of longing and _be_ longing—but the pulling was less forceful and more of a beckoning. ' _Come home_ ,' the force called in a tone that was adjacent to his own voice but dissimilar enough to be jarring, ' _we're waiting for you Taako._ '

With a sigh of— _relief?_ —Taako stepped through the rift and back onto the Bureau's quad, a few moments after he was thrown into the past. As he took a shuddery breath, he collapsed into the waiting arms of Kravitz, who cradled him to his chest. It didn't matter that they were in full view of the entire Bureau. It didn't matter that Kravitz was the grim reaper and Taako was one of the Reclaimers. _All_ that mattered to the two of them was that they were there and they were together.

"Is Angus—?!" Kravitz whispered into Taako's hair. He held the shuddering elf close to his chest and rubbed his back with chilly, undead hands. Taako shook his head.

"Wasn't with me..."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

Again, Taako shook his head. "I was given the answer but...I _don't_...I don't know...if _he'll_ get it too..." He shuddered as he suppressed sobs. His fists were bunched in his sweatpants, twisting and turning as he worried. "I _don't_..."

"My Queen said you both would be fine. Here you are, so he should follow soon. We just have to trust Her and Her Lady. It's all we can do." Kravitz gently hummed a song that Taako had no name for but knew better than he knew his own heartbeat. "We just need to trust them. They know what they're doing. And we need to trust Angus. He's smart. He'll find a way."

Taako nodded and allowed Kravitz to hold him until the shaking stopped. It wasn't long after the sun set but it stopped.

And in the end, all they could do was pray for sunrise.

* * *

>   
> _Little bird,_  
>  You don't know me but you have heard of me. My name is Seer. It is the only one I have ever known and I wear it proudly. It is my name and my title. Child of Beholders. She who sees the future without eyes. The Seer.
> 
> _But you? You I saw long ago. I saw seven birds chasing a bright light. The seven birds nested on the moon and their flock grew. Within that flock was a small bird with bright eyes and that bird fell to the earth below._
> 
> _They usually aren't this vague but I think you get it. You are the small bird._
> 
> _There is a spell you can do to return but first you must understand this: you did your best. The big picture is immeasurably fixed. It's skeleton is in place and, as we move on, we become its meat and skin. However the small picture is much more mutable and this is what you have interacted with. You did what you could and this is all that could be asked of you._
> 
> _The spell is simple. Find a place in town you believe will not change between this time and yours. Sit down, cross-legged, and think of home. Then call out to the goddess of fate to safely return you home. It's less of a wizard's spell, like the one that sent you here, and more of a cleric's but my Queen does love Her Lady and trusts her with all She has. If my Queen trusts the Lady Istus, then I do too._
> 
> _Time will pass around you. It won't be quick, like the spell that sent you here. It'll be like watching everything in double speed. Try not to let that discourage you. You'll make it. I know this to be true, even if I can't See it._
> 
> _Little bird, you are important and you are loved. Know that you have a place to be and a role to fill and people that miss you. And know that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You choose your family._
> 
> _Be safe. Be strong. Be happy.  
>  —Seer_

The world moved forward at a speed that left Angus reeling and motion sick. People moved around like rapid snapshots of dolls where every thousandth frame was all you could see. It was jerky and stuttering but he watched as the town that he had come to appreciate—even if only a small portion of it—grew and _flourished_. He watched the Relic Wars devour the landscape. He watched as workers from _Sweet Treats_ found families and were happy. He watched as the world changed around him and he remained the same.

Calling to Istus had been hard. He knew that the Reclaimers, the men he considered his surrogate family, were emissaries of Istus but...to rely _wholly_ on fate was something that he struggled with. Yet, when he sat down in a small alleyway that he was _fairly_ certain wouldn't change, he reached out to the goddess with all he had.

"I just want to go home, ma'am..." His voice was soft and hoarse from crying and he shuddered with the effort of suppressing tears. " _Please_..."

And the goddess answered with the form of a translucent bubble—swirling with colors like an opalescent scrying orb—that wrapped around him as the world swung into high-speed.

Now it was slowing down; the frantic pace of time ticking down to realtime and, as things seemed to settle into the familiar, the bubble popped without a sound. Angus stood up, knees wobbling, and took in the sights of present-day Aventry.

Not much had changed, save for the architecture and the clothing style. The general _feel_ of Aventry—a soft blend of urban and small town—remained, however, and Angus found some small joy in that fact. He wandered back to where _Sweet Treats_ had been and found the remains of a hollow ruin. It was overgrown and run down; a collection of rocks and decay. Angus' heart ached.

He knelt down by the remains of _Sweet Treats_ and bowed his head in respect. As he composed himself and rose up again, he caught sight of a shock of colors nestled between support columns. He picked his way through the rubble and saw a small patch of flowers, bright and healthy. Violets bloomed between carnations of all colors and shades and, in the center of the seemingly random garden, was a single lily, petals open wide to catch the light with its pale radiance. It was a reminder and a blessing all in one.

He called an orb at the city limits, patiently watching the false moon shift into place and sent out his ride. He strapped himself in and watched Aventry get smaller and smaller, until the Bureau swallowed up his view. As he stepped out of the pod, Taako bowled him over, Kravktz watching behind him. Angus leaned into the embrace and finally allowed himself to cry.

"'M so sorry sir...I- _I didn't_ —!"

"Shut the _fuck_ up. You did _nothing_ wrong," Taako fiercely whispered as he curled around the small human.

" _But—!_ " Angus tried to protest but the wash of Silence stilled his tongue. Kravitz raised a single finger to his lips and smiled knowingly as Angus allowed his mentor, his surrogate father, his _friend_ , embrace him.

It _hurt_ , losing what he lost but...he was home now.

This was what _home_ felt like.

And the sun rose behind them, marking the beginning of a new chapter in their lives. One that would be full of all the love they could stomach and then some.

They were _finally_ home.


	22. Oh Fantasy, Free Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there is an epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done and done! This is the epilogue and final chapter of ACTUAL shit for Jump. Next chapter (most likely being posted later today) is just my garbage plot notes so you can laugh at how trash I am at plotting anything.
> 
> Hope y'all love this :3

Taako started showing affection more after the wayward travelers returned. It wasn't worth holding back any more. Not after what they went through. Most often than not, their evenings ended with Taako, Angus, and whomever else wanted to join in a boystack lounging on whatever surface could accommodate all of them. Then Magnus or someone else would carry an asleep Angus and Taako back to a bed of any sort. _Any_ sort of bed. _Any of them_. No one really gave a flying fuck. Sometimes they'd all have a sleepover in THB's dorm unit and the Director would have to haul their asses out in the early hours of the day to _actually_ get shit done but, as she was wont to do, she handled the responsibility with stoicism and dignity.

One night, after a long stretch of abso- _fucking_ -lutely nothing, Taako and Angus were partaking in the _sweetest_ of boystacks with Kravitz as a chill pack. Taako was softly singing to Angus, a song that Kravitz had taught him, as the small boy drifted to sleep. When Angus' breathing evened out to completely unconscious, Taako looked up at Kravitz. His eyebrows pinched together and Kravitz raised one of his own in a silent question.

"Do you...ever think you're _missing_ something?" Taako kept his voice down, despite knowing that Angus was going to be unconscious until sunrise _at the least_. "Like a person or-or a _setting_? But like, you can't put your finger on _why_ certain things feel familiar?"

Kravitz hummed. His face, pensive but calm, softened as he looked at his boyfriend and his strange young ward. "Sometimes. _But_ ," he added, combing his fingers through Taako's hair and lingering on the back of his ears, "that's not a _bad_ thing. I think that a little mystery makes life more worth it."

Taako bit back a yelp as Kravitz's chilly fingers hit the sensitive spot behind his ears. That made sense though.  _Still..._

In the back of his memory, fuzzy, like an out of focus picture, was a young boy who taught him magic and listened to him when he talked. A young boy that wore glasses and blushed hard when flirted with. A young boy he identified so much with.

A young boy like Angus.

"You _do_ have a point there," Taako admitted fondly. "I think I'm just gonna let that part of me go. No sense in worrying about it now! Live life in the present, _baby_!"

Kravitz smiled and kissed Taako's forehead. As his cold lips pulled away, he felt the lingering remains of his Queen's Mark where his own lips had touched. He paused and tried to figure out why that was. What could Taako have done to warrant this Mark?!

Yet, the faint memory of arms embracing his dying form and someone arguing arose in the back of his mind. Maybe fate wasn't so fickle after all.

Besides, it brought them together!

Perhaps it was best to trust his Queen and Her Lady.

(And inside the umbra staff, the flickering remains of a barely-conscious lich chuckled at how things panned out. Trusting fate was all she could do but...so long as her brother was safe, she was happy.)

**The End**


	23. Bonus: Plot Notes from Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Sandr is a fucking disaster and cannot plot for shit. Laugh at the idiot. Laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about self-depreciation cause I'm just a gigantic joker. I don't hate myself, I just know I'm bad at plot.
> 
> Slight warning for sexual stuff when referring to some of Sweet Treats' workers? Like explicit stuff that never came up in-fiction. Sorry y'all.

A Jump to the Left (plot ish)

Time fuckery magic I guess idk. Fucking by the ass man. Lesson gone wrong? Taako ends up with bitty babby Krav (living bard Krav) and simultaneously Ango ends up with precocious kid Taako.

Plot A: Taako falling for Krav all over again and feeling like goddamn hella bad for what he's doing instead of busking. Wants to make Krav more stable, consequences be damned!

Plot A details and OCs:  
Havlek ??? (1/2 elf 1/2 orc) runs the Illuminated Truth, a 'genesai' themed racist as fuck inn. Put on affectations to sell cheap merch and shitty rooms. Easily intimidated. Not a bad person, just trying to get by.

Kravitz is prostituting himself because he was told he wasn't good enough as a bard. He has bone problems and looks slightly different from his dead!self. Speaks with the accent that dead!Krav uses for work. All the time. Very blushy. Low self-esteem. Is learning to cook from Taako. Is offered a job at the Truth to keep him off the streets when he proves to be a good sous chef.

Taako is dealing with the trauma of Glamour Springs and Sazed on top of everything else and is prone to small breakdowns. He winds up being given the Word to return home by the past/current emissary of the Raven Queen after Krav dies.

Plot B: Ango learning about Taako and what happened to him and helping babby Taako find himself and what he needs. Unlike Taako, he's actually fucking terrified of the repercussions of meddling in time—well aware that Istus probably isn't too happy rn.

Plot B details and OCs:  
'Auntie' (real name: Winnifred Strongarm): 1/2 Orc woman who runs Sweet Treats. Missing an eye, wears a monocle on the working one, broken nose, beard, a band on one of her tusks, scarred all over, has a nice disposition. Auntie was once part of a slave trade when she met and fell in love with Seer, the 'unholy offspring of celestial, abyssal, and dragon' seer who kept the slave trade running smooth eat threat of death. They escaped but Seer was very sick and died of an illness only a few years later, despite always being on the run, and left Auntie a prophecy and some guidance. They did get married but only in Orcish custom. She has a Deep South twang and covertly operates both a brothel and a bakery. She pays the Theives Guild for protection, blackmails the militia, and uses the buskers and rug rats for information and as a spy network.

Cicero (Lynx tabaxi): one of the workers at Sweet Treats. Speaks very properly with a small elven accent. Usually operates the front but is also a red-blossom worker with proficiency in dom, anal, oral, vaginal, spitroasting, and orgasm denial. Likes Angus a lot because he reminds him of a small cub.

Spade (black dragonborn/tiefling): one of the white-blossom workers, Spade specializes in touch-starved individuals and people who need a shoulder to cry on. They speak without using contractions and will occasionally lapse into abyssal.

Mîr (halfling): one of the red-blossom workers, she is best known for being a size-Queen and for her extensive wardrobe. Once was the beloved pet/lover to an elven noble but upon his passing, was sent into the trade to die. She escaped and now lives happily at Sweet Treats.

Angus is conflicted and struggling with the desire to help Taako get better and the fear that he's changing the future/his present. He teaches Taako that it's okay to be scared, so long as you don't let it stop you. He also is struggling with some familial issues: namely his abuse into the 'role his body was born into' aka: a noblewoman to be wed like some sort of prize to further the McDonald name. She learns that accepting who you are doesn't mean you can't wear what you like. He gets his way back via a time-bubble spell (similar to refuge) from a letter that Seer wrote Auntie. He watches as the world passes him by and then returns to the base, sad and happy all at once.

Climax A: Kravitz is attacked and beaten for laying with a married woman. He had stopped seeing her b/c Taako but she sicced her husband on them via the long arm of the law. Winds up in jail and dying. Taako busts him the fuck out and tries to find a cleric to heal him. Crying. Gay shit. Kravitz dies in his arms and his soul is escorted to the astral plane by a strange woman in a long black gown. (The Raven Queen) she promises him all will be fine and kisses him, gifting him with the knowledge of how to return home.

Climax B: Taako finally pulls the courage to run off and join a proper troupe instead of a band of mercs or bandits. Angus follows him and joins too. He learns about how to return but is torn because he wants to help his mentor so much. He's still struggling. He needs security. He needs strength and trickery. Then Ango remembers his smile around THB (despite all his protests) and the umbra staff hooked around his arm and the two relics he's helped them get (Ango not Taako) and realizes that yes, life will be hard for Taako but it will be fulfilling and will end well, him being there or not. He says his goodbye.

Ending A: Taako's return is like a rip in time-space. The world folds in on itself and he steps through, face still wet with tears. He is deposited on the moon base quad and fucking collapses, sobbing. He grabs his stone of far speech and fucking calls Krav up so fast. More gay shit. Kissing. Cuddling. Apologizing. The end pt.1

Ending B: Angus' way back is similar to how Refuge worked only in reverse. He pockets himself in a bubble of space-time where he knows nothing will be and he can call a sphere in the future/present. He waits and watches the world around him grow. He sees war and famine and pain and blood. He sees thievery and murder and lust and rage. He also sees families, growing older and branching and growing and branching until he begins to see faces he knows in the small children playing around his bubble. The world grows and he does not. Then the bubble pops. He's home. He calls an orb and fucking heads back to the base, sure his decision was the right one.

Epilogue: Taako, Kravitz, and Angus are in a cuddle pile in Taako's room. Taako remembers a young boy when he was much, much younger. About Angus' age, really. This boy helped him move on. He smiles fondly and ruffles Ango's hair. The kid reminds him of him. Kravitz vaguely remembers a young elf with a crooked grin who bought him for an evening and complimented his playing and wanted to know about him and not just fuck him. He remembers someone holding him gently and sobbing as his mortal coil met its end. He remembers the first thing he saw when he woke up in the astral plane: the Raven Queen, in all her glory, holding out a scythe, a book, a cloak, and a (stone) stone of farspeech. He remembers her patting him on the head and saying he would do great things. He looks up to kiss Taako again and notices the faint magical signature of the Raven Queen's mark on his forehead and pauses. Oh, he thinks, fate works in funny ways.

TRUE END

**Author's Note:**

> Like what you see? Wanna give me a prompt? Drop by [my Tumblr](http://thesleepiestsheepy.tumblr.com) or [my Twitter](http://twitter.com/ArrowAceP) on Tuesday and try and get me inspired! :3c


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